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DEATH BY CHOCOLATE
The torture continues for Gitmo detainees:
Meals totaling a whopping 4,200 calories per day are brought to their cells, well above the 2,000 to 3,000 calories recommended for weight maintenance by U.S. government dietary guidelines. And some inmates are eating everything on the menu ...
Human rights groups attribute the weight gain to lack of exercise.
Time to bring back the Electrified Treadmill of Tormentulation!
Good strategy. A fat terrorist can’t run fast and requires a larger holes to slip through.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2006 10 07 at 10:03 AM • permalinkListen. The Geneva Conventions are very clear on this matter: prisoners cannot be offered inducements, like chocolate bars, in exchange for military information. I blame Nestle’s, myself.
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 10 07 at 10:06 AM • permalinkI wonder if Halliburton has the contract to feed those creeps?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 10 07 at 10:17 AM • permalinkI sense an opportunity for a reality TV show. The Biggest Jihadi perhaps?
Although the things that Jillian would do to them might actually contravene the Geneva Convention and give the lefties something to really complain about.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 10 07 at 10:23 AM • permalinkWhen Yusif sits around the cave, he really sits around the cave!
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 10 07 at 10:26 AM • permalinkNo, this sad tale is death by chocolate, courtesy of Miss Moracle Whip.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 10 07 at 10:32 AM • permalinkMy imam’s so fat that he has his own area code.
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 10 07 at 11:51 AM • permalinkIt sounds like what Gitmo needs is a Jenny Craig franchise!
Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2006 10 07 at 11:52 AM • permalinkWe (the U.S.) are still kicking this dead horse…Below are the quotes, with play by play commentary by, moi.
Guards describe Guantanamo prisoner abuse
Guantanamo guards described physically and mentally abusing detainees, including slamming one’s head into a cell door (bad form, it should be through the door) and denying them privileges merely to anger them,(well damn, but the female paralegal said… gee, you look cute when you’re angry) a U.S. Marine said in a document made public on Friday.
“Examples of this abuse included hitting detainees, (hopefully with a bat or worse) denying them water, and removal of privileges for no reason,” (I hate when this happens, I, to this day think my dearly departed parents, were guilty of the same damn thing) the Marine Corps sergeant stated in a sworn affidavit sent to the Pentagon’s inspector general’s office for investigation.
Bless the lawyers..I don’t think Shakesphere meant this in the context that I do, or would...“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”.
“The fact that members of the U.S. Navy can sit around at a bar and laugh about beating detainees for no reason is outrageous (actually, it’s A HOOT, you should see it and hear it, when we really get shit-faced). We’re one step away from Abu Ghraib (Iraq prison abuse scandal) or possibly worse,”
Like, gulags in North Korea…Huh?, Huh?
The above was presented to you in partnership with al-Reuters
“Examples of this abuse included hitting detainees…”
Gee, guards in a prison are smacking around unruly prisoners (like in every prison on earth).
Someone alert Amnesty International.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2006 10 07 at 01:20 PM • permalinkI have this picture in my head of some fat bastard galumphing over the hills of Afghanistan,desperately trying to hold on to his chocolate bars and an AK at the same time.
While a drone circles lazily above…...Posted by Crusader rabbit on 2006 10 07 at 02:25 PM • permalinkJust think of a future Guantanamo Cook Book
Writen in Arabic preferably
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 10 07 at 02:46 PM • permalink#17
I have this picture in my head of some fat bastard galumphing over the hills of Afghanistan,desperately trying to hold on to his chocolate bars and an AK at the same time.
While a drone circles lazily above….........about to launch an entirely new idea in the whole concept of fatwa at the fat bastard.
Guess this puts the “fat” in fatwa, huh?
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 10 07 at 04:58 PM • permalinkThis is unacceptab;le behavior by the USA. They should have drained these scum of whatever information they had, tried them before military tribunals, and hanged them for being illegal combattants years ago.
Let’s do that now. Better late than never. And while they are waiting for their fates feed them MREs.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2006 10 07 at 05:02 PM • permalinkMREs!! yegods!! are there no depths of savagery the VRWC will not plumb?
Posted by Crusader rabbit on 2006 10 07 at 05:24 PM • permalink#25. MREs!! yegods!! are there no depths of savagery the VRWC will not plumb?
Well, yes. Nobody will go down below the fifteenth level of wronwright’s subbasement. He refuses to say what’s down there, exactly, but it’s got to be pretty bad judging from the smell. Thank goodness the meade is stored higher up.
I’ve been down there, Rebecca—it’s all good stuff.
Trust me.Posted by Crusader rabbit on 2006 10 07 at 06:31 PM • permalink#22 and #30
This could be much more sinister than it at first appears. Have you noticed that Mr Creosote could easily pass for a “person of Middle Eastern appearance”?
Has this ugly new terror weapon already been deployed?
The Gitmo Graduate Fat Bastard Exloding Fatwa On Wine Pushing Infidel Restaurants.
And at 4200 calories, that makes them about 60% better nourished than the average inhabitant of the neighbouring People’s Paradise.
Apparently even David Hicks is getting fat and pasty. I thought the boys at Gitmo were supposed to be held in ‘cages’, open to the fierce Cuban summer? I suppose Amnesty International will now be calling for tanning lamps to be installed over the interrogation La-Z-Boys. I’m sure there’s a clause about tanning in the Geneva Convention.
Now I understand what Amnesty International was on about.
Guantanamo has become the Gulag of our times, entrenching the notion that people can be detained without recourse to the law.
Seems Solzhenitsyn was full of crap all along.
If the intellectuals in the plays of Chekhov who spent all their time guessing what would happen in 20, 30, or 40 years had been told that in 40 years interrogation by torture would be practiced in Russia; that prisoners would have their skulls squeezed within iron rings; that a human being would be lowered into an acid bath; that they would be trussed up naked to be bitten by ants and bedbugs; that a ramrod heated over a primus stove would be thrust up their anal canal (the “secret brand”); that a man’s genitals would be slowly crushed beneath the toe of a jackboot; and that, in the luckiest possible circumstances, prisoners would be tortured by being kept from sleeping for a week, by thirst, and by being beaten to a bloody pulp, not one of Chekhov’s plays would have gotten to its end because all the heroes would have gone off to insane asylums.
The estimated 8-10 million victims of the real Gulag of our times? They died slowly from obesity related diseases. The Stalinists fed them to death.
Just ask AI.
For your amusement and edification, a poem I learned by heart when I was a little girl ...
Thomas was a little glutton
Who took four times beef or mutton
Then undid a lower button
And consumed plum duff.He was told “You won’t get thinner
“While you eat so much for dinner
“And if you don’t take care some inner
“Part of you will burst.”But he said “What does it matter?
“Even if I do get fatter
“Put more pudding on my platter
“Let it do its worst!”Then one day (and little wonder)
There came a report like thunder
Doors and windows burst asunder
And the cat had fits.As his anxious friends foreboded
Dangerously overloaded
Thomas had at length exploded
And was blown to bits.His old nurse cried (much disgusted)
“Just when I’ve swept and dusted
“Drat that boy he’s gone and busted
“Making such a mess.”And the awful task of peeling
Thomas from the walls and ceiling
Gave his family a feeling
Of sincere distress.When a boy who so obese is
As to scatter into pieces
And the cause of his decease is
Having overdinedIt’s rather hard to give a version
Of the cause of his dispersion
To the papers for insertion
It must be ... refined.Any sorrowing relation
Asked for an elucidation
Of the awful detonation
Was obliged to say:“Germans have not been to bomb us
“That was only little Thomas
“Who, alas, departed from us
“In that noisy way.”You must have had a childhood like the Baudelaires’.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 10 08 at 05:11 PM • permalink
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Get the Islamists to watch Richard Simmons videos. We shall call it Allah-robics