<< BAD REVIEW REVIEWED BADLY ~ MAIN ~ CITY BLAMED >>
BRIGHT PEOPLE
Attention, Australians who consider themselves to be the brightest in the country! Your Kevnipalooza nomination forms are now available:
If you are unable to access the nomination form, need alternative formats or assistance ...
... you should be immediately disqualified. What kind of window-lickers are they expecting to show up for this thing?
UPDATE. It’s a new era of openness!
UPDATE II. “If I am not ranked in the top 1000 Great Thinkers,” warns Peter M., “then I’ll buy a rifle and start taking people ranked above me down.” Kevni’s big idea has clearly energised a jaded public.
Number nine of the “10 critical areas of discussion":
... a more open government (including the role of the media), the structure of the Federation and the rights and responsibilities of citizens.
This just in: Rudd gags legal advice on apology.
KEVIN Rudd has refused to release legal advice backing his insistence that tomorrow’s parliamentary apology to the Stolen Generations will not expose the Government to an avalanche of compensation claims ... And he faced accusations of arrogance for not producing the text in time for the Opposition to properly consider its position, with anger increasing last night after confirmation the controversial motion would not be tabled until at least 5pm today, just hours before it is due to be debated in the parliament.
This government is becoming hilarious. It’s a case of get out the popcorn, sit back and have a chuckle.
#6 Labor likes it little jokes, Evatt, Caldwell’s faceless men, Whitlam, Cairns…
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 11 at 11:17 PM • permalink#1 : ChrisPer
He meant window slobberers - but to be fair it is only a matter of moisture content we are talking about here. He is still on his “take it easy on the dickheads” medication probably.
(PSST. Geeze he has gone soft since his op.! )
P.S.
(and I have been thinking about this for a few days...)
Nominate Tim !!!
Not because you can achieve anything if accepted at this silly wank, but think of the food you will get to write about ! It will keep your columns full for a coupla years !!!#4 Reese: I’m thinking a window-licker is something akin to a mouth-breather. You know, the sort of fellow who, in a Wodehouse novel, can be counted on to sit in a chair, staring into the middle distance while sucking the knob on his cane.
If a camel is a horse designed by committee, just what kind of “steed” is Australia going to get out of this orgy of collective cogitation? I’ve had occasion to refer to Swift’s Academy of Lagado before, but never has the analogy seemed so appropriate. Who will be the first Australian to extract sunbeams from cucumbers, or to transform human excrement back into the food from which it came? Where are the antipodal architects who will demonstrate the art of constructing buildings from the roof down? We eagerly await the practical results of these Projectors’ theories, and do breathlessly observe Kevin, his wonders to perform.
CL
I agree. I came to that realisation a few weeks ago. Life is much simpler now and my visage is a grin, rather than a growl.
God gave Joan Kirner to Victoria so the rest of us could have a laugh for a while.
Joh to Qld, ditto, don’t you worry about that.
Carmen Lawrence to WA, ditto, I think, but I can’t recall.
Now Kevin 07 and crew so we can all have a giggle. Anyone who can’t see the comedy ozzing out of this show already is bitter and twisted.
Worked a treat last night, while watching Red Kezza go the growl on Jewles. Instead of getting cranky, just giggle. Works a treat.
Lap it up while you can, it ain’t gunna last forever.
OT, but hilarious. Read this article for a laugh:
THE consumer watchdog has released a guidance paper for businesses promoting the environmental benefits of their products after it discovered some claims might be misleading.
--------
I can just imagine angry customers returning their TV to the shop:
“Whats wrong sir, is there a problem with the picture?”
“No, the picture is stunning”
“What about the sound”
“Thats also excellent. Its the freaking C02 !! Its emitting it like crazy, I can’t afford the carbon credits !! This TV is going to drown the Carteret Islanders in the Pacific !! And the polar bears too !!”With that spelling, I’m a shoe in.
My dietary requirements: All meals to be served in a pint glass.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 02 11 at 11:47 PM • permalinkKevinfest application form questionnaire:
1. How do you see this conference? a) a chance to discuss the nation’s future direction; b) a chance to get on TV; c) a chance to talk about Kevin Rudd.
2. How big is the picture of Kevin Rudd on your lounge room wall? a) 10x8; b)20x16; c) lifesize.
3. Rank three greatest Australian prime ministers in descending order, starting with Kevin Rudd.
Kevin’s vision moved me to write the following epic (i.e., longer than a limerick) poem. I aimed at Coleridge, but fear I might have hit William McGonagle by accident.
In Canberra did Kevin Rudd
A stately pleasure-dome decree,
Where they’d debate the general good
While Burley Griffin rose in flood,
To spite Professor Flannery.More rain than you’ve ever seen
Turned parks and gardens brightest green.
From wide and far, the best of course,
For Gaia’s welfare, as they should,
Hiked or biked, or rode their horse.
No carbon footprints, only mud.Sheik Hilaly, Pauline Hanson,
Sass and Bide and Dr Karl
Debate Islam with Peter Jensen.
Dick Smith (Australia’s Richard Branson)
And Jack Brabham fix the traffic snarl.Australia’s brightest business minds
Took two days off to save mankind.
Jamie Packer, Lachlan Murdoch,
Mates Rodney Adler, Jodee Rich…
But Alan Bond caused quite a shock,
When he arrived to make his pitch.A thousand brains glowed in the murk,
The nation’s finest, there’s no doubt,
All blessed by Kevin’s trademark smirk.
As Canberra’s storm clouds did their work,
At least, he said, I’ve fixed the drought.Mark and Marcia, Dicko, Kyle
Judged each case, with points for style.
As Rove McManus, charming host
Of Kevin’s giant thinking tank,
Regaled them with a final toast,
The viewers’ verdict: blinkin’ wank!Please write 100 words or less on why you want to participate as a delegate in the Australia 2020 Summit.
If I am not ranked in the top 1000 Great Thinkers, then I’ll buy a rifle and start taking people ranked above me down. My preferred method of debating is to yell at people as I find this works best. I’m keen to see Canberra as I’ve heard it has nice wide streets that run in circles, but I’m puzzled how you get anywhere. Apparently the food is pretty ace too. I can talk lots about the future, having watched the last 3 Democratic contenders debates. I heard the word “change” a lot, so I’ll say that too, but I’m a bit worried people will think I support climate change. Let me be clear, I do not support ANY climate change. It’s scary to think there are people out there who want the world to burn and buy these large 4WD’s and torment me in the fast lane when I’m doing 60 in the 110 zone. Seriously, we need to do something about these maniacs and I’d love a cup of tea with Kevin on the balcony. ps I don’t know any aboriginals but if it’s needed, I’ll
pop over to the pubhunt one downgo to the dole officeask around and get one to be my referee (just between you and me ok?).Anyway, what do you think of my chances?
OT (sort of):
What Rudd has wrought:
Thousands protest to ‘stop the intervention’.
Thousands of people have marched across the lawns of Parliament House to protest against the Federal Government’s intervention in Northern Territory Aboriginal communities.
Members of the crowd threw leaves onto the sacred fire, chanting “Stop the intervention - human rights for all”.
If the intervention is wound back, children will go on being raped, contracting venereal disease, being bashed. Many will die. Let it be recorded that this mad march towards further catastrophe - if successful - was initiated by one man: Kevin Rudd.
Can’t help thinking that this summit is exclusionary towards people who don’t give a shit.
On the other hand, maybe it’s a massive sting operation to out Australia’s 1000 biggest onanists.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 02 12 at 01:15 AM • permalinkThe categories for Kevin Rudd’s Thinkfest are:
1.Future directions for the Australian economy - including education, skills, training, science and innovation as part of the nation’s productivity agenda
2.Economic infrastructure, the digital economy and the future of our cities
3.Population, sustainability, climate change and water
4.Future directions for rural industries and rural communities
5.A long-term national health strategy - including the challenges of preventative health, workforce planning and the ageing population
6.Strengthening communities, supporting families and social inclusion
7.Options for the future of indigenous Australia
8.Towards a creative Australia: the future of the arts, film and design
9.The future of Australian governance: renewed democracy, a more open government (including the role of the media), the structure of the Federation and the rights and responsibilities of citizens
10.Australia’s future security and prosperity in a rapidly changing region and world.Enabling all of the above are the efforts of Australia’s business community, which operate at the pointy end of the wedge in an increasingly competitive world.
Aside from the fluffy reference to the economy in 1 & 2, where is the focused discussion point about ensuring Australian business remains successful, increases employment and provides an ongoing taxation bounty to pay for whatever economic lunacy is inflicted upon us by the parasitic window-lickers who will undoubtedly control the policy outcome of every category listed?
Posted by Jack Lacton on 2008 02 12 at 01:21 AM • permalink#37
The reason for the two-day conference is simple - it is the minimum time required for Rudd to be photographed with (almost) 1000 famous people. His minders are working on the basis of one famous person photographed per minute spread over two ACTU-mandated eight-hour days. That adds up to 960 people whose pictures can be dragged out and used during the 2010 election campaign to show Kevin knows lots of famous people, that being the whole purpose of the exercise.But what of the 40 people who will miss out on the photo op. They will be famous lefties who are known to be pedophiles (can think of one immediately), wife bashers or engaged in criminal activity and a token conservative so that Rudd can say he is truly governing for all Australians.
I’m devastated and disillusioned. I’ve been waiting patiently each day for the postman to deliver my invitation to this stellar occasion. Alas, nothing has arrived. And I thought and believed that this was to be attendance strictly by invitation only and I had no doubt that my brilliance would shine sufficiently to gain the attention of the eminent selection committee. It was to be an assured place at the forefront of the nation.
But now I am completely shattered. My faith in the new collective order has been destroyed… THEY have sunk to the lowest depths by requiring good people like me to self nominate! What a travesty! What an injustice! How can riff raff possibly be excluded from the Inaugural Meeting of the Central Committee . And what will that mean for the first five year plan ...... Sigh ....
That’s it, it’s over..... I’m finished..
I’d love to read the supporting statements of the Gigantic Brains applying for this – especially the handwritten ones – but the Privacy and Confidentiality policy says that “The information you provide … will be used only for the purposes of the Australia 2020 Summit only and for no other purpose …” Not for the entertainment of cynics and scoffers like you lot.
Posted by s.r.intulom on 2008 02 12 at 02:39 AM • permalink#47 Wand:
That’s exactly what I had in mind.
Posted by s.r.intulom on 2008 02 12 at 02:49 AM • permalinkNot for the entertainment of cynics and scoffers like you lot.
But Mr Rintoul, surely there will be some cynical, scoffing public servant somewhere in the bowels of the unholy city who will provide just three of the most wacky applications for our delight and delectation ?
This whole exercise will serve to flush out the most deranged and provde someone, somewhere with the relevant details
#50 Pickles:
We can only hope so.
Winnowing this stuff must be one of the plum jobs in the Public Service just now.
Posted by s.r.intulom on 2008 02 12 at 02:59 AM • permalinkWonder if Chris Sheil got an invite to Kevni’s kilo-cretan confab?
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 03:02 AM • permalinkThere was movement in the Capital, and word had passed around,
That Trusty Kevin’s plan had got away,
And had joined those of Keating, Gough and Fraser, somewhere under a mound,
And all the hacks had gathered on the day.Posted by AlburyShifton on 2008 02 12 at 03:05 AM • permalinkI thought I might try this for my application:
Before Mr Kevni 07 became our glorious leader, he repeatedly said that we all needed change. That he would be the man to bring about that change. Well imagine my disappointment, when he decided to have a thing called ‘RuddFest 08’. It became apparent to me that little Kevni may have breathed mucho petrol fumes through the clove box he slept in, as a member of a poor working class family who suffered at the hands of a callous ‘exploiter of the toiling masses’. For he has asked us, the good people of Australia how to do the job. Well, forgive my boldness, could it be, that maybe little Kevni has told the good people of Australia some fibs, or that he is storing his ‘verbal ammo’ in case comrade Gillard (who always seems to be grinning innately like a constipated vixen on heat) may have the want, to do him harm . . . ., career wise. For he has announced that he needs one thousand teachers to show him how to do the job. I would like to be, one of those one thousand ‘enlightened’ individuals.
Already, we are seeing Kevni getting bullied by the Indigenous Industry, the Sorry Industry and the Global Warminstas’ with their associated Industry ties. Not to mention Parliament’s very own answer to ‘Kath and Kim,’ comrade Julia Gillard. Kevni needs help in intellectually fighting of these people. He needs help when it comes to the nation’s fiduciary arrangements. He is so lucky, that he can no longer be influenced by a Rex Jackson or a Mr Kemlani, or a Jim Cairns. In the wings though, the shadows are long. Although I do not think Mr Brendan Nelson, the nation’s Opposition Leader, is a Malcolm Fraser and would do any harm to little Kevni. But then again, I did not think Mr Malcolm (my good friend Robert Mugabe) Fraser would turn out to be a whinging whining paragon of a Fabian Socialist.
Thankyou Sirs/Madams. I wait with great expectation and excitement for my ‘call to arms’.Kevin could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he’d just asked his Facebook friends for some cool ideas.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 02 12 at 03:07 AM • permalinkReasons for attending:
Despite years of trying and the removal of two ribs, I still can’t give myself a hummer. This was the next best option.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 02 12 at 03:31 AM • permalinkLooking at dear leader’s topics for discussion, I reminded of this from 1978 by Sir Les Patterson:
Let’s face it, for a while Australia’s image as a land of culture copped a terrific lot of rubbish and knocking from the expatriate sector, mainly a bunch of know-alls and shirt-lifters, who in my humble viewpoint are lower than the basic wage. Now, largely thanks to my goodself, my family and my staff, Australia is second to none in terms of macrame, pomes, opera, modesty, TV, and aboriginal artifacts. Not forgetting our internationally acclaimed, award-winning, world-class, home-grown fillum industry, which I have largely spearheaded.
The more things change the more they stay the same.
I know this is risible beyond description, but here are two possibly serious thoughts:
1) It is pure fascism in the technical sense;
2) It is pure centralism - the very thing the Howard Government was pilloried over (by me too) - if people have to pay their own way it obviously dsiscriminated against the outlying States.
Has anyone in the MSM noticed or mentioned either of these things?
Also, WHO are the 10-person committee making the choice?
Let me guess:
Philip Adams, Robert Manne, Barry Jones, Gough Whitlam, Mike Carlton, Richard Woolcott, Adele Horin, Traceeee, R. J. Stove, Helen Caldicott?
#19. “3. Rank three greatest Australian prime ministers in descending order, starting with Kevin Rudd.”
Contrail, it’s not even been 3 months but I reckon we’re pushing shit uphill to find 2 PMs worse than Kevni.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2008 02 12 at 04:08 AM • permalinkre #33/74 anyone know if this ‘smoking ceremony’ thang is bona fide?
seems to have a bit of a ‘secret woman’s business’ whiff about it to me.
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 05:29 AM • permalinkI’m just watching ABC flogging the apology.
And flogging it.
And flogging.
Flogging.
Funny how everyone who’s spoken to who’s supposedly from the “stolen generation/s” seems to know that they were poor and weren’t properly looked after…
and these were just kids… what did they know? Do they remember? Just look at Kevvie skewed idea of his childhood and his family’s early years.
#76 - I thought the safety nazis had banned smoking indoors?
Posted by mr creosote on 2008 02 12 at 05:49 AM • permalink#76 seems odd to have an ancient ceremony to drive bad spirits away from the houses they didn’t have pre 1788
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 05:52 AM • permalinkI think it can be done anywhere. To get rid of bad spirits.
Nation of Australia… before 1901.
>>>>snort, giggle<<<<
Aboriginal Owners.
>>>>>derisive groan<<<<
I was always taught that there is no “ownership” with aboriginal culture. “Property” is owned by everyone. Not land, though.
I’m sure the line many years ago was that aboriginal people didn’t OWN the land, they were just looking after it.
I’m applying. And in the little box that you tick if “...you wish to identify yourself as an Aboriginal/Torres Strait Islander, I will be placing a big tick. Hey I may not be Aboriginal or Torres Straight Islander, but that won’t stop me from wanting to be identified as one. Hell, if it gets me a guernsey…
#85- Ruddenberg 2008: The Triumph of the Shrill
(repeating myself-sorry)Posted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 06:17 AM • permalinkHeres a much nicer Windowlicker. Just imagine the skinny dude as Kevini and the 2 black dudes as thew Australian public.
The lady at the end is Australia designed by this committee.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 02 12 at 06:20 AM • permalink#84 Irobot
Hey I may not be Aboriginal or Torres Straight Islander
I think you can be an Aboriginal if you feel like it. And you may have to sit under a banyan tree for a couple of years but that’s about it.
If questioned about your ‘identity’ all you would need to do would be to feign hurt and stolen. I reckon you would be in like Flynn.
#33 If the intervention is wound back,...: Kevin Rudd.
But think of all of the sorry industry who will be upset if the intervention is wound back.
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 07:00 AM • permalinkRudd fun
Mansell alert
He’s back from the dead.
The Last of the Tasmanians.
Aboriginal activist Michael Mansell wants changes made to the wording of tomorrow’s apology.
I thought that was what today’s events were about. Oh well on with the fun.Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 07:11 AM • permalinkWell, we’ve had the apology. I am now going to get the family to sit around the coffee table in the lounge room, sing kumbaya and then it’s off to bed for the kiddies. I’m sure everyone will get a nice, warm feeling in the cockles of their heart from that.
Next time I am accosted by a blackfella down at Central wanting money for goon, I can happily say, “Sorry - and no compensation for you!”
Ha ha ha. I’m so chuffed at the thought, I want to go outside and kick a leftie in the balls.
Posted by mr creosote on 2008 02 12 at 07:15 AM • permalink#95 Mansell’s kind? He cares for who?
In recent times the Aboriginality of Michael Mansell has been brought into question.Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 07:42 AM • permalink#98 Too much time indoors and he has faded.
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 07:56 AM • permalink#100 HG Wells’ time machine may come in handy.
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 08:00 AM • permalinkMichael Mansell knows a sucker when he meets them. Krudd and the ABC. He waited until it was safe to come out of woods.
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 08:04 AM • permalinkIt is getting sillier and sillier now:
bbc.co.uk
A Welsh woman taken from her mixed-race parents as a baby by the Australian government has welcomed a planned apology for the “stolen generations”.
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 02 12 at 08:13 AM • permalinkNo wuckin furries.. compensation is not an issue, we have consensus:
JACKIE HUGGINS: “... I would want compensation ..”
MARCIA LANGTON: “.... duty on the part of the Government to pay compensation to the survivors “
FRED CHANEY: <waffle waffle> .. official records can’t be believed .. we shouldn’t trust the courts .. <waffle> yes.
As Phatty said in this mornings Australian, you lot are ignorant.
It’s sad, so sad
It’s a sad, sad situation
And it’s getting more and more absurd
It’s sad, so sad
Why can’t it just be a gesture
Oh it seems to me
That $orry seems to be the dearest wordPosted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 08:38 AM • permalinkThe gutters in Canberra are overflowing with drool from the lawyers and opportunists waiting for the $orry speech.
And Nelson is a spineless, gutless wretch who, like many of his ilk, can’t see beyond the next election.
FFS, less than a year ago, we were on top the world with next to no unemployment except for our Usual Suspects, cash rolling in the door by the bucketload, economy roaring ahead, business and the stock market booming.
The People Have Spoken, Krudd has the keys to the bikky bin, and the stock market dives, interest rates go up more in 3 months than in 3 years under JWH, and the whole country is in turmoil over some bullshit symbolic $orry crap and a bunch of two bob actors playing some sort of tribal pantomime in the nation’s Parliament being treated with faux solemnity.
Gawdalmighty.
Come back, JWH. Your country needs you.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2008 02 12 at 09:37 AM • permalinkUnless Kerry Ann Kennel is still on at 9am, the big plasma telly in the waiting room of the surgery where I work will be switched off, and I will hide the controls in amongst the bandages
We will NOT be watching this BS
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2008 02 12 at 09:59 AM • permalink#112 hear hear- i third everything you say
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2008 02 12 at 10:02 AM • permalink#117 BJM
Yes, Kyoto - tick
Stolen Generation apology - tickWhat’s next?
2020 Celebrity Challenge - tick
Another two interest rises - tickThen.....
GST - sure as eggs an increase will be with us this year
To pay for all the assorted sorrys and carbon emission limits etc
All the previous government’s fault of course
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2008 02 12 at 10:18 AM • permalinkAsh_
Are you still here? How’s little Ember?
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2008 02 12 at 10:49 AM • permalink#120 aussiemagpie
You did say to pay for carbon emission limits. Well those limits won’t be paid from an increase in GST, because the government will never pay for them even with taxpayers money (which is all the government ever has).
The limits will be paid by people who lose their jobs and industry that goes to the wall. If carried through to the stated intention of imposed carbon caps, it will be the single most effective way of destroying the economy. And when or if we reach that stage the increase in GST will have only aided the demise. Mind you, I would expect Kruddi should have been thrown out by then, but nothing is certain.
Some people are just intent on self destruction. In this case no doubt to save the world or the children or something sorry.
[pedant]
faire du lêche-vitrine: “to lick windows”; Mod. French idiom: “to window-shop”
[/pedant]
You see, were I to be invited to join this maniple of mania, this cohort of crackpots—I could easily delay proceedings such that absolutely nothing would be forthcoming until the next election (at the very least).
Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 02 12 at 05:48 PM • permalink#127 Wand. You’re right. A friend in the airconditioning field sees this happening in his industry with the green influence at government levels ensuring that new and ‘less dangerous’ components get legislated into airconditioners on too regular a basis. This effects prices which effects jobs down the vertical line of that industry from manufacturers to end users and spare parts companies.
120 - rising unemployment - tick
Just wait for the unfair dismissal laws to be changed. Employers have warned a return to casual workforce for workers is inevitable. Watch unemployment rise as employers run scared of increasing capacity, thereby being unable to meet any demand incrases, and the obvious flow on effect - reducing demand = less workers.
People keep focusing on awa’s as if it was the most important part of workchoices. They forget common law contracts have been around since before Rudd was a sperm in his drunken father’s balls. The unfair dismissal laws change unlocked a huge capacity constraint. Getting that genie back in the vase will cause tears. Just wait. Watch as those who voted labor say - “I lost my job” etc.
meh!
Page 1 of 1 pages
Members:
Login | Register
| Member List
Window-lickers?
Kevni07 fans are a worry, but HELL, Tim…