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DRINK UP

A memo to Cincinnati Post staff from editor Mike Philipps, on the occasion of the newspaper’s closing:

Please do not bring any alcoholic beverages into the newsroom. Let’s go out like the professionals we have been these last, difficult weeks.

To which Jack Shafer quite reasonably responds:

1) Since when is it considered unprofessional for a journalist to take a drink? and 2) If Post staffers, who were all scheduled for dismissal, did bring flasks to work, what was Philipps going to do if he caught them? Fire them?

(Via Rich Stadnik)

Posted by Tim B. on 01/03/2008 at 07:28 AM
  1. Speaking of “closings”, this is sad.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 03 at 07:39 AM • permalink

  2. No booze and spelling errors in the editor’s memo…what a horrible place to work.

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2008 01 03 at 07:55 AM • permalink

  3. Can’t help but fear that this pompous twat has been recruited by Krudd and is about to emigrate to Australia and spread more puritan killjoy bullshit.

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 01 03 at 07:55 AM • permalink

  4. As a Cincinnatian, I lament the closing of the Cincinnati Post.  A great great newspaper.  Now we’re stuck with just the Cincinnati Enquirer.  I absolutely blame George Bush for this.

    Posted by wronwright on 2008 01 03 at 07:57 AM • permalink

  5. #1. Very sad, indeed.

    If you’re a fan of McDonald Fraser, you should also look up some of his other (non-Flashie) books, including his terrific, “Hollywood History of the World” and his autobiographical works, including “The General Danced At Dawn”.

    Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2008 01 03 at 08:01 AM • permalink

  6. Newspapers never close down in Australia.

    First they devolve from broadsheet to tabloid and then they disappear up the arse of the other local paper. Or mutate at the hip.

    It’s a Murdoch formula. Hasn’t failed yet.

    Posted by mehaul on 2008 01 03 at 08:10 AM • permalink

  7. #1
    Plundering from my Flashman library:
    Non omnis moriar.

    Posted by lotocoti on 2008 01 03 at 08:14 AM • permalink

  8. paco,
    Harry Flashman is one of the most entertaining scoundrels in modern literature. GMcDF, in Rugby-speak, picked up the ball from Thomas Hughes and ran with it over the try-line many times. My favourite has always been “Flashman At the Charge.”

    Posted by mareeS on 2008 01 03 at 08:15 AM • permalink

  9. That memo is cretinous enough to have originated at the desk of Andrew Jaspan- has he got a more incompetent doppelganger?

    Posted by Habib on 2008 01 03 at 08:35 AM • permalink

  10. As a Cincinnatian, I lament the closing of the Cincinnati Post.  A great great newspaper.  Now we’re stuck with just the Cincinnati Enquirer.

    On the other hand, the Enquirer now carries “Get Fuzzy” and “Pearls Before Swine”.

    Of course, I read comics online anymore.

    Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 01 03 at 08:37 AM • permalink

  11. #5 Abu: I had to stop reading the McCausland stories in public places because they threw me into fits of uncontrollable laughter. I think I’ve read all of Fraser’s stuff except for his non-fiction history of the border rustlers. His book on his service in Burma, Quartered Safe Out Here, is one of the finest WWII memoirs I’ve ever read.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 03 at 09:15 AM • permalink

  12. And I have always been tickled by the fact that a number of reviewers thought the first Flashman novel was non-fiction.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 03 at 09:16 AM • permalink

  13. #” The newsroom will be closed to all except current members of The Post staff until at least 9:30 a,m. on Monday December 31. We don’t need a lot of tourists hanging around will we are trying to finish the last editions.”

    Good to see he proof read his own memo.

    Posted by Pogria on 2008 01 03 at 10:08 AM • permalink

  14. #13 I think a lot of them just use a spell checker instead of actually proof-reading. (I saw “their” instead of “there” in News.com’s breaking news section today, for example.)

    Posted by Burbank on 2008 01 03 at 10:41 AM • permalink

  15. I still smile thinking about Fraser’s sargeant major,“six and a quarter feet of kilted splendor”, and his foil, McCausland. What a terrific literary pair !
    The alcohol ban on the last day is going to be a tough one to enforce.

    Posted by greene on 2008 01 03 at 11:06 AM • permalink

  16. The first paper I worked for was the Hudson Dispatch where not one but two reporters drank themselves to death in the Jersey City bureau. One did it at his desk after a glorious career plagiarizing authors no one ever heard of. I also gratefully accepted my first bribe there (a bottle of Chivas) for not completely screwing one of his political pals. It’s been downhill ever since.

    Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2008 01 03 at 11:39 AM • permalink

  17. When I read some of the Age’s columnists, my only reaction is that they must be completely shit-faced when they write. If their gibberish was written stone-cold sober, I weep for the future of soft-left stream-of-consciousness in Australia.

    Posted by AusDoug on 2008 01 03 at 12:04 PM • permalink

  18. Gary from Jersey,

    I worked on a sub desk with a fine old drinker named Dave. He had a glass eye that was green and a real eye that was hazel, and he kept a bottle of brandy in the briefcase next to his chair. He finished it after supper break every night.

    He wrote the finest headers and won many awards, but died from the bottle.

    At the sub table also were two other interesting journos. One taught me everything I now know about the stockmarket, the other’s son was the city’s most notorious hitman, who lived and died by his trade (a fascinating story in his own right).

    Our newsroom in the 1970s was the funniest place. Most of us have dispersed around the country and around the world, but now and again some of us manage to catch up. I’ve seen two over Christmas, and the spouse & I will be catching up with some in Spain in March.

    It’s really sad when newspapers go under because editorial newsrooms used to be a culture all their own, and printing floors also.

    Speaking as a person whose family has been in printing and newspapers since the 1860s, I regret the end of every paper.

    Posted by mareeS on 2008 01 03 at 12:09 PM • permalink

  19. #4, wronwright, there you are!

    I’d agree with you about the Enquirer, except that I’ve given up on newspapers (except when they’re handed to me for free, like they were while we were vacationing in Florida).

    What happens to news reporters who can’t find another paper to write for (and it seems to be getting increasingly difficult)?  Do they become baristas at Starbucks, Wal-Mart greeters, Jschool instructors, what?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 03 at 01:16 PM • permalink

  20. Hi Rebecca,

    Yes, I’ve been away.  For some reason, Karl wanted to celebrate New Years Eve at the court of King Louis XIV in Versailles.  I pointed out, in a trembling voice mind you, that since that’s in the past and we have the Tardis, we could go back there anytime.  Why must we spend our 2007-2008 New Years Eve in some decadent Parisienne palace?

    Needless to say we spent it in France.  Food was great though.  Here’s a sketch of Karl and me with two others (paco and MarkL).   It cost me 50 francs for the drawing. Fifty! Rubens is a thief!  Or was it Rembrandt?  All those Baroque masters look alike to me.

    And of course paco and MarkL said they had no money.  So they couldn’t chip in.  Riff raff, all of them.  Well, not Karl of course.

    The one selling the swords was paco.  Naturally.  I wish once, just once, we could take him somewhere and he not try to sell merchandise.  I wonder where those swords came from?

    Posted by wronwright on 2008 01 03 at 01:40 PM • permalink

  21. My college paper only prohibited drinking on the premises because it was state property.

    That was on paper. The place was so messy, you couldn’t find a beer to hold someone responsible for, unless it was your own.

    When we cleaned the place out at the beginning of each semester, some poor kid who needed the money would call dibs on all the aluminum cans that turned up.

    Posted by Rittenhouse on 2008 01 03 at 01:52 PM • permalink

  22. Let’s go out like the professionals we have been these last, difficult weeks.
    Yes, lads, hold on to the standards we have proudly embodied since…oh…mid-November or so.

    Posted by bgates on 2008 01 03 at 01:59 PM • permalink

  23. #20 Wronwright: I was going to hawk some AK-47’s, but I figured that nobody would know what to do with the things. As to the swords, I want to state, up front, that they were definitely not the ones missing from your personal museum. I mean, if any are missing from your personal museum. Which I don’t know for sure. But, er, if any are missing, those weren’t them. The ones I was selling, when you held ‘em upside down, were clearly marked with an “M”, for, er, musketeers.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 03 at 02:10 PM • permalink

  24. #20, 23
    so left to right it is:  paco selling his wares, wronwright looking rather jaunty yet slightly ill at ease, markL like a lamb to the slaughter, and the dark lord himself looking as though he had just swallowed the canary.  am glad i was no where near france that evening

    Posted by missred on 2008 01 03 at 02:28 PM • permalink

  25. Well all I can say is, I’m the man in the sketch with a serious demeanor, clearly sober (someone had to be), and with his hand on his money pouch.  Quite a responsibility, considering I had to hold the funds for Karl’s spending. 

    And did he think to bring any gold?  Hah!  No.  He simply suggested I bring a keg of Sumerian mead with me.  I had to sell it!  Of course, times being what they were, it did sell for a top price, even after paco’s outrageous commission.  (How did come up with so many contacts?)

    But imagine me having to hold onto 5000 gold Louis francs (not the Paris francs, that debased coinage) for two days.  Knowing that MarkL and paco would steal it if I slept two minutes.  To spend it on wine, song, and possibly some lavish clothing no doubt.

    No sleep in two days.  But at least I have the remainder of our gold.  To my super secret place mead storeroom in the basement with a big thick oak door it goes.

    Posted by wronwright on 2008 01 03 at 02:42 PM • permalink

  26. missred,

    MarkL might look like he’s a lamb being led to slaughter.  But he’s fairly evil.  Do NOT turn your back on him.  Or leave several leather pouches filled with French gold unattended.

    Posted by wronwright on 2008 01 03 at 03:02 PM • permalink

  27. wronwright
    noted re MarkL

    Posted by missred on 2008 01 03 at 03:06 PM • permalink

  28. 18 MarieS,
    Indeed, them were the daze. I worked in a very large newsroom in the 70’s and 80’s and ha to work the Saturday trick to get the
    Sunday paper out. We had a desk of drunken curmugeons who were second to none in excessive behavior. Oh for the times when Elmer got so drunk on his break he’d lose his pages and the other guys joined him instead of covering up for him.

    How those papers hit the street is still a mystery. We won bunches of awards every year then we figured out it was for stuff we did before Elmer’s breaks. God how I miss those characters.

    I still keep in touch but there’s nothing remotely like it nowadays. J-school kids come out indoctrinated; they have little use for fact checking or balance and they routinely rely on other bad reporting for established “facts.”

    They think I’m talking about old movies when I tell them what we did. Some get righteously snippy when I point out that their current “profession” is sorely lacking in the basics.

    And you’re right: it’s a sad day when any paper folds, but it’s even sadder because today’s crop of scribes refuse to believe they have anything to do with it.

    Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2008 01 03 at 04:09 PM • permalink

  29. My father loved the Flashman novels. I used to read them after he did. One line from one of them (I forget which one, it’s been years) remained in my mind: the main character is lamenting the fashion choices of his wife—“Oh God, purple on a blond!”

    Hey, I’m a girl. Who is not blond.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 01 03 at 04:12 PM • permalink

  30. #20 & 23   I wonder where those swords came from?

    Um… el Cid?  Have you checked your inventory lately?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 03 at 04:17 PM • permalink

  31. The Telegraph (London) on George MacDonald Fraser.

    Cheers

    Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2008 01 03 at 04:22 PM • permalink

  32. Vale, George Macdonald Fraser. 

    Soldier, and chronicler without equal. We will alas never know how Flashy contrived to serve on both sides during the War between the States. Whilst smsll affairs, such as his time down here in Oz during the gold rush (many descendants survive), would be fun to read about, this was the great unanswered question…one year a Federal officer, another a CSA colonel-how did he manage to set up the final enconter at Appomattox?

    Posted by Rod C on 2008 01 03 at 05:00 PM • permalink

  33. Heh. At the bottom of the article

    Related in Slate - Amanda Schaffer asks, is inhalable alcohol a good idea?

    If you have to ask…

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2008 01 03 at 05:59 PM • permalink

  34. #11. Paco - Then I’m pretty confident you will enjoy the Donald Jack stories.

    Did you say you’d read “The Hollywood History”? I found that pretty enjoyable, as he went through many of the great Hollywood films and showed how much they got wrong about history, plus pointing out all the anachronistic faux pas (vikings with wrist watches, etc). A fun read.

    Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2008 01 03 at 06:11 PM • permalink

  35. #34 Abu: Commenter J.M. Heinrichs sent me some information on Donald Jack which included a laudatory blurb from the late Master, himself, P.G. Wodehouse! I’m really looking forward to getting hold of his books. Many thanks for bringing him to my attention.

    I’ve also read the Hollywood History, and it’s a browser’s delight. Some of Fraser’s captions to the photos are hilarious.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 03 at 07:33 PM • permalink

  36. I don’t know the paper, but is it possible their professionalism only being a “few weeks” deep might have something to do with it? If so, it’s fair warning to other papers not to let professionals in to run the place.

    Posted by GPE on 2008 01 03 at 07:43 PM • permalink

  37. We all know there’s never a connection between writers and alcohol.

    For instance, I’m sure there’s never any alcohol involved in the penning of the Detective Paco stories!

    Posted by rinardman on 2008 01 03 at 09:17 PM • permalink

  38. #37: Only isopropyl alcohol when I accidentally get a paper cut from the milk carton.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 03 at 10:22 PM • permalink

  39. #1 “People like rascals, they like rogues,” Fraser told the British Broadcasting Corp. in 2006.

    “I was always on the side of the villain when I was a child and went to the movies. I wanted Basil Rathbone to kill Errol Flynn.

    There we are. The explanantion for the frenzy of sympathy for David Hicks, Hamas, Chavez, etc etc etc.

    Was there a character in Blackadder based on Flashman? I remember a bombastic type just like like this, played by Rik Mayall.

    Posted by carpefraise on 2008 01 03 at 10:27 PM • permalink

  40. Poor Cincinnati.  I just found out Gary Burbank retired from WLW.  I can just pick them up where I’m at, and always laughed hysterically on the drive home every day when he’d do his Earl Pitts bit.

    Posted by Tex Lovera on 2008 01 04 at 12:34 AM • permalink

  41. I don’t know Mr Phillips, nor do I know the circumstances of the CP’s demise, but an uptight, politically correct editor who struggles with grammar wouldn’t have been much help.

    Posted by Big Jim on 2008 01 04 at 01:53 AM • permalink

  42. #1 Paco:  Yes, topping chap, and all that rot.  Pip pip.

    Posted by Big Jim on 2008 01 04 at 01:58 AM • permalink

  43. ... what was Philipps going to do if he caught them? Fire them?
    Philipps?
    Looks like he gave them l and was p‘d on for his trouble.

    Posted by blogstrop on 2008 01 04 at 05:55 AM • permalink

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