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DUCK ALERT

Commonwealth Games insider WS writes: “The Opening Ceremony of the Commonwealth Games begins with a voiceover from a lunatic talking about a duck. Could these be the words of Victoria’s favourite anti-Semite?” We’ll find out at 8.30pm. Good that Mike’s been keeping busy while on fear leave.

UPDATE. The duck appears! Sound advice from Liz Hayes: “I think you need to suspend all your adult thoughts ...”

UPDATE II. Matt Price:

The decision by Commonwealth Games organisers to bookend the three-act theatrical segment of the opening ceremony with appearances by Michael Leunig’s whimsical figure proved confusing to spectators and TV viewers unfamiliar with the Melbourne cartoonist’s work.

“Did it have something to do with bird flu?” asked a bewildered New Zealander.

“Was it based on a May Gibbs character?” wondered a bloke from Brisbane.

“What’s with the duck?” asked a fellow from South Africa.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/15/2006 at 04:52 AM
  1. Surely the opening scene will be Joan Kirner* (in polka dot dress) walking hand-in-hand with Magrok, naked, in a Bracks Government-sponsored statement of sympathy for refugees.

    * For Americans: Joan Kirner.  Think of worst Democrat Governor ever, multiply by 3, take away any brain function, think of… well jeez, just STUPID - that was Joan Kirner, Labor Premier of Victoria about 10 years ago.  Got booted out as soon as voters could get to a ballot box and still can’t shut up.  (Yet another conservative media asset.)

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 15 at 05:12 AM • permalink

  2. I apologise for the spilling of any hot drinks that that last post may have caused.  It should have been preceded by a Health Warning.  Sorry.

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 15 at 05:14 AM • permalink

  3. Surely not giant ducks riding bicycles ... I couldn’t give a flying duck if Loony happens to be involved ... only 15 minutes to go ...

    Posted by Stevo on 2006 03 15 at 05:16 AM • permalink

  4. #3 Oh but he must be involved.

    The Opening Ceremony should be a celebration of those ‘special’ aspects of Victoria. Cue:

    Phar Lap’s corpse on wheels, Collingwood’s last Premiership team (snigger), Lesbians and heroin addicts from Smith St, Ninja clad ladies from Coburg, the yellow peril, the people who designed the new Federation Square, Bert Newton, Jeff, the ghost of the last tram conductor, and yes, Leunig riding on a duck with a teapot on his head.

    Posted by Nic on 2006 03 15 at 05:55 AM • permalink

  5. A whole segment devoted to Duckman (incorporating the spire of the Arts Centre). I wasn’t aware we had a Writers’ Soviet.

    Posted by Andrew R on 2006 03 15 at 06:00 AM • permalink

  6. Why I married my wife.

    Wife: “What’s this crap?”(changes to “House” on CH 10)
    Me:“Change back, change back!”
    Wife: “Why do you want to watch that??It’s just about some stupid duck!”

    Posted by JoeJr on 2006 03 15 at 06:05 AM • permalink

  7. Well its certainly crap so far.  Much more PC efforts and i for one won’t be watching too much of the snorefest games.

    You can almost hear the disbelief in Liz hayes voice.

    Posted by entropy on 2006 03 15 at 06:07 AM • permalink

  8. I’ve just discovered that my computer thinks it’s 7pm, even though it’s actually 9pm.

    Can I sue Microsoft for making me miss a ceremony that I wasn’t planning to watch anyway?

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 03 15 at 06:08 AM • permalink

  9. oops. make that Liz hayes’ voice.  Must git gramma rite!

    Posted by entropy on 2006 03 15 at 06:08 AM • permalink

  10. Ballet to ambient rock. Bring back the duck!

    Posted by Andrew R on 2006 03 15 at 06:12 AM • permalink

  11. Oh no, he’s back.

    Posted by Andrew R on 2006 03 15 at 06:15 AM • permalink

  12. My `house’ has gone over to `House’ too ...

    Similar retort from `sheilas’ in residence; “What’s this crap?”

    They smirk as they hit the remote and laugh at my protestations - I am only a male - the only male.

    AND because I’ve got to work tommorrow the vixens have commandeered my tickets to the `sevens’ ....

    Didn’t want to go anyway !!!!!

    Did really, but don’t tell THEM.

    Had another quick look whilst vituperous felines go off to piss together ... what tha???

    Flying fairies farting sparks whilst duck boy returns with a real (not plastic) duck ...

    No wonder they wanted to keep it secret, if it had got out they would have needed to give away 60,000 tickets instead of 6,000.

    Posted by Peter W on 2006 03 15 at 06:17 AM • permalink

  13. How about a bit of nudity.  I bet Prince Philip must be hanging out for some bare breasted dancers, not unlike what he witnesses on his journey through other far flung Commonwealth lands.

    Back to the telly ...

    Posted by Stevo on 2006 03 15 at 06:17 AM • permalink

  14. Joan Kirner & naked Magrok NOW PREFERRED Opening Ceremony ‘entertainment’.

    Did anyone understand the ‘motorcycles and ballet’ sequence?

    Sorry, Melbourne.  Hope it improves for you.

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 15 at 06:19 AM • permalink

  15. Why I married my wife.

    Wife: “What’s this crap?”(changes to “House” on CH 10)
    Me:“Change back, change back!”
    Wife: “Why do you want to watch that??It’s just about some stupid duck!”

    I go one better.

    Wife: “What’s the story with the duck”?

    Me: “Dunno”

    Wife: ” Can I get you a Lindt Chocolate Gold Easter Bunny “

    Me: ” Fuck the duck give me the bunny”

    Posted by gubbaboy on 2006 03 15 at 06:25 AM • permalink

  16. In the immortal words of Chico Marx, “Why a duck?”

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 03 15 at 06:31 AM • permalink

  17. Margo walks into a bar with a duck on her head. The bartender looks up and says “Where did you get that ape?” Margo says, “This isn’t an ape, it’s a duck”. Bartender says “I was TALKING to the duck”.

    Posted by Stevo on 2006 03 15 at 06:39 AM • permalink

  18. Inter Milan vs Ajax on ESPN is a better game anyway.

    Posted by Scott W on 2006 03 15 at 07:02 AM • permalink

  19. Leunig being on leave is a tragedy that - I think he will agree - is right up there with the holocaust

    Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 03 15 at 07:18 AM • permalink

  20. I did think of watching it, but couldn’t get interested. Repeats of House on the other hand…..

    Needless to say I missed the duck. I didn’t even know there was going to be one.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 03 15 at 07:21 AM • permalink

  21. How about some effigies of Pentecostal pastors in stocks getting beheaded by some jihadists?

    Posted by Flying Giraffe on 2006 03 15 at 07:23 AM • permalink

  22. It sounds like Springtime for Hitler without the taste and decency.

    Posted by Rob Read on 2006 03 15 at 07:32 AM • permalink

  23. In the end I think JoHo got a bigger gig than most.  Will send latte sales plummeting in Melbourne.

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 15 at 07:40 AM • permalink

  24. The fireworks I could see from my bathroom were very bright, multicoloured, loud and all. The Commonwealth and sport were embedded in the ceremony somewhere. Two great sportsmen who happened to be Labour-appointed governors carrying the baton! But the open-slate portion before the formalities was thoroughly PC and ideological—or not PC enough, with Leunig chosen as the frame, assuming that anti-semitism is still a thought crime.

    I now know that the let’s-not-sing-God-Save-the-Queen decision, a grave departure from the 80s legislation regarding the anthem, was completely ideological and not an adjustment to what a Melbourne audience could be expected to take. The crowd cheered Dame Kiwi singing `long to reign over us’ in the ridiculous deformation of Happy Birthday.

    Posted by Andrew R on 2006 03 15 at 07:54 AM • permalink

  25. How about a bit of nudity.  I bet Prince Philip must be hanging out for some bare breasted dancers, not unlike what he witnesses on his journey through other far flung Commonwealth lands.

    Titties for Phil the Greek

    Posted by Munga on 2006 03 15 at 10:23 AM • permalink

  26. Hmm I thought it was pretty good actually - could have been worse….a lot worse. Melbourne looked great.

    Posted by Srekwah on 2006 03 15 at 11:30 AM • permalink

  27. That doesn’t mean I understood 3/4 of it. I’m sure there were trendy messages coded into the imagery, but what I don’t unerstand I don’t care.

    Posted by Srekwah on 2006 03 15 at 11:38 AM • permalink

  28. Janette could have got her jugs out for Phil…the carrots, peas and corn are rising.

    The Queen’s in her 80s now, the song obviously works.

    In the ‘60s, you had LSD. We just watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics and Commonwealth Games.

    Posted by LeftieLatteLover on 2006 03 15 at 11:40 AM • permalink

  29. The link behind “fear leave” gives me puzzlement, plus a good smirk:

    1/ Is “spat the dummy” Strayan for “jumped the shark”?

    2/

    he is a millionaire socialist who owns a country estate with olive groves and goats.

    Heh heh heh, thinks he’s safe there, does he?  Heh heh heh, he should ask Bobby Mugabe how safe he is.

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 03 15 at 12:03 PM • permalink

  30. #29

    Spat the dummy means to throw a tantrum. A dummy is what Australians call what the rest of the world calls pacifiers - those teat like things you stick in babies mouths.

    It usually implies something innefectual as well - after all the baby is the only one negatively affected by not having its dummy…

    Posted by sam on 2006 03 15 at 01:23 PM • permalink

  31. It was definitely Leunig - the poem was his.

    The crowd showed more sense though.  The applause waned when Steve Bracks was introduced, and then increased to a roar for John Howard.

    Posted by 2dogs on 2006 03 15 at 02:31 PM • permalink

  32. Overall, I thought it was a yawn . . . . apart from Ron Barassi walking on water!

    Posted by Oafish and Infantile on 2006 03 15 at 03:48 PM • permalink

  33. In this hilarious pan of the ceremony from news.com.au, we get this:

    Many of us were too emotionally churned up to take in the rest of the ceremony, though a real duck appeared at some stage. It is not believed to be the one that took Leunig’s cartoon to Iran. The cartoonist is understood to have shot that one in a quiet moment on his Euroa property.

    Posted by Quentin George on 2006 03 15 at 04:04 PM • permalink

  34. I’m surprised Leunig didn’t get them to paint “Sport brings Freedom” over the entry to the stadium…

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 03 15 at 04:48 PM • permalink

  35. *Sigh*

    We didn’t get this in Florida. On our TV, we have a duck that sells personal accident insurance, and a little green lizard with an Australian accent selling car insurance.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 03 15 at 06:59 PM • permalink

  36. #29 Stoop

    Also, it’s “Strine” we speak here, not “Strayan”. There’s a book on the subject: “Let stalk Strine” by Affebeck Lauder (say it quickly with Aussie accent)

    Here’s a handy primer, with spoken examples

    Let stalk strine

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 15 at 07:25 PM • permalink

  37. I just heard the Premier of Vitoria on the radio, trying to explain the duck. Rather awkwardly.

    Hilarious!

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 03 15 at 09:18 PM • permalink

  38. Wonder how Leunig and his duck would go down at the Maccabiah Games?

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 03 15 at 11:20 PM • permalink

  39. Q.What is the difference between a duck?
    A. One leg is both the same as the other.
    And last night’s arty farty opening made as much sense.
    Not in the same boat as the Syd-e-ney games opening.

    Posted by waussie on 2006 03 16 at 12:13 AM • permalink

  40. Horror upon horror. The SMH now has Leunig trying to explain the duck. Sounds like he’s weally quacked!

    Posted by kywong73 on 2006 03 16 at 12:22 AM • permalink

  41. Rather than show some of the more entertaining Rugby Sevens games this morning, channel 9 got an inarticulate ex-AFL player to interview the kid who carried the duck…

    Kerry Packer must be spinning in his grave.

    Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 03 16 at 02:14 AM • permalink

  42. I read his duck shit and part of my brain is bleeding.
    Anyone else here “know” the soviet threat wasnt real??
    Wanker!

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 03 16 at 03:54 AM • permalink

  43. I think there’s some sort of linking - I recall, at least in part, a limerick which went on about ... Yes! must have been Essendon, ...  and either swans or ducks.
    The last line in it was:
    “Them birds is reserved for the Dons.”
    As for the opening. It was crap.

    Posted by blogstrop on 2006 03 16 at 05:13 AM • permalink

  44. #40 The duck’s real name was Ping -said the media today. Not VLAD.

    Posted by crash on 2006 03 16 at 09:17 AM • permalink

  45. Thanks Kywong, now my head hurts after trying to make sense of Leunig’s gibberish in the SMH.

    I console myself, however, having confirmed my long held belief that Ron Barassi can walk on water.

    How come Delta didn’t go up in flames? That would have been interesting.

    Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 03 16 at 11:19 AM • permalink

  46. #30, Sam: Thanks.

    #36 SCD:
    but but but I though “Strayan” was Murkin for “Strine.”  Don’t the Northern Hemisphere rules apply here?

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 03 16 at 04:10 PM • permalink

  47. Ay, Stoop, we are Strayan, we speak strine.

    okay?

    Oh dear, I missed the opening…. well, I suppose I’ll live.

    Posted by kae on 2006 03 20 at 01:21 AM • permalink

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