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CHOPPER KHAN

Jemima Khan, ex-wife of Imran, on her former husband’s parenting skills:

When my son was four years old I found him playing with a one-armed Action Man. I asked him what had happened to Action Man. He replied, “[Daddy] said he’d been stealing.” Imran’s idea of a joke.

Actually, that’s not bad. I’ve an uncle with a scarred face (farming accident); when I was four or so, I asked what caused it. Thereafter followed a spontaneously-composed, brilliantly-told tale of sword battle with a rival farmer, ending with the line: “And then I cut his head off.”

Posted by Tim B. on 12/02/2007 at 09:48 AM

  1. A Khan and a Goldsmith. Smiting at 2 paces, I’d have thought. Blood and carnage.

    Posted by mareeS on 2007 12 02 at 10:29 AM • permalink

  2. Dolls are notoriously dishonest.

    Stanley Cavell on dolls.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2007 12 02 at 10:36 AM • permalink

  3. While I admire Khan for writing the article, I think she’s nuts for converting to islam and trying to live in that hellhole, aka Pakistan. Worse, she has two kids who are muslims and citizens of Pakistan and could probably be kidnapped by their father at any time.

    Posted by Redd on 2007 12 02 at 10:41 AM • permalink

  4. “And then I cut his head off…

    ...because he named his tractor Mohammed.”

    Posted by zeppenwolf on 2007 12 02 at 01:44 PM • permalink

  5. #4

    Tim’s uncle lived in a district where they farmed goats.  The rival farmer named his best looked goat Mohammed.  Tim thought it was a tractor because he mis-understood the expression “I ride that thing all day, and it never gives up”.

    Posted by mr creosote on 2007 12 02 at 03:31 PM • permalink

  6. If Imran gets power, he’ll have to stamp out all illegal betting within the Pakistani cricket team.
    A one-armed team is at a huge disadvantage.

    Posted by Barrie on 2007 12 02 at 05:03 PM • permalink

  7. Sort of reminds me of the kid next door in Toy Story (which I just had the [enforced] pleasure of watching for the millionth time yesterday).

    Posted by entropy on 2007 12 02 at 05:19 PM • permalink

  8. #3 Me too.

    #6 Haw haw haw.

    #7 Don’t you know anyone who is going overseas and can get you the second one? Or something new? Kids’ ability to watch the same programme over and over amazes me. I guess they’re practising for when they get to my age, and CRAFT.

    Posted by kae on 2007 12 02 at 05:27 PM • permalink

  9. You don’t want to know what Imran did to Barbie.

    Posted by Quentin George on 2007 12 02 at 05:56 PM • permalink

  10. And then I cut his head off… with the cry, “I ain’t shearing this sheep with anybody!”

    Posted by anthony_r on 2007 12 02 at 06:07 PM • permalink

  11. #8 and on topic, don’t trust/like Khan. Don’t understand why Jemima converted and married him.

    Sense of humour? No. I think he was teaching the kids the Islamic Sharia way.

    Posted by kae on 2007 12 02 at 06:33 PM • permalink

  12. #10

    Had a few beers the other night with me mate the Kiwi bricklayer.

    The night before, he walked into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: This is the pig I shag when you’ve got a headache.

    The girlfriend says: I think you’ll find that is a sheep, idiot.

    Brickie says: I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to you, idiot.

    Posted by Pickles on 2007 12 02 at 08:03 PM • permalink

  13. “And then I cut his head off”...

    Thus are RWDB’s created…was this a seminal moment for you, Tim?

    Spectacular story!

    Posted by MB on 2007 12 02 at 09:10 PM • permalink

  14. I have some pretty good scars from a childhood incident with a glass door. When people ask what happened they get anything from “I was attacked by sharks” to “I fought off 25 Sharpies”.
    My favourite though is to look down at the scars, look puzzled, then announce “shit, they weren’t there this morning”.

    Posted by Gibbo on 2007 12 03 at 12:15 AM • permalink

  15. Gibbo, I have some fairly noticable scars on my hand plus a “tattoo” on my right knee which used to be part of my Levi’s - the result of my last motorcycle wreck. I’m going to borrow your comments, if you don’t mind? Most people don’t ask (this IS the American South & folks still tend to be aggressively polite), but I do like a witty comeback on those other occasions. Thanks!

    Posted by KC on 2007 12 03 at 11:06 AM • permalink

  16. Along the same line as Gibbo’s comment, back in my college days, I knew a girl who had been born with one hand. A lady stopped her on the street and said, “Oh, my dear, what happened to your arm?” She peeked up her sleeve, looked at the lady with a surprised expression, and said, “I’ll be damned! First my car keys and now this! I tell you, this has not been my day.”

    Posted by ErnieG on 2007 12 03 at 01:56 PM • permalink

  17. I used to work with a guy who had some pretty good facial scaring. Someone once pulled a few of us aside and said “What happened to your mate’s face?” to which one of the lads said “You know how your Mum always said don’t pull faces because if the wind blows it will stay that way? Well, the wind blew.”

    Posted by Gibbo on 2007 12 03 at 06:22 PM • permalink

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