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BOB’S BAG OF MYSTERY

Bob Ellis demands constant invasive searches:

At the Sydney Writers’ Festival I entered with a big yellow cloth bag, big enough to hold a nuclear device, a crowded theatre addressed by Lewis Lapham, the dissident American editor of Harper’s. No-one searched the bag. A day later I entered with the same bag a crowded, milling Sydney airport, and no-one searched it there either.

War on terror, you say, John? It’s barely even a skirmish.

If Ellis’s bag can hold a nuclear device—more believable than flabby Ellis being able to lift it—imagine how many nukes Ellis can hide at his house! It should be searched daily; Ellis won’t complain. (By the way, if Harper’s has a “dissident American editor”, whose editorship is he opposing?) And here’s Bob on the white-powder-sent-to-Indonesian-embassy debacle:

Can Indonesia now pre-emptively bomb us, as we did Afghanistan, for harbouring a terrorist we won’t give up? Just asking.

Action against the Taliban in Afghanistan wasn’t pre-emptive. Ellis has evidently forgotten the events that provoked it.

(Via Ellis editor Raff, who also sends an earlier idiocy-riddled Bob column. I’ve just trebled your readership, Bob; PayPal is on the left.)

Posted by Tim B. on 06/08/2005 at 08:36 AM
  1. o.k. Bob,bend over.

    Posted by crash on 2005 06 08 at 09:49 AM • permalink

  2. His bag may well have contained a few seeds and a few copies of his own tome, but remember that he is a weapon.

    Posted by Nic on 2005 06 08 at 09:55 AM • permalink

  3. Nah, you haven’t.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 08 at 10:26 AM • permalink

  4. can we take one of those tennessee tunnel things over to bob’s house? osama might be hiding in the broom cupboard

    Posted by KK on 2005 06 08 at 10:30 AM • permalink

  5. Not being an Aussie, I’m not too well up with your publications, but is the Byrom Shire Echo a very prestigious publication?  I might be wrong, but I suspect it is only a step up from a supermarket price list.

    Posted by Craig UK on 2005 06 08 at 10:35 AM • permalink

  6. Without a magic wand to set it off, it’s harmless.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2005 06 08 at 10:59 AM • permalink

  7. Craig - try a step down.

    Lovely beaches, though.

    Posted by Pixy Misa on 2005 06 08 at 10:59 AM • permalink

  8. Collectivism has killed well over 100 million, so it’s easy for collectivists to forget the odd 3000 or so.

    Socialism Kills!

    Posted by Rob Read on 2005 06 08 at 11:17 AM • permalink

  9. I’m so confused. I thought the problem with the   so-called “war on terror” is that it was a sham to allow the fascist right-wing to crush individual rights. Then I see complaints that it must be a sham because there’s no crushin’ goin’ on.

    It’s almost as if the left wing is so adept at complaining that they can hold two contradictory complaints at the same time.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 06 08 at 12:33 PM • permalink

  10. Dave, I think the technical term for that “adeptness” is “schizophrenia”.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 06 08 at 01:24 PM • permalink

  11. Well, it almost makes sense…if you believe that the WOT is a sham, then the fact that the government (which says it’s not a sham) doesn’t prosecute it properly is at least grounds for calling them hypocrites. But of course, that’s if you merely want to exploit the issue as a club against a government you don’t like. If he was truly concerned about people’s rights in the context of the (so-called, he would probably say) WOT, he should also be giving the gov’t credit for their restraint.

    As Tim insinuated, if Ellis had been searched on both occasions, he would have been the first to whine about it.

    Posted by PW on 2005 06 08 at 03:03 PM • permalink

  12. Incidentally, is the accepted phrase “so-called war on terror” or “war on so-called terror”? (Or even “so-called war on so-called terror”?) With all the lefty goalpost-moving, I can never keep that straight.

    Posted by PW on 2005 06 08 at 03:04 PM • permalink

  13. How would Bob feel about wearing an orange jump suit at a secret location in Iraq, under the hospitality of Zarqwai?  I bet he would really be crying then, and not just his typical whinging and whining.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 06 08 at 03:44 PM • permalink

  14. A “dissident American editor” not in one of the many American gulags? How did this happen? Just wait until he arrives back in Amerikkka. Papers please.

    Posted by bc on 2005 06 08 at 03:58 PM • permalink

  15. Action against the Taliban in Afghanistan wasn’t pre-emptive. Ellis has evidently forgotten the events that provoked it.

    Bob, wasn’t it the Iranians? Bob? Bob?

    Posted by murph on 2005 06 08 at 07:39 PM • permalink

  16. But what is in the apparently ever present yellow cloth bag.  Surplus bile?

    Posted by noir on 2005 06 08 at 07:50 PM • permalink

  17. Wait, let me guess: the large yellow cloth bag was his girlfriend in a muu-muu.

    Posted by Mitch on 2005 06 09 at 08:31 AM • permalink

  18. The bag is Bob’s other suit (always wise to keep a change of clothes & toothbrush if you are going to another of his long lunches)

    Posted by rog2 on 2005 06 09 at 08:45 AM • permalink

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