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DROWNING CANNIBAL POLAR BEARS IN CHEMICAL FRENZY

More crazy antics from our ice-striding Arctic buddies:

Polar bears and other Arctic animals are being poisoned in their thousands by man-made chemicals, the wildlife charity WWF has said.

The chemicals are causing serious health problems for wildlife that dramatically reduces its chances of survival in the Arctic environment.

Whales, seals and polar bears are among those found with heightened levels of chemicals in their bodies, according to the WWF report. Effects include suppressed immune systems, weakened and deformed skeletons, cancers, vitamin deficiency and changes in behaviour.

Deformed skeletons? Changes in behaviour? Perhaps they’re evolving. Anyone checked for the appearance of fins?

(Earlier poley bear news here; via J.F. Beck.)

Posted by Tim B. on 06/15/2006 at 07:54 AM
  1. Changes in behaviour? Perhaps they’re evolving.

    That’s a bit of a sore point here, Tim. :)

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2006 06 15 at 08:09 AM • permalink

  2. STOP PRESS

    Outrage at ABC appointment

    LABOR and the Greens have expressed outrage over the appointment of controversial historian Keith Windschuttle to the ABC board, with the Greens vowing to overturn it in the Senate.

    Labor’s communications spokesman Stephen Conroy said Mr Windschuttle was a historian of the extreme right.
    His appointment to the ABC board marked a new low in the Howard Government’s disgraceful campaign to undermine the national broadcaster’s independence, Senator Conroy said.

    “Mr Windschuttle joins Ms Janet Albrechtsen and Dr Ron Brunton in the legion of conservative cultural warriors to be appointed to the board,” Senator Conroy said in a statement.

    Here.

    Great news, good news - and the left is seething. What a wonderful day!

    Posted by walterplinge on 2006 06 15 at 08:12 AM • permalink

  3. Addendum - Keith Windschuttle’s website.

    Posted by walterplinge on 2006 06 15 at 08:16 AM • permalink

  4. WWF = World Wrestling Federation?

    Anyhoo, since it’s obviously the EU that’s at fault here, according to that story, I say…yeah..it’s a real big problem and everyone in the EU should be ... you know, punished or something.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2006 06 15 at 08:19 AM • permalink

  5. Sad day when to be considered “controversial” all you have to do is deal in facts.

    Posted by Srekwah on 2006 06 15 at 08:21 AM • permalink

  6. Soon we’ll be seeing polar bears born with flippers instead of legs.  Either that or they will only eat eachothers brains.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2006 06 15 at 08:33 AM • permalink

  7. Polar bears and other Arctic animals are being poisoned in their thousands

    In their thousands? Is that like “in their pajamas”?

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 06 15 at 08:36 AM • permalink

  8. I saw a report of this on BBC World this afternoon. In addition to film of polar bears, seals and cooling towers (yawn) they showed film of penguins! Not once, but twice. I’m not completely sure whether the British Broadcasting Collective knows FA about geography or the environment or both. My money though, is on both (plus terror, Islam, Iraq, the US, Bush, capitalism, Cuba, free trade etc etc….........).

    Posted by Hobbes on 2006 06 15 at 08:42 AM • permalink

  9. The bears got into the scientists’ marijuana.

    Not possible before global warming.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2006 06 15 at 08:52 AM • permalink

  10. It’s gotten so bad in the Arctic they’ve emigrated to Iowa, where now they’re the victims of constant and
    merciless beatings
    .

    Posted by iowahawk on 2006 06 15 at 09:02 AM • permalink

  11. #4: WWF = World Wrestling Federation?

    That’s right. It’s a little known fact that Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk and Beulah are highly regarded zoologists who have been active in studying arctic mammals for years. Recently they joined with Professor Emeritus “Chief Wahoo” McDaniel in preparing a paper suggesting that, on average, a polar bear would probably take two out of three matches against a black bear, but would probably lose to a grizzly everytime unless it was a tag-team match and one of them ate the referee.

    Posted by paco on 2006 06 15 at 09:19 AM • permalink

  12. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a look of misery and dejection on the face of my daughter as I just did a moment ago.

    She just couldn’t understand why George Bush wanted to kill off the world’s wildlife. “Even the Fluffy White Bears from the Bacardi Ad?” she asked pitifully.

    I sat down with her on the sofa and (as calmly as I could) tried to explain to her that Bush and the Zionazi Minions of Karl Rove wanted to kill all the cuddly animals on Earth. Yes, even the Fluffy White Bears from the Bacardi Ad.

    I tried to keep my voice steady, but it became increasingly difficult - the rage and feelings of helplessness were just too much. I think my daughter could tell something was wrong. I found myself at such a loss for words - nothing made any sense; nothing makes sense anymore. I finally had to admit, “Honey, I just don’t know - I don’t know what’s going on in this country anymore…”

    When I finished her lower lip started to tremble and her eyes began to fill with tears, “Daddy” she said, “why are the Republicans doing this to the country?” Well, that was it for me: I finally fell apart. She just fell into my arms and we both began sobbing for several minutes.

    For once she had to comfort me and get me back on my feet. Sometimes I just think it’s too much, but seeing the strength in my young daughter’s voice helped me to get through.

    (From a Continuing Series over at the Daily Kos)

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2006 06 15 at 09:25 AM • permalink

  13. The chemicals are causing serious health problems for wildlife that dramatically reduces its chances of survival in the Arctic environment.

    Good thing we are busy driving around in our Hummers* and making sure the Arctic Environment ceases to exist - thus saving the bears!
    (*and using lots of bold)

    Posted by SezaGeoff on 2006 06 15 at 09:52 AM • permalink

  14. Meanwhile, black bears down south seem to have a much more laidback view of life:
    http://tinyurl.com/gleom
    (So there’s at least one ursine life-form who doesn’t mind chemicals.)

    http://tinyurl.com/flnqc
    (No word on its rum consumption.)

    Posted by andycanuck on 2006 06 15 at 09:52 AM • permalink

  15. #11 paco:

    Recently they joined with Professor Emeritus “Chief Wahoo” McDaniel in preparing a paper suggesting that, on average, a polar bear would probably take two out of three matches against a black bear, but would probably lose to a grizzly everytime unless it was a tag-team match and one of them ate the referee.

    Something about that just doesnt ring true. Sure, the Black Bear is smaller than the Polar Bear but he’s quick and works the ropes well.
    The Grizzly now, he does have that patented Crusher Hug move but once he’s on the ground he folds up like a cheap card table.
    I mean, come on, even you have to admit that The Grizz only wins as often as he does because he cheats.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2006 06 15 at 09:53 AM • permalink

  16. OK, who’s wasting all their time and money dumping chemicals in the freaking Arctic when we have all these slums full of poor colored people right at hand?  What kind of eeeeevil conservatves are you?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 15 at 09:54 AM • permalink

  17. #16 richard mcenroe:
    Actually, I’ve been minting mine into identification tags to be worn by welfare recipients.

    The heavy metal part I mean. The liquids I just bottle that up and have it put on the shelves in low income neighborhood markets.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2006 06 15 at 10:00 AM • permalink

  18. Whales, seals and polar bears are among those found with heightened levels of chemicals in their bodies, according to the WWF report. Effects include suppressed immune systems, weakened and deformed skeletons, cancers, vitamin deficiency and changes in behaviour.

    and a great new taste!.

    So they’re easier to catch, domesticate and bone, plus the thirteen secret chemicals™ and vitamin deficiencies make their meat soooo tender - marinated - the way you like it!

    And of course the whales have the same chemicals™ as the bears, they’re eating them, remember?

    Posted by Craig Mc on 2006 06 15 at 10:18 AM • permalink

  19. After thinkng long and hard about this i blame Bush.

    Posted by phillip on 2006 06 15 at 10:24 AM • permalink

  20. Effects include suppressed immune systems, weakened and deformed skeletons, cancers, vitamin deficiency and changes in behaviour .

    (emphasis added)

    Bi-polar bears

    Posted by mrp55 on 2006 06 15 at 10:26 AM • permalink

  21. #15: You make some good points, Grimmy, but who am I to go up against the professional opinion of Wahoo McDaniel? The last time we had a philosophical difference of opinion, he got me in a full nelson.

    Posted by paco on 2006 06 15 at 10:27 AM • permalink

  22. I wonder how many whales, seals, and polar bears they had to kill to get this information.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 06 15 at 11:15 AM • permalink

  23. Changes in behaviour?

    I sense a veiled threat there.  So if we do not put them on the endangered list, they will break into our homes at night and ransack the medicine cabinet for vitamins?

    Posted by Patricia on 2006 06 15 at 11:19 AM • permalink

  24. #21 paco:

    Yeah, he does tend to beat a body bloody with his “debating” skills, dont he?

    Posted by Grimmy on 2006 06 15 at 11:21 AM • permalink

  25. I love polar bears…. Bar-be-qued.

    Perhaps they’re simply evolving in anticipation of the global melt-down.

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 06 15 at 01:36 PM • permalink

  26. Ack!  Ack!  I saw this thread come up at work, and had to wait allllllll this time to say:  Polar bears.  Polar bears.

    Yup.  As hypnotic as “Smock.”  Which I, like Hobbes, also like to say repeatedly.  Smock.  Smock.  Smock.

    Polar bears.  Pooooooolllllllar bears.

    Posted by ushie on 2006 06 15 at 04:59 PM • permalink

  27. 11 Paco

    on average, a polar bear would probably take two out of three matches against a black bear, but would probably lose to a grizzly everytime unless it was a tag-team match and one of them ate the referee.

    On what turf?  Y’prolly get different outcomes on a hockey rink than you do on a concrete surface. 

    15 Grimmy

    The Grizzly now, he does have that patented Crusher Hug move but once he’s on the ground he folds up like a cheap card table.

    That only holds true when you drop him onto the ground from about ten stories up.

    Posted by Huck Foley on 2006 06 17 at 01:16 AM • permalink

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