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CHIMPFEST 2005
Chimpy McBushitler? Chimpron W. Hitlerburton? Chimperial pResident of ZioniKKKa, Abu Jesus W. Chimplerstein? Come forward with your own suggestions as we search for the ultimate chimp-themed Presidential slur.
CoCo Hal Bushchimp
Damn all the best are gonePosted by thefrollickingmole on 2005 11 20 at 08:40 PM • permalinkChimpburton McSheehating Busholinistein
Posted by Tommy Shanks on 2005 11 20 at 08:59 PM • permalinkGeorge W. Bush, The President of the United States of America elected by the American people in 2000 and 2004
(say that to anyone at Berkley and see what kind of reaction you get)
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 20 at 09:38 PM • permalinkOk, it’s not a slur and it’s not Chimp-related. Sorry, I didn’t abide by the rules (hey, I’m an evil neocon, I can’t be restrained by rules).
But it’s a slur in the minds of the lefties, I can assure you.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 20 at 09:40 PM • permalinkGeorge W Chimpy-I-only-got-elected-because-Florida-Democrats-R-2-dumb-to-read-a-ballot-and-Democrat-Senators-are-so much-dumber-they-voted-for-war-because-they-couldn’t-see-thru-lies-by-IQ-66-McHitlerburton, simultaneously President of the United States, too dumb to tie own shoelaces and so eeeeeevil that we can’t say hitler any more without laughing....
We’re ba-ack… sorry for that little upset. I’ve upgraded the blog software so everything is all compatible with the server and hunky dory and I need some drugs…
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 11 21 at 12:27 AM • permalinkOops, that should have been prefaced with my patented ADMIN OT tags, but who cares.
Chimpstler McBushitlerhalliburtonOILOILOIL!!!
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 11 21 at 12:28 AM • permalink”...I need some drugs.”
I’ve got some Claritin I can let you have, Andrea.
Oh, that’s not what you meant?
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2005 11 21 at 12:31 AM • permalinkAndrea — I get the feeling Our Dark Master Karl may not like this thread. I have no idea why wronwright told Tim it would be funny…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 21 at 12:37 AM • permalinkPEEresident Shrubya.
G.W.selected not elected Bush.
The Grinch that stole dat election.
Georgie Flappa Flappa Poopy head Bush Bastard.Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 11 21 at 12:42 AM • permalinkI remember someone (probably Tim) working Hurricane Katrina into one of these parodies quite well some time ago.
Hurricane W McChimpnaburton.com?
Or perhaps we could just go with the Overfiend?
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2005 11 21 at 12:54 AM • permalinkGeorge of the Jungle or George in the Mist?
Posted by Pat Patterson on 2005 11 21 at 01:31 AM • permalinkOff Topic completely but Iraq the Model says Zarqawi might be dead. Anyone know better or different?
Posted by the nailgun on 2005 11 21 at 01:45 AM • permalinkWhen Dubya’s with his fellow Texas oil bandits doing cocaine and chugging Bourbon, gloating over the ‘orrrl’ they stole for their SUVs and doing coke and chugging Bourbon hand over fist? This is when he just likes to be called ‘GEO’.
Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 11 21 at 01:51 AM • permalinkjust thought i’d accentuate the coke and bourbon thing..lol
Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 11 21 at 01:52 AM • permalinkChrister W. Turkeyserv
I like it, Lileks.
:^)
Sheesh Andrea, I thought T-SAW had hacked you…
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 11 21 at 02:03 AM • permalinkO/t Tony Blair comes (very late)to recognize the bleeding obvious...in his speech,in today’s Oz.
“One of the basic problems with the British Justice System id that it places too much EMPHASIS on the RIGHTS of the ACCUSED.
For 8 years I have battled the Criminal Justice System to get it to change.
Only Anti Social Behaviour Laws have made a difference.
We are trying to fight 21st Century crime as if we still lived in the 19th century,the time of Charles Dickens.
The whole of our system STARTS from the proposition that its DUTY is to protect the INNOCENT from being WRONGLY convicted.
(This is still important) But our PRIMARY DUTY SHOULD BE to allow LAW ABIDING CITIZENS to live in SAFETY.
NOT abandoning human rights but DECIDING WHOSE (human rights) COME FIRST!”
Blair talks of bringing back the neighbourhood beat system of policing.
The article also notes that the U.K. Police are Citizens in Uniform while Europe and many other places favour the military style police.It also notes that you can’t be a social worker and police officer at the same time and laments the disappearance of bus and train conductors,park keepers and other public defenders against anti social behaviour......Bonzo McHitlerburton the Zionist Lackey
Posted by Harry Buttle on 2005 11 21 at 03:24 AM • permalinkAndrea — I get the feeling Our Dark Master Karl may not like this thread. I have no idea why wronwright told Tim it would be funny…
It is funny. Well, I feel it is funny. What, has Karl said something about it???
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 21 at 03:35 AM • permalinkHey, is it fair that Lileks is in this competition? I mean, he’s a professional writer. Like of books. That people buy. Not ones that make up bargain buy bins. Like “Not Happy This Isn’t Selling John”.
For that matter McEnroe should be booted too.
What’s next, Iowahawk?
For that matter, maybe all the people with their own blogs shouldn’t be allowed to compete for that county fair ribbon Tim picked up somewhere. 1977 Cuyahoga County Fair Sheep Competition 5th Place? Cleveland had a county fair? And what does that have to do ...? Oh well, I want it. It’s just the type of thing that will get me some well deserved recognition from Karl.
Ahem, the one I’ve created and used to some mild applause at the White House is:
Chimpy Tsunamihurricanetornado
Let’s see Lileks top that. Bring it on my Minnesotan Neocon. My Twin City Bard of the Prairie.
(Treacher should be out too. And Andrea, she doesn’t qualify, right?).
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 21 at 03:59 AM • permalinkAnd columnists. Like that one Aussie who comes here. The one that writes cogently. He shouldn’t get to compete for
my preciousthe ribbon.Because it’s not fair!
And let’s not even think of letting in Mark Steyn or Andrew Bolt. That is certainly not fair.
And nobody from the White House either.
And did I say Iowahawk?
If we’re going to have a competition, we need rules. We do.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 21 at 04:08 AM • permalinkwronwright ... in case you didn’t notice, Our Dark Master destroyed Andrea’s entire database last night, just as a warning shot. Attention to detail is the first mark of a true cabalista. I can’t wait ‘til I get to pass on this memo...*
*Some people conduct their politics by Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals. I prefer The Screwtape Letters…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 21 at 10:24 AM • permalinko/t The university of technology,Sydney has claimed a legal victory over the ABC after it won the right to use thousands of complaints to the broadcaster for a research project.
Their Australian Centre for Independent Journalism made an F.O.I. application to the N.S.W. Admin Appeals Tribunal last year and was last week granted access to complaints about the A.B.C.’s coverage of the Middle East from September 2000 to Sept 2004. ABC argued it was exempt from FOI act and cost of releasing the docs was too high.ACU adjunct professor and ex ABC news and current affairs director Peter Manning (is planning) a research project.
Centre Director,Chris Nash said there had been rumours over the years of a sustained campaign of complaints by individuals and organisations particularly against Middle East coverage.
AS WELL AS EXAMINING THE BALANCE OF THE ABC REPORTAGE,THE ACIJ WANTED TO FIND OUT WHETHER THE ABC’S COMPLAINTS PROCESS, SET UP “TO KEEP THE ABC OPEN AND TRANSPARENT AND FAIR”,WAS BEING ABUSED IN SOME WAYS.
On the question of expense, the ABC had anticipated it would take 15 mins per file and need an extra employee at a cost of $17,917 -38...which it described as a substantial cost.
Senior tribunal member Mason Allen said the ABC website showed the broadcaster had revenue of $880M in the 12 months to June o4.Against this sum, $17,ETC is hardly substantial he said.Mr Allen further criticized the ABC, saying the FOI act had been operating since 1982 anD “By now all commonwealth agencies should be capable of making provision for compliance.
The ABC head of audience and consumer affairs said their strongest objection was “BREACHING A DUTY OF CONFIDENTIALITY IT OWED TO COMPLAINANTS”.54 snivelling
And did I say Iowahawk?
It couldn’t have been you. Whoever it was didn’t do the {wiggles fingers} thing.
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2005 11 21 at 11:24 AM • permalinkWhile I think
Chimpy McBushHitlerBurton
rolls off the tongue like molasses in summer, “Bushista Cabal of McHitlerstan” is a work of art.
Thank you #8, you have my vote.
Posted by tim maguire on 2005 11 21 at 01:20 PM • permalinkGuess where this came from.
“We, Dubya, Emperor of Insania, Chief of the Chiefs of Imperial Death Beasts, Lord of Rove and Tyrant of Iraq, Bachelor of the Arts of Yale University, being in this the fifty-ninth year of our life, summoned by the wisdom of Almighty God and the unanimous voice of our people to the throne of our fathers, do hereby proclaim...” Chimpmeister paused in his dictation and gazed out across the Potomac where in the fresh breeze of early morning the last ship was setting sail for the open sea. “Rats,” he said; “stinking curs. They are all running away.”
#76 Stoop Davey Dave,
Oh, did you finally wake up from your Victoria Beer induced drunken state at Tim Blair’s house? I hope you saw my note written on your forehead in indelible ink to CLEAN UP THIS MESS YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A NEOCON! Just so you know I wasn’t picking on you, I left a similar note on the foreheads of Richard McEnroe, PW, Kae, arbed nilknarf, ekw, Nora, and a guy who bore a startling resemblence to William Powell.
If you don’t mind, I would greatly appreciate if you wouldn’t bring up the wriggling fingers thing. It brings back very bad memories of my presentation at the World Neocon Continuing Education Conference a few weeks back. Specifically, I was conducting a very enlightening lecture on current trends in lake moving techniques. I was just going over the Japanese weather machine (plusses: locality focused, minuses: can’t read Japanese) versus the space lasers (plusses: extremely powerful, minuses: the user manual is in Ferengi or something).
Unfortunately, all through the session Iowahawk was heckling me. It was very unprofessional I thought. I’m talking about Iowahawk. (curls fingers in a wiggling manner) I’m sure most attendees were becoming very annoyed by his attention stealing act. Finally I turned to Karl and said in my firmest voice “are you going to do something about this?”. And Karl says “sure, why don’t you take over the remainder of wronwright’s hour and regale us with Chiraq’s strong measures to deal with the French torchers”.
At that point, I just slinked away.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 21 at 02:38 PM • permalink#53 Mark
Very good. Your entry captures the true essence of Daily Kossack-style Bush Derangement Syndrome, and does so succinctly.Don’t feel too bad wronwright. They completely canceled my talk on the chemistry of new paints for black helicopters. I can’t imagine why. And after I went through all those security checks, too.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2005 11 21 at 03:42 PM • permalinkMan:Well, what’ve you got?
Waitress:Well, there’s oil and Hitler; oil Haliburton and Hitler; oil and chimp; oil Hitler and chimp; oil Hitler Haliburton and chimp; chimp, Hitler Haliburton and chimp; chimp, oil, chimp, chimp, Hitler and chimp; chimp, Haliburton, chimp, chimp, Hitler, chimp, deserter and chimp;
Vikings:chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp,...
Waitress:...chimp, chimp, chimp, oil, and chimp; chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, Shrub, draft dodger, chimp, chimp, chimp,...
Vikings:chimp! Lovely chimp! Lovelyl chimp!
Waitress:...or Stole the 2000 election served with manipulated the intel and Karl Rove garnished with Dick Cheney, coke fiend, and with a moron on top and chimp,.
Wife:Have you got anything without chimp,?
Waitress:Well, there’s chimp, oil, Haliburton and chimp, that’s not got much chimp, in it.
Wife:I don’t want ANY chimp!
Man:Why can’t she have oil, Hitler, chimp, and Haliburton?
Wife:THAT’S got chimp, in it!
Man:Hasn’t got as much chimp, in it as chimp, oil, Haliburton and chimp, has it?
Vikings:chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp,... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife:Could you do the oil, Hitler, chimp, and Haliburton without the chimp, then?
Waitress:Urgghh!
Wife:What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like chimp!
Vikings:Lovely chimp! Wonderful chimp!
Waitress:Shut up!
Vikings:Lovely chimp! Wonderful chimp!
Waitress:Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have oil, Hitler, chimp, and Haliburton without the chimp,.
Wife:I don’t like chimp!
Man:Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your chimp,. I love it. I’m having chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, too-dumb-to-be-president, chimp, chimp, chimp, and chimp!
Vikings:chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp,. Lovely chimp! Wonderful chimp!
Waitress:Shut up!! Draft dodger is off.
Man:Well could I have her chimp, instead of the draft dodger then?
Waitress:You mean chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp,... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings:(Singing elaborately...) chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp,. Lovely chimp! Wonderful chimp! chimp, chi-i-i-i-i-mp, chimp, chi-i-i-i-i-mp, chimp, Lovely chimp! Lovely chimp! Lovely chimp! Lovely chimp! Lovely chimp! chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp!I don’t think I will KK.
(I’ve been telling myself it probably tastes like kangaroo pee; of course even then it might be a whole heap better than this Budweiser I’m drinking right now)
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 21 at 06:45 PM • permalinkI’ll stick with my original Chimpy McHitler.
Shorty and pithy. :-D
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2005 11 21 at 07:44 PM • permalinkHallius Chimpus Bushiensis Grupenfuhricanus, Imperator of Zionidas
Posted by epaminondas on 2005 11 21 at 08:15 PM • permalinkRinardman—Dammit, Q was specifically ordered NOT to let wronwright sign out the gravity generator again…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 21 at 09:13 PM • permalinkNow you’ve got me goggling for ‘famous chimps’. Check out ‘famous monkeys through history’ .
I mean really, who’d call a chimp ‘Gordo’?Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 11 21 at 09:57 PM • permalink#99, history Hillary-style. Remember her comment about electing one and getting the other one free? But you can bet that if she wins the White House in 2008 Bill won’t be co-president in a Rodham Administration.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2005 11 21 at 10:41 PM • permalinkI’m on a mission to save my arse.
Did anyone actually hear Karl Rove say he was displeased about this thread?
Did he mention my name?
(Oh, please don’t tell me I have to use that infernal time travel machine again. I’m all thumbs when it comes to technical gismos. Everytime I use it, certain, er, “unintended results” occur).
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 21 at 10:50 PM • permalink#87 O/t Did we do this one?
“Second Wives’Club linked to French riots.”
French employment minister Gerard Larcher has claimed that polygamy could have played a role in nearly three weeks of rioting in French cities and towns.
Ethnic minorities faced discrimination partly because of multiple marriages.
Polygamy is officially banned in France and punishable by jail but authorities tolerate the existence of about 30,000 mainly African families where there is more than one wife.Visas were granted to allow thousands of women from Mali,Mauritania,Senegal and Gambia to move into the residences in France of married couples until the early 1990’s.A former,hardline interior minister moved to stem the flow then but the government was forced to relax in the face of protests.
Now,"second wives” who have French born children or who have lived in France for more than 15 years cannot be expelled and are granted residency.
For polygamous families who came to France before 1993,residency is granted only if the two wives do not live at the same address.Monsieur Larcher said big polygamous families sometimes led to antisocial behaviour by youths who did not have a father figure in the home.
This made employers more cautious about hiring staff from ethnic minorities.” source recent Oz....Rinardman — You wish. As I recall, Rove ordered him back to November 2000 with VERY CLEAR, WRONWRIGHT instructions that the nutjob from Tennessee was out of the picture, right? Instead, SOMEONE linked the wrong DUI ticket to Murdoch, and…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 22 at 01:56 AM • permalinko/t Last night’s abc news showed Rohan Gunuratna advising the Australian gov to expend more funds on building bridges and interfaith dialogues..
Did I MISS the bit before that which was quoted in the Australian today.
“It is very clear that for many years the Australian POLITICAL LEADERS wanted to be POLITICALLY CORRECT and so did not wish to DISRUPT PREACHERS OF FAITH OR THE RADICALISATIION that was taking place in AUSTRALIA’S MOSQUES AND AUSTRALIAN MUSLIM ASSOCIATIONS....way O/T - check out “The Australian” newspaper.
All the breaking news headlines are in ‘scare quotes’.
Looks like either someone’s on the piss or the work experience boy has the keys to the website.Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 11 22 at 04:57 AM • permalinkGeezus Bloody Krist. I can’t hear myself think in this place. Shut up for two frigging seconds you young smartarses.
I ask again. Where’s the bloody XXXX Bitter!
It’s been missing since I can’t remember and the dead dog in the street couldn’t have been responsible for all of it and I only wanted one can and whatshisface isn’t back yet and we do have to eat or die and the barbeque smells like a latrine at a Greenies’ convention and…Do you have to be past 50 to show some responsibilty around here?
I ask again. Where’s the bloody XXXX Bitter!
My god geoff, would it help if I got two puppets and play acted the answer for you? The short of it is Stoop Davy Dave and his cohorts drank all of Tim Blair’s beer, ale, lager, and especially the bitter. And knowing them, they probably drank his extremely rare cask of Sumerian mead, the one that Rove commanded me to bring back via the time machine (which unfortunately resulted in Australia somehow becoming an unattached continent, something I still can’t figure out).
To paraphrase that great philosopher, Scotty, “What is it you ask? Um, well, it’s green”.
Anyway, SDD drank your bitter. As he stated to me in that singularly flippant manner of his, “Yep, there’s no bitter bubby, it’s a bitter cup to drink, no?” Bastard.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 22 at 10:02 AM • permalink87 Mr Defensive
Just so you know I wasn’t picking on you, I left a similar note on the foreheads ... arbed nilknarf, ...
And that’s another thing! You got Ms Arbed’s name backwards! It’s “Nilknarf Arbed,” you infantile oaf.
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2005 11 22 at 10:10 AM • permalink138 Mr Wrighteous
The short of it is Stoop Davy Dave and his cohorts drank all of Tim Blair’s beer, ale, lager, and especially the bitter.
It was McEnroe’s idea. Plus HE was the one with the key to the liquor cabinet. I was just playing along. Like yourself, I secretly fear him.
And knowing them, they probably drank his extremely rare cask of Sumerian mead,
Wait, his what? Hey! Guys! If there’s any of this furniture we haven’t moved around yet, let’s start looking under it. Ol’ Wronwright here, he says Mr. Tim’s got something gooooooood hid out.
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2005 11 22 at 10:30 AM • permalinkGeez, dbo #135, that was original.
Never heard that on before, hahahahaha.
*rolls eyes*Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2005 11 22 at 10:48 AM • permalinkListen you two guys. Carefully. It was me who brought the slab of XXXX Bitter on ice in the esky in the back of the ute. Now I can’t even find the fucking ute!
I’ve asked you both nicely. I’ll ask you both again. Please get this clear. The dog wasn’t mine so I don’t give a stuff. But where is the ute? And where is the XXXX Bitter?
It was me who brought the slab of XXXX Bitter on ice in the esky in the back of the ute.
You brought the bitter in the what? In the back of the what? My god, I can’t understand a freaking word you Aussies say, especially when you’re frothing at the mouth.
Again, I did not drink ONE BEER. I did not drink ONE BITTER. It was all gone when I walked in. I felt like one of the three bears witnessing about a dozen or so Goldilocks wallowing around in their beer soaked squalor, singing joyous songs of neocon conquest.
It was a sad spectacle, make no mistake.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 22 at 11:10 AM • permalinkRemember her comment about electing one and getting the other one free? But you can bet that if she wins the White House in 2008 Bill won’t be co-president in a Rodham Administration.
Michael Lonie — That’s probably our best campaign slogan for ‘08… “If She’s Back- HE’s Back!”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 22 at 11:20 AM • permalinkIt was McEnroe’s idea. Plus HE was the one with the key to the liquor cabinet. I was just playing along. Like yourself, I secretly fear him.
It’s no secret SDD. I’m absolutely terrified of the bastard. I wanted RebeccaH as my mentor. I figured she would be nice in a motherly way. Show me the ropes, guide me gently through the bramble bushes on the road to the heights of neocon leadership. Did Rove assign me her? No.
McEnroe, Mr. “Christmas in Cambodia Tale” himself. The magic hat? There was no magic hat. He made it up. The TANG fax? Mary Mapes? All his doing.
Cunning, yes. Clever, beyond belief. Compassionate and helpful? Sure, if washing and waxing helicopters in the Gaza Strip while rocks are being thrown over your head is your kind of helpful.
Tell me the SOB and Andrea are Karl Rove’s twin bastard children, and you know what? I’d believe it. There’s degeneracy in that blood line, make no mistake.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 22 at 11:26 AM • permalinkRebeccaH I believe you. But only you. I like your name and I have a feel for these things. So to speak.
As for the other guys? Sure there was a ute on the barbie but that’s pretty normal. I checked the engine number and it was definitely a Holden. Mine was a Ford.
Stealing one or two XXXX Bitter is well within the boundaries of acceptable social etiquette. So long as you leave one can to wash down the barbie. And the dog? It wasn’t mine so who gives a rats?
Bloody hell it’s nearly 4am. I’ll follow this matter up later.
Stealing one or two XXXX Bitter is well within the boundaries of acceptable social etiquette. So long as you leave one can to wash down the barbie. And the dog? It wasn’t mine so who gives a rats?
Bitter schmitter! If Wronwright’s wrumor is to be believed, Tim’s got a big ol’ cask of Sumerian Mead around here somewhere. Help me move this piano, willya?
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2005 11 22 at 01:01 PM • permalinkOk, what does Dictionary.com say?:
Ute ( P ) Pronunciation Key (yt)
n. pl. Ute or Utes1. A Native American people formerly inhabiting a large area of Colorado, Utah, and northern New Mexico, with present-day populations in northeast Utah and along the Colorado-New Mexico border.
2. A member of this people.
You barbecued what at Tim’s place???
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 22 at 01:45 PM • permalinkHey, we’ve got a dirtboxoption sighting!
Hey, dirt, you ran away from your last drubbing, so here it is again - wanna comment? I’ll keep reposting it every time you pop into a thread:
------------------------------------------
I know, I know, Fisk should be reading blogs and sending off emails cos he’s a journo. It’s part of the job description. How silly of me.
Yes, very silly of you. Journalists and pundits like Fisk deal in information. For him to willfully avoid the greatest instant-access repository of information is risible. You did see that he said, “I don’t use the Internet”, right, dirt? And not just, “I don’t read blogs and use e-mail”, right, dirt?
Anyway, this is a chance to make a personal attack, so let’s go for it.
Dirtroad, I’m going to explain this to you very slowly, because I know you lefties have a hard time grasping it:
If...you...are...criticized...for...saying…
something...stupid...or...false...,
it...is...not...a...personal...attack.Grow...up.
Next time he reports something we don’t feel comfortable with (or which doesn’t fit our “fantasy”, PW) we can smeer him as a non-emailer. What a crime. Outrageous.
No, next time he reports utter falsehoods or makes more absurd predictions with an accuracy record of about .005%, we can justifiably criticize him as a asshat.
BTW, the “fantasy” stuff PW is talking about and which you ridicule by putting in quotes might refer to things like saying the defenses of Baghdad are an impenetrable deathtrap for American forces who will be mercilessly cut to pieces. What part of that wasn’t a fantasy, dirt? Fisk’s work is full of this kind of nonsense. Why do you put on the air of a sneering sophisticate when you are so credulous of a fraud like Fisk?
I shrilly disavow any grilling of any vehicles,
Injunsmembers of the Ute-American Community, dogs, squirrels, or deliverypersons! Not me, nosirreee! Fortunately for all concerned, cooler and leveller heads conspired to keep me WELL away from the cooking area. From this I infer that my cookerly reputation {*} had preceeded me to distant Australia. This fate is cruel, but fair, and I endure it bravely, ESPECIALLY when it eliminates me from list of suspects like this one. It was definitely not me who grilled those items, no indeedy. Anybody who was there, and remained conscious long enough, will vouch for the fact that I was never more than four feet away from the bar.{* To this day, in northwestern Pennsylvania, several small children are sent scampering to their beddie-byes with the merest HINT of a threat that “Maybe Uncle Dave will come over tomorrow and cook dinner."}
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2005 11 22 at 04:03 PM • permalinkI always like one of Allah’s early efforts - short and sweet. “Darth Chimpy”. You can just imagine it casually being used all across Madison, WI or Berkley, CA…
Posted by Major John on 2005 11 22 at 06:12 PM • permalinkSorry I can’t vouch for you Snoop because there is just too much of that night I can’t remember.
Sumerian mead? So that was what was in that barrel I found. You can stop looking for it.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2005 11 22 at 08:49 PM • permalinkWronwright: An esky is something no self-respecting aussie bloke would leave home without.
Us sheilas usually have one also - although I’ve only got a little one. We reckon the blokes can carry all the good stuff.
And they make great seats, too.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 11 22 at 08:58 PM • permalinkNote to self. Send e-mail to Palestinian kids. Never said anything about throwing rocks OVER heads…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 22 at 09:16 PM • permalinkSumerian mead...hmmm. Sumerian mead… Sumerian mead… oh, hold on! Hold on just one moment, Boyo. Sumerian mead comes from ancient Sumer which is nothing other than present-day IRAQ!!!!
It’s Iraqi mead! Made with Iraqi honey which is made by Iraqi honey bees. This is black market mead! Someone has been pedaling Iraqi mead under its ancient name so Westerners wouldn’t think it was dangerous or illegal.
But clearly, illegal it is, Bucko. Stand up, then, eh. Do you have any Sumerian mead on ya? Huh? Best be coughing that stuff up here. Just hand that barrel of it over to me right now and I’ll look the other way, clean slate and all, eh? Of course I’m a real customs agent, whaddya think I am, an American layabout with no job, no wife, no kids, no dog, no home, no life? Huh? Is that what you think I am? Well, m’lad, you’ve go another think coming.
Already received that other think? That was quick. You still think I’m an American layabout, blah blah blah, but now I’m also an alcoholic and a degenerate thief? Alright, me bucko, well just have to take you down to the… erm, whaddya-call-it...station. Yeah. That’s it. The station, for God’s sake. Of course it’ll be a lot easier all ‘round if ya simply hand over the mead, so...I don’t want to take you down there. Here’s another chance...hand it over...OK, one more chance…
Oh, a cooooooler. Here again, we’re the same. Americans like to haul cold beer or pops in coolers in the trunk of the cars—just in case. I recall a couple years back driving the family up to Cleveland to watch the Reds play the Cleveland Indians. A lot of fun that was, with Cleveland and Cincinnati fans playfully teasing each other over who had the best team. (For the record, Cleveland did and still does).
As I was removing the luggage from my van (my wife and mother-in-law no where to be found of course) I spied a guy a couple cars down who was rolling his cooler. He had a long handle that made it easier for him.
I want one of those. Santa damn well better bring me one of those instead of another pair of gloves. Stocking it with Victoria Bitter would be a nice holiday gesture too.
(Is XXXX bitter better than Victoria? Can I even get either in an American supermarket?)
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 22 at 09:25 PM • permalink#121 WRONWRIGHT I told you the BLUE telephone box with Police on the side...the Tardis with the strobe lights......
The blue telephone box? The Tardis? With strobe lights? Are you speaking English?
I don’t care what Karl Rove says. I’m not going in that time travel box again. The travel facilitator with the long scarf is an absolute nutter. I don’t trust him. His female assistant with the nice rack is rather nice though.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 22 at 09:39 PM • permalinkwronwright—You shoulda tried working with the one before him. Crabby little old bastid in a Beatles haircut…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 22 at 09:44 PM • permalinko/t i just saw these few lines on a story about the UK’s involvement in the Iraq War…
THE war in Iraq could last for decades with British troops unlikely to withdraw without a “highly unlikely” split with Washington, a report says today.
The Oxford Research Group non-governmental organisation, which assesses constructive approaches to dealing with international terrorism and the “war on terror”, says the war in Iraq is only in its early stages.
What the hell is a “constructive approach” to dealing with terrorism??? sounds like the usual load of touchy, feely leftist crap where we try to appease the swines.....
#87
err, I wondered what that purple crap was on my forhead - I didn’t notice it until days later… I decided that discretion was the better part of valour and nicked off when Andrea showed up.
and if we didn’t have a Holden ute to bring the grog, etc, we’d put it in the boot (trunk) of our car.
And a slab is an Australian unit of beer measure. A slab is a carton (used to be two dozen, but these days you can get cartons of 30 cans). I have also heard them called ‘cardboard kelvinators’, but I don’t know where that came from.
PS: Did anyone check the chateau-collapsibles for the hidden Sumerian Mead?
Murph, the difference must be the water. To try a beer from a certain country you must go there.
And you spelt XXXX wrong up there. Never mind, in Queensland we can’t spell Beer, therefore it’s XXXX - and we have the Ekka (can’t spell “exhibition”, either), too.
In Aus it’s essential to have two refrigerators, one for the food and one for the beer - as the beer needs to be ice-cold; it’s to avoid arguments with the food preparer of the house about frozen lettuce and so on.
wronwright — Do you even have your Evil Paperwork in order...?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 23 at 12:03 AM • permalink#164, ekw
Great! You should have told me before you ordered. What were the other two? (Doesn’t matter. You can’t go wrong with any of his stuff.)
His first novel, Decline and Fall is brilliant. (The only laugh-out-loud book I know apart from Lucky Jim and Huckleberry Finn.) I also went for Scoop. Most well-known book is Brideshead Revisited which I reckon is a bit flabby. Good one for conservatives (not) coping with the modern age is A Handful of Dust.
The trilogy based on his war experience The Sword of Honour (’Men at Arms’, ‘Officers and Gentlemen’, and ‘Unconditional Surrender’) is one of the very best things - along with the fall of fascism, maybe - to come out of WW2. (Waugh believed that the alliance with Stalin was a betrayal of the cause.)
He was a Catholic convert and an irascible conservative. While a nasty bugger personally - brutal old snob - there aren’t too many writers who have done the dilemmas of living in today’s world better or funnier. Bane to the moonbats of his time.
His writing is English prose at its most crisp and stylish and he has a genius for dialogue and black humour.
I started with The Loved One at school and liked it. My English teacher, a Christian brother of the non-molesting variety, gave me Decline and Fall. Always grateful to him for that.
This site is excellent:
http://www.doubtinghall.com/Evelyn Waugh is a guy by the way and no relation to Steve Waugh.
ekw
I’d suggest ‘Decline and Fall’ but those two are fine.‘Put Out More Flags’ has a go at the lefty poets (Auden and Spender) who fled England for the US at the beginning of the war. They and their artie/commie sympathisers get a merciless going-over. Features scapegrace Basil Seal and a child billeting racket which is a killer. (Watch out for the Connellys!)
‘Vile Bodies’ is the ‘Less than Zero’ of its day which should not be taken as a recommendation of Bret Easton Ellis. Novel features an effort to make green bowler hats fashionable.
Must shut up. Spoiling them for you.
I had XXXX off the wood in Brisbane it was an excellent drop. Australians don’t normally take kindly to beers for other states (though having said that, Coopers and some Tassie beers have national status). VB is the beer that’s left in the bath with the tepid water at the end of the party. It means somebody had some left over from their party and brought it along to yours. They parked it in the ice in the bath and then proceeded to steal decent beer from unsuspecting guests. It’s not uncommon for cans of VB to move from bathtub to bathtub thoughout a summer in a kind of herd migration. Some scientist should put a tracking device on one. Better still we should all have a moratorium and hand in all our VB at some depot. It is actually upsetting when towards the end of the evening you are plunging your hand into ice looking for a beer and keep coming out with a VB
Terrible terrible stuff.
Posted by James Hamilton on 2005 11 23 at 01:16 AM • permalink182. James, a beer connoseur, for sure! And what you say is true, someone bought their leftovers so they could be seen to bring something, and the filched VB is all that’s left in the melted ice and unstuck labels at the end of the party.
Wronwright: Tardis, timetravelling vehicle of the time-lord, Dr Who.
We have many, many ugly Chimp-like caricatures of Howard and Bush, all rather hatefully drawn too, given the fine personal qualities of both men.
It makes me ask -did we ever see these same cartoonists represent Dorian Gray Clinton or his fawning wife in anything BUT sympathetic caricatures? Not in Australia anyway.
Examples anyone, for comparison?
My angle is that the REAL Clinton was SO embarassingly awful that the leftish cartoonists had to be in self-denial all the time just to draw him at all.
So the worst they allowed themselves to draw was a bland, blimpish kind of figure,
The Harmless Predator.Not so with the Terrible Right!
A couple years back I went to a sports bar with a neighbor and he ordered some draft beer for both of us. They came in 22 ounce frosted glasses. Best damn beer I ever drank. I had three of them. Tasted sweet almost.
I asked the lady what was I drinking. She replied Guiness. Good stuff that.
The beer was on sale. So were half pound burgers (with mushrooms and BBQ sauce). Yum. Onion slivers. And baseball games were playing on about 20 TV screens carefully positioned around the joint.
I thought to myself this is probably what heaven looks like. I bet the 50 guys or so that were there chugging beers thought the same. Not many ladies for some reason though. If I was a gal on the search for a guy, that probably be a good place to go. Nice place. Just very nice.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 23 at 02:55 AM • permalinkWronwright: Tardis, timetravelling vehicle of the time-lord, Dr Who.
Yeah, that’s it, the Box from Hell. And oh yes, the guy looks quite familiar. He seems to be on good terms with Karl. And I will say he’s friendly. But trouble seems to result when I get anywhere near that man and his infernal box. (Did you know the Austria-Hungarian Empire no longer exists? At least now it doesn’t? And all I did was go back for an apple strudal for Karl).
Posted by wronwright on 2005 11 23 at 03:03 AM • permalinkDudley Dowrong of the Washington Chimpies and his faithful steed Nellybell. Joining him are his favorite duo Boris and Natasha (characters loosly based on a previous regime of stalwarts...think medical). He’s soon to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize..... Uh wait a minute, it appears that was taken quite a while ago by Crusader Rabbit. Oh well.
I’m not a beer drinker, but even I know that you don’t touch VB!
/gag
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 11 23 at 03:55 AM • permalinkwronwright
Sober 20 years and you have to bring up Guinness. Do you realize what you’ve done?
Let me explain:
Let’s say we married a girl we liked a lot. Maryann, let’s call her. She’s really good for us. She keeps us out of trouble, and she’s faithful. As long as we’re with her we are going to be OK. Safe. Happy. Strong.
Then, a friend of ours says, Oh, by the way, I just ran into Lol
I came up with Chimpy McHitlerburton, but you’ve kinda got that bracketed.
Hmm… how about The Original Karl’s Kid?