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Indy racer Robby Gordon is scared of little girls:

Robby Gordon accused Danica Patrick of having an unfair advantage in the Indianapolis 500 and said Saturday he will not compete in the race again unless the field is equalized.

Gordon, a former open-wheel driver now in NASCAR, contends that Patrick is at an advantage over the rest of the competitors because she only weighs 100 pounds. Because all the cars weigh the same, Patrick’s is lighter on the race track.

“The lighter the car, the faster it goes,” Gordon said. “Do the math. Put her in the car at her weight, then put me or Tony Stewart in the car at 200 pounds and our car is at least 100 pounds heavier.

“I won’t race against her until the IRL does something to take that advantage away ...

“Right off the bat, a guy my size is spotting her 105 pounds,” Gordon said. “That’s the reason she’s so much faster.”

Odd that disparate driver weights weren’t a major issue until Patrick came along. A number of male drivers weigh less than Gordon; some are tiny, yet Gordon raced against them without complaint. In fact, he didn’t whine when he raced against little Sarah Fisher at Indy five years ago. Perhaps that was due to her qualifying 15 places behind Gordon, despite weighing only 120 pounds ...

Posted by Tim B. on 05/29/2005 at 07:42 AM

  1. Maybe gordon could take a carving-knife to his FAT ARSE!!  Should be able to get rid of 50 pounds.  The other 50 could come off his mouth.

    Posted by TonyD on 2005 05 29 at 09:16 AM • permalink

  2. Awwwww, Robby’s widdle feewings are hurt.

    Better call a waaaahhhhhmbulance for him.  :-(

    “Robby Gordon accused Danica Patrick of having an unfair advantage”

    Translation:  “I’m afraid I might get beat by a girl.”

    Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

    Loser.

    Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2005 05 29 at 10:05 AM • permalink

  3. Sports like everything else in life must be regulated so there are no winners, no losers, no whiners, and no arrogant revelers. 

    No need to thank me.  Just knowing that I’m doing the Lord’s work is enough.

    Posted by blerp on 2005 05 29 at 10:40 AM • permalink

  4. What a dickless moron.

    Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 05 29 at 11:21 AM • permalink

  5. Reminds me of when the great Man o’ War was saddled with excess weight in order to give the other racehorses a chance, and he still beat the pants off everybody.  Go, Danica.  Show ‘em a class act, because they obviously haven’t got one otherwise.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 05 29 at 11:23 AM • permalink

  6. Go, Danica!

    Posted by Donnah on 2005 05 29 at 12:12 PM • permalink

  7. Right.  Like Jackie Stewart weighed 250.  Donnez-moi un break, svp…

    Is anybody inviting Gordon back to Indy?  Or is this like Howard Dean “deciding” to not pursue the nomination any further?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 29 at 12:23 PM • permalink

  8. Maybe girlie-man Gordon is trying to even the odds by expeling enough hot air to get closer to Danica’s weight.

    Actually, he’s not driving at Indy this yer, for which NASCAR has my sympathy.

    Posted by Retread on 2005 05 29 at 01:01 PM • permalink

  9. Can we get Robby Gordon a drug test?

    I don’t think he’s on anything, I just want to see if the big sissy can pee standing up.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 29 at 02:24 PM • permalink

  10. Danica was leading through the yellow flag at the 185th… let’s see what happens…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 29 at 04:05 PM • permalink

  11. Danica finished fourth.  She would have been second, but she lost fuel pressure in the final lap.  Next year.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 05 29 at 04:18 PM • permalink

  12. Robby should race Danica.  That way we know there’ll be at least one pussy on the track….

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 29 at 04:21 PM • permalink

  13. What a pussy Gordon is. Danica is the real deal. If not for two rookie mistakes, she would have won handily today. If rider weight was the overriding factor, all racers would be jockey-sized. What a jack-off.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 05 29 at 04:26 PM • permalink

  14. Just to elaborate:

    1) Jockeys are small. Tiny fellas. Why? Because it’s a huge competitive advantage.

    2) This is the 89th Indy 500. If being jockey-sized were an advantage, all of the drivers would be by now.

    3) Robby Gordon is a pussy.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 05 29 at 04:29 PM • permalink

  15. Great race. Danica’s the real deal.

    Posted by Donnah on 2005 05 29 at 04:57 PM • permalink

  16. It must be difficult driving at speed while sucking your thumb.

    Posted by Henry boy on 2005 05 29 at 07:49 PM • permalink

  17. #1,no need for drastic surgery,Mr.Gordon is obviously full of shit,all he needs is a good purgative.That should drop his weight down to about 80lbs.

    Posted by Lew on 2005 05 29 at 09:59 PM • permalink

  18. OK, is anyone else having a fantasy involving Danica Patrick, Mia Hamm and a copy of Sports Illustrated?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 29 at 10:48 PM • permalink

  19. Hmmmm! Wait a minute.

    Am I wrong? I thought all race cars had to meet a minimum weight standard, including the weight of the driver.

    If they don’t, that would seem to be an easy way to equalize the different weights of the drivers!

    Posted by rinardman on 2005 05 29 at 11:10 PM • permalink

  20. “OK, is anyone else having a fantasy involving Danica Patrick, Mia Hamm and a copy of Sports Illustrated?”

    Uh, Rich, you need the copy of Sports Illustrated for the fantasy, not in the fantasy.

    Also, you forgot Maria Sharapova. Swap her for (ugh) Hamm - sorry, but I don’t like chicks who are more dude than I am.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 05 29 at 11:51 PM • permalink

  21. Dave S — I guess that means I get Carrie Ann Moss, too, cool. And by that standard, maybe Kerri Strug.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 30 at 12:03 AM • permalink

  22. Bah.  Whinger.  I’m 120kg, I codrive for a 110kg guy in a >1400kg GT4 and we’re hosing 60kg jockeys in 15 years-younger EvoVI.  Don’t talk to me about crew weight.  Fat bastards can be fast.

    Posted by tortfeaser on 2005 05 30 at 02:10 AM • permalink

  23. what a dildo head…....been breathing too many petrol fumes.

    Posted by vinny on 2005 05 30 at 05:27 AM • permalink

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