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DROWNING POLAR BEARS IN CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE
It’s just one thing after another for our hapless polar pals:
Polar bears in the southern Beaufort Sea may be turning to cannibalism because longer seasons without ice keep them from getting to their natural food, a new study by American and Canadian scientists has found.
Maybe they just like eating other polar bears. I hear they taste a lot like polar chickens.
Bi-polar bears! LOL!
Bears, polar and otherwise, cannabilize each other for a variety of reasons. Male bears will kill and eat the young of other males so that the female will stop lactating/start ovulating and thus be receptive to that (new) male’s insemination.
If you have not seen the truly disturbing tragicomic documentary by Werner Herzog Grizzly Man
about Ursine Activist Timothy Treadwell’s savage death, see it on DVD! It is out now and an excellent film.Maybe they’re just perverts like that German weirdo- after all, they can’t be hungry with all the ice cream,ugly tourists, innuits marinated in glycol and freegan hippies they’ve got to scoff, washed down with lashings of multinational fizzy sodey pop.
They’re also displaying some other
S&M predilictions- those white suits are probably only there to cover their gimp masks, ball gags and scrotal clamps. The sooner the filthy bastards drown the better.Aside and muttering under his breath
[Well that’s it. I’ve finally seen the light. Everything, and I mean everything, every single event, every single aberration, variation of a thing either familiar or strange is the direct cause of irrefutable global warming. And the same goes for George W Bushitler, Tony BLIAR, John HoWARd, the war in Iraq, John Kerry, Al Gore, argh the list is endless.And now that I have accepted the self evident truth of it all, I can be at peace with myself, the environment and the world. I am now redeemed. Praise be.]
Shit - what a crock - “the “bloody fingerprints” of global warming” ! What next and whatever happened to independent thought and analysis?
MarkL — He didn’t mention the plugs. For godsake don’t. ask. about. the. plugs.
*sigh* if only he could wear a simple yeoman’s uniform like that nice wholesome JeffS…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 13 at 02:07 AM • permalinkAnd one of the filthy swine who’s testiculat tensioner has slipped, demanding it be corrected on Medicare.
The sooner the world’s free of the mangy masochistic moochers the better.
...if only he could wear a simple yeoman’s uniform like that nice wholesome JeffS
richard, what is this fixation you have on me? Is it my legs, or my wholesome and sunny personality?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 06 13 at 02:37 AM • permalinkMmmm. Polar bear - stuffed with more polar bear. It’s the new Turducken!
Gentlemen, warm up your ovens!
Posted by Mr Hackenbacker on 2006 06 13 at 03:16 AM • permalinkSounds like a plastic polar bear story to me.
Posted by perfectsense on 2006 06 13 at 04:43 AM • permalinkSo these…polar bears MAY BE turning to cannibalism. Then again, polar bears MAY BE turning to capitalism, communism, tie-dyed t-shirts, granola bars, or “Sex in the City.”
“May be.” I hope these lazy weirdo bears (Habib, what in the hell drove you to look up all those pics?) do chow down on Scientist a la mode, and soon.
Here’s the real reason:
http://tinyurl.com/g5stgBTW, how did an Argentinean soccer-football team make it to the Beaufort Sea?
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 06 13 at 08:06 AM • permalinkPolar bears ... may be turning to cannibalism because [of] longer seasons without ice
lack of ice = martini shortage
..and you know how those polar bears get when they haven’t had their martinis.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 06 13 at 09:13 AM • permalinkthey can’t be hungry with all the ice cream,ugly tourists, innuits marinated in glycol and freegan hippies . . .
I trust, sir, that you are not referring to the members of Polar Amigos Cruising On Behalf of Environmental Awareness and Rescue. The P.A.C.O. B.E.A.R.s are mostly college Republicans, which means lovely corn-fed girls, and wholesome football players. No hippies, no tourists (ugly or otherwise). Our mission, sponsored by Paco’s Taxidermy Shop, is to save as many bears as possible, so that they can, er, continue to serve a valuable ecological, as well as decorative, purpose. I am concerned about the cannibalism, because that means
reduced rug inventoryfewer bears, and I am grateful to Tim for bringing this problem to my attention. We will be laying in extra provisions of baby harp seals.I wouldnt want to be hunting the last remaining cannibal bear. That things going to be both horny and angry, either of the 2 things its likely to do to you arent going to be plesant….
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 06 13 at 09:26 AM • permalinkMust…resist…quip…2…heads….1….brain…
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 06 13 at 09:31 AM • permalinkThe Real JeffS — Dude, I can’t use it all up on wronwright. That would be favoritism.
Besides, you’re the one posted that smoking hot picture of yourself (Yes, I know, that’s the sizzling Grace Lee Whitney)...
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 13 at 09:37 AM • permalinkthe frollickingmole — Reminds me of the joke with the punchline: “...and the bear looked down at the hunter and said, ‘you didn’t come here for the shooting, did you?’”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 13 at 09:38 AM • permalinkAt least Australia’s Koala Bears and Drop Bears aren’t in any danger.
Maybe the polar bears could move to Sydney, because it’s bloody freezing right now.
Look at this forecast:
City: Min: 6 Max: 17 Parramatta: Min: 3 Max: 17
Terrey Hills: Min: 4 Max: 15 Penrith: Min: 3 Max: 17
Liverpool: Min: 2 Max: 17 Richmond: Min: -1 Max: 17-1? -1? What sort of a temperature is that?
#31 It’s cold in Southern Ontario, Canada, right now too Pixy Misa—and it’s supposed to be summer here! Around 10°C at night and 15°C daytime for the past five days or so. [BTW, we call “-1” “March”.] Obviously, something’s out of balnce. (Any more problems with the TARDIS lately, paco?)
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 06 13 at 11:04 AM • permalinkBut you won’t see them eating yellow snow.
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 06 13 at 11:33 AM • permalinkThis thread in toto is vaguely disturbing…and also a little creepy.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 06 13 at 11:58 AM • permalink#34 Any more problems with the TARDIS lately, paco?
Hey, don’t look at me. Wronwright took me off of navigation and made me co-pilot, and all I’ve got is this little bright red plastic steering wheel which I strongly suspect came from Toys ‘R Us. I mean, no matter how far I turn it, the ship never responds, and when I beep the horn it makes a wheezy noise like a high “C” on a harmonica.
Speaking of Gaia’s Wrath, has anybody seen Roger Ebert whittering on about “An Inconvenient Truth?” I tried to read his review but when it opened with a cards-on-the-table moment that looked like the catechism part of my BCP I gave up. Now he says that if we don’t see it now we’re going to have to explain why to our grandchildren.
Yet again, the threat of angry future generations fails to convince me. Shut up, unborn millions!
Now he says that if we don’t see it now we’re going to have to explain why to our grandchildren.
Well, I’ve already got my excuses ready.
I didn’t see the movie because:
1) The idea of going made me sick to my stomach.
2) I thought it was a re-make of “The Day the Earth Stood Still”, and I thought Al Gore would be terrible as “Klatu” (but would have made the perfect “Gort”).
3) I was busy building pontoons for polar bears.
4) I was busy producing a “Cold Cases” episode about the disappearance of Stoop Davy Dave.
5) “If you little bastards keep pestering me about that stupid Al Gore movie, I’m going to cut you out of my will”
#42 Imassie,
It’s never cold in Perth, just a bit less hot. When I lived there I would look forward to winter, it was that time of the year I could breathe without assistance and function as a human. Enjoy.Posted by Daniel San on 2006 06 13 at 07:20 PM • permalink#36- if that was the case, then kuru would have ceased to exist as well.
Grandmas brains- yummy!
#20- I think you’ll find these ursine piss artists prefer a more egalitarian tipple, which has a reputation for encouraging feisty behaviour among the untermensch- this could explain a lot, after all a bit of cannibalism is hardly extrordinary in any Queensland public houses’ carparks at chucking out time.
Been colder than a penguin’s piles in Brisbane for the last week. We need to burn a lot more carbon, and quickly- I’ve got some tractor tyres, sump oil and sweepings from a hairdresser frequented by persons of Mediterranean appearance on the go, so I’m doing my bit.
Bugger those beligerent, beery, beary Beaufort bum bandits- I want to run my air conditioning. My tomatoes need a greenhouse, and I’m buggered if I’m shelling out for all that glass when we’ve got a free atmospheric phenomena available.
Now he says that if we don’t see it now we’re going to have to explain why to our grandchildren.
But I thought if we didn’t see it there wouldn’t BE any grandchildren! The left has lied to us again!
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 13 at 09:32 PM • permalinkWoo-hoo! It’s worked, guys. Complaining about the unseasonable cold in Ontario in a public forum has seen the weather reports predict mid- to high-20s for the rest of the week. Still cool at night though. (Assuming their models are accurate.) I just hope that Al Gore doesn’t come to town and screw it up—inverse polarbearity and all.
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 06 14 at 12:07 AM • permalinkHabib, don’t be a pansy. Brisbane. Cold. Right.
Getouttahere.
When I was walking in to work it had warmed up by THREE whole degrees form when I got up.
It was only -4 degrees C.
My little daughter is fascinated by the half-inch of ice on the pool. It’s been there for three bloody days.
I want to dig up that bastard King O’Malley and make a dunny roll holder out of his bones. What’d he decide to put Canberra HERE for?
MarkL
CanberraYeah! Take that from another resident of Ohio, a non-southern state in the good you ess of aye.
Rebecca, going to the beach this weekend? Should be very warm and pleasant? Bringing a picnic basket perhaps and maybe a
coolereskey filled withbeerbitter and pops? Be sure to bring your sun tan lotion.Posted by wronwright on 2006 06 14 at 12:18 PM • permalink
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Their desperate plight may turn them into bi-polar bears.