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COLUMN STAGGERS THROUGH VAULTED ARCHWAY
In this week’s Bulletin: Tony Wright meets Todd Russell and Brant Webb, and a Continuing Crisis column about some book.
The column just keeps getting better and better. How true is this, lol:
Are these the people Australians consider ‘heroes’? Two white heterosexual males, who held the nation’s undivided attention for a full two hours on Sunday night but didn’t once denounce – not once – John Howard’s cruel exploitation of their fellow workers? Who didn’t say a word about Tasmania’s Aboriginal genocide? Who earned their living draining blood from the Earth’s endangered heart?” – Traceeee Hutchison, columnist, the Melbourne Age.
Any time anyone has their 15 minutes of fame, the left-leaning press arescanning comments like some ancient manuscript, looking for the Fairfax Codeie, any Hint of Howard hating or Bush blaming, any word or syllable that could infer disapproval of these two. Positive comments mean a snide response as to their level of education or socio-economic situation.
The DaNish Code in which cartoonists draw something in a newspaper. Six months later, after machinations by fundamentalist hate-fomenters, entire nations are afire, there are worldwide riots resulting in deaths and the fundamentalist fomenters call for destruction of several European countries.
No wait, the Catholics are the evil enemy. What was I thinking?
How about the Da Cindi Code? An ethereal, tragic being from a flower-strewn higher plane descends to Australia to lead the people Into The Light.
Missing gravestones, the age-old secrets of The Plastic Turkey, mysteries from the Middle East, this story has everything except a plot, a hero, or a point.
Renowned activist, Cindy Sheehan, staggers through pre-war Iraq, past the chocolate streams, the lollypop bushes and the happy,kite-flying kiddies, and lunges at a statue of
Michael MooreSaddam.Posted by AlburyShifton on 2006 05 23 at 10:19 PM • permalinkThen there’s the Da Grinchi Code, where a hairy green monk steals Christmas in order to make Micks who’ve lost their faith return to the church of Rome; this fails however, as they’re all at bingo and don’t notice.
And what about the Da Hinchi Toad, where an expatriate New Zealander radio host with ratings dropping faster than Cindy Sheehan’s credibility every time she opens her big gob and vents her empty head gets hold of a confidential report into the unfortunate death of a servicement, and mis-uses same to try to boost his deservedly dissapearing profile. Karma is achieved when he croaks shortly thereafter from “natural causes” and his coffin is dropped in front of snap-happy papparazzi, and his corpse is found to have several ugly, flightless, nearsighted birds inserted in its rectum through a tube filled with birdseed.
Next week a column entitled Vidi, vici, veni?
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2006 05 24 at 01:25 AM • permalink
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What about the Duh- Winci Code?
Australian television viewers are forced to view drunken shennanigans by a selection of bogans on Big Brother, and recoil in horror; they question if the Catholic church’s swing to secularism is the cause of the moral decay of yobbos and silicone-enhanced slappers, or are they just pillocks?
This leads to The Mincey Mode, where people finally have their intelligence insulted enough to rise up, grab assorted network executives and executive producers and feed them screaming into an industrial meat processing machine, where they finally serve a worthwile purpose by being feed to ravenous dogs.