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CITY BLAMED
“Much of present evil is New York-made,” writes Big Idiot Bob Ellis, who’s developed a late-life loathing of the Big Apple:
Heath Ledger at 28, Dylan Thomas at 39, died of drugs mis-prescribed by New York doctors; John Hargreaves at 50, Peter Allen at 48 of AIDS caught in New York’s bath-houses; Peter Finch at 60 of heart-strain making a New York film. John Lennon was shot dead there; Russell Crowe, booked and shamed for throwing a phone at a clerk, all but lost his stardom there.
What is it about New York?
It’s a big place, Bob. Things happen.
Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier put on their Romeo and Juliet there. It failed so badly they sat in the box office for two days giving customers their money back. Elia Kazan was arrested for having communist tendencies there and, grassing, lost most of his friends. Tennessee Williams inhaled a bottle-cap, choked and died there; Truman Capote gave up writing there, and died soused at 59.
What is it about New York?
I’m not sure Elia Kazan was ever arrested “for having communist tendencies”, but if he was, hey, way to go NYPD.
Bob’s already running out of anti-NYC ammunition. Monroe died in Los Angeles; Garland in London. But this is mere filler, while bold Bob builds to one of those daring lines of his:Marilyn Monroe learned the Method there, and such unwieldy pretension and such drug use she died at 36. Judy Garland frequently attempted suicide there, and died at 47.
What is it about New York?
Mohamed Atta aimed a plane at a New York tower, and died at 32.
What is it about Bob Ellis? What manner of sociopath could reduce September 11 to an obituary for the mass killer who caused it? Perhaps Bob would be more moved by the deaths of Atta’s victims if among them were celebrities:
I would not have written this had Heath, whom I met once, and John Lennon, whom I met once, not died in New York, not died too young. Settled in Perth, or Liverpool, or London, or Melbourne, they would have survived to be 80.
Hey, Bob? Move to New York. Please.
‘I hate you, New York!’ Jack Lemon shouted in The Out-of-Towners. Me too. Me too.
That would be Jack Lemmon, dopey. Thank you, ABC, for spending our taxes on this and other pieces by Australia’s only ambulatory, speech-capable beermat.
(Via Adrian the cabbie, who notes that, as usual, Ellis’s piece is a goldmine for fact-checkers. Have at it.)
UPDATE. Bob hard at work with his Labor friend.
I went to New York once. I had no idea I was in such danger.
I was, however, instantly pegged as a tourist because I was not dressed in all black.
Posted by tabitharuth on 2008 02 12 at 11:18 AM • permalinkHmmmm.
New York, New York!
It’s a helluva town!!!!IMO. You live in New York. You deserve what you get.
‘Cause I live in New Jersey and I gots to look down on SOMEBODY. :)
Posted by memomachine on 2008 02 12 at 11:23 AM • permalinkBob should avoid New York. He’s in danger of dying from non sequitors if he goes there.
Posted by Mystery Meat on 2008 02 12 at 11:36 AM • permalinkThe Statue of Liberty made them do it! “It may be something in the air, I suppose, but I myself am inclined to blame the Statue of Liberty.” Tear it down!
Elia Kazan, incidentally, was never arrested for having communist sympathies, in New York or elsewhere.
“Peter Allen at 48 of AIDS caught in New York’s bath-houses”. Right. Wouldn’t have happened if he had hung out in San Francisco.
“Russell Crowe, booked and shamed for throwing a phone at a clerk, all but lost his stardom there.” Spot on. Prior to coming to New York, Russell Crowe was known as the film industry’s best-known shrinking violet.
Really, there is a surplus of ignoramuses writing for the news and opinion media, and it’s time to start thinning the herd.
Don’t forget that New York was also responsible for our Sorry PM ogling naked women.
Posted by Villeurbanne on 2008 02 12 at 11:46 AM • permalinkWell, I hate to smear with a broad brush, but whenever I think of New York I think of Al Sharpton.
That and my brother-in-law’s ex wife was from Jackson Heights and a greater bint you will not find in this world or the next.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2008 02 12 at 11:50 AM • permalinkHonor killings, anyone? It’s the Sharia, stupid!
Mohamed Atta aimed a plane at a New York tower, and died at 32.
I think what Ellis is saying is that New York made him do it. Poor guy.
Posted by wronwright on 2008 02 12 at 11:59 AM • permalinkFrom Wikipedia on Dylan Thomas: “Attributing factors towards the cause of death are recorded as pneumonia, a result of the coma, with pressure upon the brain. Emphysema was also noted, due to Thomas’ smoking habit and possibly his intake of morphine. His liver, according to the patholgist, was surprisingly healthier than one would have imagined. ‘Chronic alcohol poisoning’ was eventually ruled as the official cause of death.”
Of course, Dylan Thomas was a complete teetotaler before showing up in New York.
#1 Paco, a few weeks ago I was reading Wikipedia’s List of Unusual Deaths. Poor Aeschylus - what a way to go. Look out Peter Garrett! Isadora Duncan: yikes!
But I digress.
Tennessee Williams:
1983: Author Tennessee Williams died at the age of 71 after he choked on an eyedrop bottle cap in his room at the Hotel Elysee in New York. He would routinely place the cap in his mouth, lean back, and place his eyedrops in each eye. His brother Dakin and some friends believed he was murdered. The police report, however, suggested his use of drugs and alcohol contributed to his death. Many prescription drugs were found in the room. Williams’ lack of gag response may have been due to drugs and alcohol effects.
It may be something in the air, I suppose, but I myself am inclined to blame the Statue of Liberty. It gives you a sense of possibility no lifetime can fulfil. It gives you ideas above your station, the station of humankind.
“Evil Statue of Liberty! Filling people’s heads with possibilities, and giving them ideas about “getting above their station”! Harrumph!”
And then Bob Ellis put his monocle back in his eye, shook out his newspaper in an irritated fashion, and signaled the footman for another sherry.
Lots of rich people get rich on Wall Street.
Lots of published writers get published on 3rd Avenue.
Lots of big-time actors meet their first success on Broadway. Lots of big-time actors survive their biggest bombs on Broadway.
Lots of famous reporters get famous writing for a newspaper on Times Square.
Lots of fashion designers get their big break on Fashion Row.
Lots of renowned artists make it big in Soho or Greenwich Village or Red Hook.
Every dead great artist has been exhibited in the Met or the Modern or the Whitney.
Lots of stuff happens here to lots of people.
#17 C.L.: An absolutely fascinating list. Aeschylus was surely the only person to die that way. And one wonders how often this has happened: “336: Arius, the heretical priest who precipitated the Council of Nicea, passed wind and evacuated his internal organs.” No fobbing that fart off on somebody else!
Hey, Paco,
Given Capote’s uh, “proclivities” it’s a surprise that cap didn’t constipate him to death.Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2008 02 12 at 12:52 PM • permalinkA New Yorker, Franklin Roosevelt, sent back boatloads of frantic Jewish refugees to Nazi Germany. The Holocaust followed, the state of Israel, 9/11, the current wars. Much of present evil is New York-made. Much of the money that keeps wars going is New York money, ill-spent.
FDR was therefore responsible for the Holocaust, 9/11, and worst of all, the Jews getting a country of their own.
For the last nine of his 40 years Lennon never visited England. He feared that if he did so, his US passport would be revoked. So he stayed on in New York, with his heroin, his American wife, his litigation, his festering inner devils unassuaged, in a known apartment block Mark Chapman staked out, and died there with much music unsung by a world bereft of it. The latter Beatles albums of the 1990s. The fresh new anthems of world peace.
Pardon my French, but what the fuck?
Then I can blame New York for my ex-husband, who was from Mt. Vernon. I just presumed that he was a child-beating, evil little cockroach by nature.
Heavens, take away what Bob Ellis is smoking/drinking/injecting. He’s gone over the deep end.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2008 02 12 at 02:02 PM • permalinkIt’s something everybody knows, but they’re afraid to say… If we could just stop New York in its tracks there wouldn’t be a war and there wouldn’t be any terror, and there wouldn’t be a war on terror.
Gee, it was just a small art installation expressing the unending drama of Islamo-fascist egotistic expression. It needed broad brush strokes and a very large canvas.
What?!!!
Oh, applications for arts grants down the hall on the right… Yes, of course.
My GOD, what an arrogant, misinformed putz!
Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 02 12 at 02:51 PM • permalinkTell me, izzat Ellis feller one of them 2,000 deep thinkers that I’ve heered will soon get together down there to share their ideas?
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 02 12 at 03:35 PM • permalinkCaesar was murdered in Rome.
Nero burned Rome.
Evil Borgia popes resided in Rome.
The conquest of the known world was plotted in Rome.
Many ursurpers tried to take over Rome, were defeated and died (Mark Antony?)
What is it about Rome?
Posted by mr creosote on 2008 02 12 at 03:52 PM • permalinkI am sure I read somewhere that scientists had discovered that the earwax that KRudd extracted from his earhole was a more intelligent form of life than Bob Ellis.
Posted by mr creosote on 2008 02 12 at 03:54 PM • permalinkBob the Bilesponge… can we fix him?
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 02 12 at 04:24 PM • permalinkI love New York ...
I love New York ...Bob Ellis is just jealous. Probably got tossed out of a bar there once and never got over the fact that his intellect and erudition weren’t appreciated.
And just what’s with the Atta reference?
#12, joe bagadonuts from Joisey. Agree with you about Al Sharpton. A blight on New York - and on humankind for that matter. How he’s survived this long is beyond me.
Hey, I tried to post twice! What’s happening?
Posted by carpefraise on 2008 02 12 at 05:33 PM • permalinkRight then. This little roach’s laughable premise aside…
Posted by carpefraise on 2008 02 12 at 05:36 PM • permalinkWhat is it about London?
Edward II had a red hot poker shoved up where the sun don’t shine there.
The great fire was there.
The colonisation of North America and Australia (for which we are today all very,very sorry) was plotted there.
Mary of Scots, Anne Boleyn, ad Charles I were all beheaded there.
Karl Marx wrote Das Kapital there- leading to the deaths of at least 190 million
The worlds first subway was there- giving the depressed and the drunk a new way to end their lives.
Many of Goring’s brave blitzing luftwaffe pilots were killed there.
The Spice girls were formed there.
What is it about London?
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 05:44 PM • permalinkBob’s town, Sydney:
Michael Hutchence, visiting London-based rock star, suicide, age 36
Tony Hancock, visiting British comedian, suicide, age 44
Charmaine Dragun, visiting Perth newsreader, suicide, age 29What makes people visiting Sydney suddenly decide to take their own lives? Meeting Bob perhaps?
"Big Idiot Bob Ellis”
That pretty well sums it up.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 12 at 05:52 PM • permalinkI posted previously on the subject of America-poisoning....Hey Ellis, where are my royalties?
Posted by Margos Maid on 2008 02 12 at 06:00 PM • permalinkegg_, since no other has acknowleged your truly excellent zinger at #4, I will do so now: Ha! Ha, ha!
Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 02 12 at 06:06 PM • permalinkYeah, that’s right. Doctors cause overdoses, because the patient is too clueless to be responsible for the drugs ingested.
Well, you can say one thing for ol’ Bob, he understands the leftist impulse for victimology as used to explain away irresponsible behavior. Nothing is anyone’s fault--someone else is always the cause.
Bravo.
"New York bred Lee Harvey Oswald, but they’re proud of it.”
Actually, Oswald was born and raised in New Orleans, and only lived in New York for a brief period (where he discovered the joys of socialism, which, of course, makes him Bob’s co-religionist).
Somehow, I doubt too many New Yorkers are proud of Oswald, other than perhaps New York’s communist and Palestinian terrorist population, which is the segment of the population (in New York or anywhere else) that seems to enjoy shooting Kennedys.
I also suspect that the murder of John Kennedy had a lot more to do with Oswald’s communistic leanings than the fact that he’d resided in New York for a few months.
Needless to say, Lee Harvey Oswald’s communist beliefs aren’t likely to be a subject of one of Bob Ellis’ tirades anytime soon.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 12 at 06:32 PM • permalinkPhatty has advised Bob the pissmat that the best way to create notoriety is to attack anything United States and have lots of well known names in it. The good news is that it appears in an ABC publication with very low readership that talks to the converted who are already nodding before they start reading.
It may be something in the air, I suppose, but I myself am inclined to blame the Statue of Liberty. It gives you a sense of possibility no lifetime can fulfil. It gives you ideas above your station, the station of humankind.
Explains why Bob is the only guy who cheers at the end of Planet of the Apes.
#55 - Hilly, I take it you refer to grabbing the spongey end of the stick by mistake?
Posted by mr creosote on 2008 02 12 at 06:45 PM • permalink"Mohamed Atta aimed a plane at a New York tower, and died at 32.”
So, if an Arabian Muslim fanatic comes to New York and helps murder 3,000 people...it’s New York’s fault????
This guy (Ellis) is a complete psycho. But, you know who is even loonier than Ellis? The taxpayers of Australia who are giving him a platform to spew this kind of nonsense on their dime.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 12 at 06:48 PM • permalinkI would not have written this had Heath, whom I met once, and John Lennon, whom I met once, not died in New York, not died too young.
Was the point of his column to name drop Heath Ledger & John Lennon? I am completely unconvinced that he would have made a big impact on either one of them.
I can understand why meeting bob, the fly-blown old hack, would make you want to kill yourself. Or possibly cause you to over self-medicate, I just can’t understand how it causes you to get shot.
All this spite and bile spewed at NY after NY was kind enough to host the latest Godzilla rampage?
They volunteered themselves to give Tokyo a break and see what it got them? Nothing but disrespect and abuse.
All y’all furrin devils shouldn’t be surprised when we decide NOT to share the secret codes and enemy weaknesses that allow us to defeat the next wave of invasion from outer space.
All y’all are on your own.
I guess the phrase about New York from the song “if you can make it there/you can make it anywhere” has had its obverse proved as true by Mr. Ellis, because obviously he couldn’t make it there.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 02 12 at 07:50 PM • permalinkNext he’ll be talking about LA and it’s crazy pop singers crashing and burning and how’s it’s La’s fault.
What a douche.
Posted by Old school on 2008 02 12 at 07:57 PM • permalinkGotta say, I feel no urge to move back to NYC. All the bookstores and most of the bars I knew and loved are gone and replaced with plastic crap.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 02 12 at 09:15 PM • permalinkI’ve been to New York three times. Twice before 9-11 and once after.
I love the place. We walked down streets in NY at night. Everyone, and I mean eaveryone, was welcoming and nice.
We used to go for breakfast in one of the cafe’s down near Wall St. Awesome.
NY Cops? Nice guys. No issues whatsoever, and freindly.
NY Hot Dogs on the street? Delicious.
The citizens? Nice.After Sydney, NY city is the best city in the world. (sorry about that Melbourne).
(New Jersey, on the other hand, was a hole. cabbies ripped us off, like they do in many cities, even in Australia).
A couple of other points; Barry Humphries’s first US show failed there (He’s done very nicely there since, thank you, Winston Churchill was hit by a car there just after he lost all his money in the Wall Street crash (got paid $5,000 for writing about it, though) and Dylan Thomas did not die as a result of mis-prescribed drugs but of a whisky binge.
Could the problem be the JOOZ?
Isn’t it true that there are more in NYC than in all the rest of the US?
Aren’t they over-represented in the medical profession, and thus well placed to mis-prescribe drugs?
Posted by pog-ma-thon on 2008 02 12 at 10:27 PM • permalink#69, Merlin:
Snake Plisskin escaped from New York.
Well, of course he did. He’s a conservative and firm 2nd Amendmentist. Also, he was well versed enough in the real world to know that if lost depth perception is a problem (due to being one eyed, or some such) go full auto.
Such folk do not tend to fit well in the victim section of life’s inherent hierarchy.
#67 I hear-tell that Perth cemeteries are full of dead people.
Coincidence? I think not.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2008 02 12 at 10:50 PM • permalink66 - Razor, our score would be a whole lot better if fewer pretentious wankers didn’t fuck off out of town before they dropped.
Perth… It’s a long, long way from anywhere. But it’s got its bad points too.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 02 12 at 10:50 PM • permalinkI would not have written this had Heath, whom I met once, and John Lennon, whom I met once, not died in New York, not died too young.
Sure, blame it on the dead.
Posted by carpefraise on 2008 02 13 at 01:50 AM • permalink#80, wanglese:
Snake (only his friends get to call him Snake) asked me to pass this on to you:
Yeah, you and everybody else!
Oh, and he also said that if you try getting frisky with a tire iron like Duke, he’d not ge so gentle this time.
Of course, he didn’t use near to many words, but he meant it, more or less as stated above.
As Levon Helm noted in The Band’s farewell film “The Last Waltz” (a concert I was privileged to attend, BTW):
“New York is an adult portion. You go there the first time and you get your ass kicked, so you take off till it heals up, then back you go again. Eventually you fall right in love with the place.”
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Tennessee Williams inhaled a bottle-cap
Never mind “what is it about New York?” What was it about Tennnessee Williams that caused him to inhale a bottle cap? How do you do that?