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DOVES KARLED
Post-Washington, Karl Rove’s legend grows:
As if he hasn’t taken enough heat for what he did in the White House, Karl Rove is coming under fresh attack for what he plans to do after he leaves on August 31. Specifically, his Labor Day weekend plan to go dove hunting down in Texas ...
What else would you expect? Meanwhile, Rove is interviewed by Rush Limbaugh:
RUSH: You haven’t probably heard about this, although it won’t surprise you, but I’ve gotta tell you something. It’s a hilarious story. The editor of the Seattle Times was conducting a staff meeting when they learned of your resignation announcement, and everybody stood up and started cheering, and ...
ROVE: Ha-ha-ha-ha! Was my wife there?
They’re not simply hunting doves, oh no. They’re hunting for white doves. Of peace! While riding on horse. Black horses. Of demonic nature.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahah. (cough, cough) I simply work on that laugh more.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 16 at 11:34 AM • permalinkFrom the Mary Ann Akers column in the Washington Post:
“Dear Mr. Rove,” began the letter from President Ingrid E. Newkirk. “From your frequent hunting trips to your bizarre little rap at the Radio and Television Correspondents’ Association dinner (“I like to go home, get a drink, and tear the tops off of small animals”), it is clear that you lack the ability to empathize with other living beings.
Ms. Newkirk must be the most stupiderest person in the world today. This is Karl! Evil Grand Lord Karl. The Dark Lord himself. Of course he has no ability to empathize with other living beings. My gawd, he drinks puppies from a blender each morning. He’s evil, the evilest evil that mankind has ever seen.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 16 at 11:46 AM • permalinkDefinitely the trap. With a grizzly already inside to keep her company.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 08 16 at 11:49 AM • permalinkHey Dark Lord. Can I load the howitzer for you?
Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2007 08 16 at 01:00 PM • permalinkThat would put a competent Speaker in there who could actually push some very harmful legislation through.
Even if she won in SF, Sheehan would not become Speaker unless elected to the position by the Dem members of the House. And, while SF might be that crazy, the Dem Representatives aren’t.
What scares me is the fact Pelosi is right behind the Vice President in the line of Presidential succession.
paco #3
you owe me a new keyboard!Don’t mess with Texans and their dove hunts. I used to love dove hunting when I lived there. My state just got rid of dove hunting:-(
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 02:21 PM • permalink(with apologies to TAFKAP)
Dig if you will the picture
Me ‘n Cheney on a hunting trip
The Black of my cloak, it covers him
Can you my darling
Can you picture this?Dream if you can a courtyard
An ocean of yellow roses bloom
Journalists strike curious poses
They know I’m packing heat
And they fear just what I’ll doHow could I leave even one standing?
Alive in world that’s so cold?
Cheney is just too demanding
Cheney is just like my father, too old
Cheney is just like my mother
Fingers all boney and gnarled
They scream as they run, run for cover
This is what it sounds like
When doves karledPosted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 16 at 02:31 PM • permalink#22 I live in Michigan. Dove hunting was banned a long time ago, recently our DNR decided to set up a “study hunt” in 6 counties. Fortunately my county was one of them. The hunt was to last 3 years, once the do gooders decided to make it a ballot initiative the last 2 years were dropped. Last fall the voters voted to ban dove hunting because, after all, our state economy is so great we would hate to take on more tourists </sarc>
The sad thing was that about 10 years ago the do-gooders tried all manner of goofy things to bear hunting in this state. In response, hunting groups put an initiative on the ballot to allow the DNR to make all decisions regarding hunting regs and it passed with flying colors. I’m disappointed in the hunting groups not taking the issue up in court as the one proposal seems to contradict the other.
When I lived down south dove hunting was HUGE, bigger than opening day of deer season.
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 03:16 PM • permalinkDove hunting is also big in Kentucky and I believe Ohio. I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a consultant who is a big hunter. He always hunts for deer, turkey, and occasionally bear in Alaska. He loves dove hunting. He says dove is delicious. Since he’s often armed with a rifle, I chose not to disagree with him.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 16 at 03:24 PM • permalinkDove is excellent, similar to pheasant, all dark meat. We would usually cook them as an appetizer. Wrap a strip of bacon around the breast and throw them on the grill!!
25 wronwright
If I remember right, dove hunting is allowed in 40 states. I believe there are only 4 states with dove populations that don’t allow it. There is actually dove hunting in more states than there is whitetail deer hunting!!
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 03:41 PM • permalinkAlmost forgot, dove should be washed down with liberal amounts of Oberon with a slice of orange.
Okay, someone else use the word liberal in a positive way…..I dare ya
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 03:45 PM • permalink#30 there would have been 2 bonus points for using a Hummer, but Suburban was the second best choice!!
#31 sounds good with the hot pepper, hickory is my choice of wood!!
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 04:07 PM • permalinkHas Kim Beazley coveyed his best wishes for Rove McManus to enjoy his retirement yet?
Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 08 16 at 07:16 PM • permalinkPlease Haliburton, put Rove on the board. I want to see heads explode!
Posted by Mr Hackenbacker on 2007 08 16 at 07:45 PM • permalink#36 El Cid
The Taliban training video at Theo’s was absolutely histerical.
BTW, Thanks, you’re the one that turned me on to that site, it’s a hoot!!
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 08:02 PM • permalinkDoves are incredibly stupid and should be shot… oh, were we talking about the bird?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 08 16 at 08:54 PM • permalink#36 El Cid
I was saying the Marines had the better drill team.
Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 16 at 09:06 PM • permalinkwronwright, if your friends hunts doves with a rifle *and* actually manages to kill some of them, I don’t want to mess with him, either. In western Illinois, anyone who routinely hits more than one out of five with a shotgun is regarded as a pretty good shot. The doctor who delivered my son went dove hunting with some other guys in a partially harvested sunflower field. When you shot at the doves they flew to just about out of eyesight and then flew right back into range. Doc shot up a box and a half of his own shells without cutting a feather, then borrowed another box and finally knocked down one bird, but the dogs couldn’t find it.
Doc was a fair duck hunter, but they fly straight. I suppose it might be harder to hit barn swallows (if they were a game bird), but I’m not sure. Dove fly ‘jinky’ and are really, really hard to hit.
My mom used to wrap dove breasts in bacon and then cook them in the same mixture she used for hassenfeffer (?). Boy, were they good.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 08 17 at 12:30 AM • permalink#46 JorgXMcKie,
Not only does he kill the doves, he uses a bow to do it, not a rifle. And not a crossbow, oh no, but rather an English longbow. One I lent him from one of my business trips in the Tardis. And not only that, I trained him on it. So I can do the same, only I can impale two doves with each arrow.
I still have the longbow if Andrea hasn’t filched it.
(wronwright cliches fist)
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 17 at 08:12 AM • permalinkI am not a hunter, myself, but am thinking of taking it up. There’s a goldfinch (Carduelis tristis) that has been ruthlessly plucking the petals from our gerberas, and it is time to end his reign of terror. They are beautiful little birds, but enough is enough. I shall first attempt to come up with some kind of device or scarecrow to simply frighten him off; if that fails, I shall stalk him with my L.C. Smith double-barrelled 12 gauge. I suppose I’ll have to notify the neighbors of my intentions - poking about their backyards with a shotgun and with native bearers in tow may excite comment - but they’ll just have to put up with it. Perhaps if I hire their children as beaters, for the purpose of flushing my prey from the trees, they’ll be more amenable to the idea.
paco
Use a 12 gauge on a goldfinch and you won’t have to worry about the clean up!!!! Of course, there won’t be enough left to get stuck in your teeth either…....
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 17 at 09:38 AM • permalinkWronwright:
Which sort of fist cliche? The evil overlord style?
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 08 17 at 09:51 AM • permalinkKarl now has more time to rig the HAARP array for the next planned hurricane strike against New Orleans.
Posted by Alan K. Henderson on 2007 08 17 at 10:08 AM • permalinkI meant “clinch”. And yes, it’s a clinching style which I’m hoping approximates what an evil overlord would do if he were to clinch a fist.
To be honest, I don’t exactly know what that’s like. Karl is the only evil overlord I know and I’ve never seen him in a situation where he clinched his fist. Instead he usually grins, steeples his fingers, and gives a slight nod of approval.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 17 at 10:17 AM • permalinkpaco, i was thinking of taking up woodpecker hunting, inspired in part of course by that obnoxious Woody Woodpecker cartoon, but more recently by these damn birds that love to latch onto the facia of my house and go bug hunting. It makes the house look like someone sprayed it with a tommy gun.
unfortunately i then discovered that woodpeckers are federally protected, and the rightful exercise of my homeowner rights via my 410 would get me a spell in Leavenworth. So I’ve arranged with my local ‘Pecker Armor Contracting Outfitter to have reactive siding put on the house. The next little ornithoperic bastard who tries to dig in my house for lunch is going to get a hell of a surprise…Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 17 at 10:21 AM • permalink#55 Bingley: I can fully appreciate your dilemma. For a while, there was a woodpecker that would set up shop on our roof early in the morning. He finally found more inviting houses, I suppose, because I haven’t heard him lately. There was one in Richmond who used to pound on the steel cap of a light post (sounded like the cook on a ranch banging on a metal triangle, summoning the cowboys for chow). Our latest scourge from the animal kingdom is carpenter bees. I had never heard of the things; I was simply under the impression that the bumble bees buzzing around the garage were unusually large. Then we started finding holes, so we had the house treated (twice).
yep, it’s exactly those bees, well, their larvae, really, that are the food source.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 17 at 10:58 AM • permalinkOnce I heard something outside my apartment window (which were closed, and the a/c was on) that sounded like a giant woodpecker—or a repeating rifle being shot into aluminum siding. I went outside and saw two gigantic sandhill cranes. They were as tall as my shoulder and showed no fear whatsoever. It’s a good thing we don’t have woodpeckers that big.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 08 17 at 11:53 AM • permalinkI forgot—that noise was actually their call. I had never heard anything like it. By the way, anyone who doubts that birds evolved from dinosaurs needs to stand next to one of these things. All they were missing were teeth.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 08 17 at 11:54 AM • permalink#55 Mr. Bingley -
i was thinking of taking up woodpecker hunting, inspired in part of course by that obnoxious Woody Woodpecker cartoon, but more recently by these damn birds that love to latch onto the facia of my house and go bug hunting. It makes the house look like someone sprayed it with a tommy gun.
Bingley, it was sprayed by an AK47 assault rifle, or more exactly, twelve AK47 assault rifles. When Karl says it’s mandatory that everyone shows up for the weekly VRWC meetings, he means it.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 17 at 12:12 PM • permalink#60 I’ll never miss another, I swear.
And that does explain the tire marks on the lawn…
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 08 17 at 12:32 PM • permalinkAndrea, a neighbor of mine used to raise emus (hell, I don’t know, I’m sure he had a good reason). Once in a while one would get outside the wire and make a break for glorious freedom. Seems they have little survival skills in the Great Northwest - cougar and bear present a somewhat different challenge than packs of dingos and feral rabbits (although we do have the latter, but unlike the Australian varieties ours aren’t venomous).
Anyway once my dog returned from foraging in the underbrush with… my God, that’s a dinosaur foot! This was before I hung around this site so I didn’t know about Wronwright and the TARDIS. Anyway, a second’s reflection convinced me that whatever he was chewing on could not possibly be from a dinosaur, probably. It was an emu foot.
But it really did look like a prop from Jurassic Park.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 08 17 at 02:56 PM • permalink#62 Steve: I may have told this story before, but it’s worth retelling.
My mother lives on a little farm in Mann’s Harbor, NC, near the coast, and one of her neighbors runs a private menagerie. He has a flock of emus (plus turkeys, goats, rabbits, a pony, etc.). One day, we were flying a little gas-powered helicopter, and the air currents blew it over some tall pine trees, where it came down on the neighbor’s property. We climbed the fence and made our way through a dense patch of woods and came out in a little pasture. The helicopter had landed safely in the pasture, but was surrounded by a flock (gaggle?) of emus. They had come together and were standing in a circle, just staring at the helicopter. I couldn’t help but think they were wallowing in the smug assurance that being flightless was obviously superior to this kind of thing.
63 paco
Maybe they were so awestruck at the machines ability to fly they sought to gather ‘round and pray to their new found g-d.
“O great flighted metal being, please bless us with the secret of flight, we want to get the fugouttahere”
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 17 at 04:16 PM • permalinkpaco, go back and see if they’ve built wicker helicopters.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 08 17 at 06:31 PM • permalinkSay, I just checked out the Limbaugh interview and it leaves out the most interesting stuff, like:
Was Rove stroking a white Persian cat?
Did he wear a Nehru jacket?
Did he, at any time, say “Good evening Mr. Bond, we’ve been expecting you”?
No, check the latter one - Bond wouldn’t stand a chance.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 08 17 at 06:46 PM • permalink67
You missed the part where he asked for ONE MMIILLIIOOON DOOLLLLAARRRS…MWUAHA, MWUAHA, MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH…......
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 08 17 at 07:10 PM • permalink
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Sure, they’re laughing and cheering now. Wait a while, until they realize that the only thing worse than the Dark Lord running the White House is the Dark Lord operating under the radar.
Buwahahaha!