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CULTURE SHIFT ENCOURAGED
Some advice for anti-American future US resident Toni Collette - whose slashed wrists of 2004 are now presumably healed - from the Deceiver:
Collette can still pull off this whole “Aussie Pride” thing without contradicting herself. The trick is to homeschool the kid and feed her (or him!) a steady diet of nothing but Australian movies and TV shows. They’ve got at least a dozen of each down there, and that’s not even counting the Yahoo Serious oeuvre. Her people have recently discovered how to fashion crude DVDs out of available materials (rocks and sand, mostly), so that should help. Then she can make her vacuous American fodder, collect her vacuous American dollars, and still have a clear conscience. Yay!
Trouble is, every time filming ends and Toni flies home from LA she’ll be killing Gaia. Toni’s better off staying in the US. Please.
How long would a sailboat take from L.A. to Sydney?
The wild card, I suppose, would be its onboard supply of wind.
Posted by Rittenhouse on 2007 12 03 at 11:34 AM • permalinkWith the help of Google and IMDB, I learned the following about her project:
“The United States of Tara” (2008)TV-Series
Creator:
Steven Spielberg
Genre:
ComedyPlot Outline:
A woman struggles to find a balance between her dissociative identity disorder and raising a dysfunctional family.So it’s like the tree-falls-in-the-forest question: If a goofy woman raises a dysfunctional family in Southern California, how could anyone tell?
“I’m shocked - SHOCKED! - to find that there’s some sort of hanky-panky going on here!”
How about we compromise? Toni can film her series in Guam, which is in between Australia and the USA.
But she can never leave that island. There she must stay, forever.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 12 03 at 12:28 PM • permalinkOne more show to avoid. I don’t like being bitten so I’ll not feed big egos. I still can’t understand why she thinks her opinion regarding politics should influence anybody.
The irony of the whole thing is that she’s done her most recognized work with an American accent and will be doing so again in the future.
#12, on the other hand, she’d be right at home on Guam. There’s an Outback Steakhouse so she could hide herself from that vacuous American culture.
You know, I’ve been to Oz a bunch of times and never seen an Outback Steakhouse there. I was puzzled and disappointed until I relaized that they must be some sort of cultural outreach program for the rest of us.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 12 03 at 12:50 PM • permalinkHey, my kids LOVED the Wiggles, aren’t there still re-runs on here??
Fruit Salad,
Yummy, yummy…...
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 12 03 at 02:06 PM • permalink“Toni’s better off staying in the US. Please.”
Hey, don’t you fob her off on us. You grew this self-righteousness, you should have to deal with its bad breath. God knows we produce enough we don’t have to import it from abroad, or a broad.
Posted by mencken_cynic on 2007 12 03 at 03:15 PM • permalink#29
Old Tanker, I can confirm that not only are the wiggles still singing about fruit salad, but they are also now singing that song in Spanish.
ensalata da fruita!
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 12 03 at 03:29 PM • permalink#9
Yojimbo, the way Toni and her ilk fly around, we’ll soon be forced to plant trees in the desert to counter their carbon output.
At that point, some nutter will object to the vast re-arranging of the environment, the digging of bores and canals and the fact that trees change the local micro-climate, and we’ll have a fantastic punch-up between those that want the world to stay exactly as it is - like a static Disneyland - and those artistes that want to live like the glamorous Hollywood stars of yesteryear.
Isn’t it great that the arts will drive the change in the environment in some areas (trees replacing whatever was there before) in order to stop the climate changing because that will change the environment.
Kind of does my head in.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 12 03 at 03:34 PM • permalinkYou know, I don’t think a good lefty momma would like the result of making her toddler watch hundreds of screenings of Les Paterson movies… I’m just saying.
Maybe she should subscribe to Purely Australian Content Online? I mean, sure, it’s only accessible by 28.8 dialup, but dammit….
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 12 03 at 04:26 PM • permalinkMr Creosote. You seem to be advocating some blood on the tree of artistic expression. Luckily, that has already been taken care of.
“When in the Course of artistic expression, it becomes necessary for one set of artists to dissolve the artistic conventions of another set of artists that has connected them with arts entitlement structure…...and to institue another set of artistic conventions, laying its foundation on such principles and arts grants organizations that will most likely bring them closer to the princples of Gaia….”
A bit O/T but:
Global Warming strikes Canadian icon
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 12 03 at 07:03 PM • permalinkIn order to appease both the US and Australia, I suggest we whack the bitch.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 12 03 at 07:31 PM • permalinkI have this nightmare of the ultimate chick flick - starring Toni Colette, Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Gwyneth Paltrow and Julia Roberts.
Posted by David Morgan on 2007 12 03 at 08:30 PM • permalinkOh God, have I just given some sicko of a Hollywood producer an idea? Delete it, Tim, please delete it!
Posted by David Morgan on 2007 12 03 at 08:31 PM • permalink#36 - First class travel? WTF? Business class should be the absolute max fare allowed. Give us back our fucking money, you moon faced, stripper fondling, piss ant.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 12 03 at 09:23 PM • permalink#32 El Cid
Toni’s better off staying in the US. Please.
HELL NO!
We gave ya’ back Dawood. Come on, huh?
That’s probably our penance for sending him back!!!
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 12 03 at 11:35 PM • permalink#39, come on, OT, they wanted him back! All that whining… sorry, whinging, and now their folk hero takes his rightful place alongside Ned Kelly.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 12 04 at 12:25 AM • permalinkHmm, looks like the carbon-credit scheme/indulgences system should be broadened to include a Vacuous Twit Credit scheme, or Hot Air Credits {for those who talk a good game and do nothing).
A Pernicious Aerated Claptrap Ordure credit scheme perhaps?
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 12 04 at 12:28 AM • permalink#22 ”...not only are the wiggles still singing about fruit salad, but they are also now singing that song in Spanish.”
And this, folks, is what happiness is all about…Posted by carpefraise on 2007 12 04 at 12:31 AM • permalink#33 Well, David Morgan, I usually enjoy Sandra Bullock’s flicks.
Jennifer Aniston’s not bad for light and fluffy fare, either.
I think we can leave the others out of it.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 12 04 at 05:13 AM • permalink#44 Yes, Nilk, I know there are many who like them.
It’s just I never got over the experience of going into a newsagent several years ago and seeing Jennifer Aniston on the cover of four - count ‘em, four - different magazines at once.
Posted by David Morgan on 2007 12 04 at 05:23 AM • permalinkThis is a little OT, but seeing the references at #15 and #21 to Outback Steakhouse made me laugh out loud. I encountered that chain when I travelled to the US in 2005. It’s the funniest place you ever saw - kind of like seeing your entire nationality through one of those warped showgrounds mirrors (for example, by encountering the meal described as the “Wallaby Darned”). Mostly the restaurant was just fun good natured cliche and parody, and the food is pretty good. The only scandalous thing I saw (in Steakhouse at Houma in Louisiana) was what had been done to this Sidney Nolan painting. I can only assume it was because the trooper was the only readily identifiable thing in the picture that they hung the bloody thing upside down!
Anyway, I was most pleased to see that it’s a popular chain over there. Like getting my wife’s godson hooked on Caramello Koalas, it’s just one more step in the fiendish plan for Australian World Domination (TM)!
Posted by Renegade Lawyer on 2007 12 04 at 08:46 AM • permalink#46 Renegade
I always wondered what an Aussie would think of the place but then in the same instant I would cringe at what an Aussie would think of the place!! I always figured it was over the top cliche but I do like the food, whether it is remotely authentic or not…
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 12 04 at 09:59 AM • permalinkJ.M.
Nice “camping” photos, to bad you guys bought THOSE tanks. I especially liked the photo of the guys starting to change the track….and none too soon, good grief, there was NO rubber left on that set!!! That’s a job I don’t miss. If we were lucky we could get the M88 over and use their compressor and air tools, made the job MUCH easier.
I still am envious of the cots!!
O/T Looks like my Red Wings get your Sens in a January cross conference game…may the best Red Wings win!!
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 12 04 at 10:08 AM • permalinkMy SENS???
Vancouver Canucks, please ...The Leo2s are ‘borrowed’ from the Bundeswehr; our 2A6s aren’t due for a couple more months.
Cheers
Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 12 04 at 04:13 PM • permalinkCanucks…..
Still doesn’t change the outcome…hehehehe!
By the way, they’re still not M1’s!!!! ;-)
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 12 04 at 09:15 PM • permalinkI’ll be interested in the M1 when the engine is stamped P&WC;. And the 2A6 has the L55 gun ... amongst other things.
Cheers
Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 12 05 at 04:09 AM • permalink
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No, that’s ok Tim, you can have her.