<< TEXAS SMARTER THAN CALIFORNIA ~ MAIN ~ BIRD VIRUS INCURABLE >>
BOB ON THE JOB
Picture Bob Ellis at his computer, tapping out another column for the weekly Byron Bay Bong Trader, stomach furrowed with concentration. Tap, tap ... sip ... tap ... gurgle ... taptap ... clink ... CLANK! ... oh no! Shiraz* all over the keyboard! Computer broken, and column due tonight! Must write column using trusty old wine-resistant typewriter. That’ll mean no internet-enabled fact-checking, but Bob’s pretty sure he’ll get his story straight:
It looks like it was wrong of Saddam Hussein to kill or approve the killing of 143 people some of whom had tried to kill him, and he should therefore (I suppose) hang by the neck until he is dead for his immoderacy.
This seems fair enough. But it also seems by the same measure, or a worse one, wrong of George Bush to kill or approve the killing of one hundred thousand people in Afghanistan because one or two, or ten or twenty of them, tried to kill him and his Congress on 9/11, and he should therefore, what, fry in Old Sparky ...
How many people were killed on 9/11? Can’t remember; let’s just leave that out. One hundred thousand dead in Afghanistan? Yep; no forgetting Lancet’s famous report. They should try something like that in Iraq! To stop readers flicking past to the Mostly Mao ads, Bob again bemoans the destruction of Saddam’s luxury yacht—a dark episode that has haunted Ellis for nearly two years. And to conclude, a brief examination of international trade:
How many deaths, how many divorces, how many ruined childhoods and fractured educations does globalism have to cause before we see it, and condemn it, as the pandemic it is?
Not to mention all the ruined yachts of dictators! Speaking of potential divorce causes, I wonder how baby Juliet is doing these days ...
(Via Ellis editor Raff)
Psst, Tim, I’m beginning question your credentials as a journalist.
It’s Shiraz, not Chiraz, a second year cadet knows that.
;-)
—Nora
PS The Chardonnay I’m drinking now is delicious.Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 10 26 at 05:31 AM • permalinkYou’re cruel Tim!
Last I saw of the ‘Bobster’ he was using a shopping trolley to hold himself upright in the carpark of ‘Woolworths’ Byron Bay.
I’ts not nice to make fun of a dipsomaniac.Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 10 26 at 05:33 AM • permalinkWas it just me or did anyone else find no coherent arguement there. I had trouble finding a train of thought that wasnt immediately derailed over the ravine of his loathing for anyone other than Unkle Sa(dda)m.
The 14 year old grandson he uses in his article is the one killed in the gun battle that saw Saddams sons killed.
Um.. civillians usualy surrender Bob, some might even send their own kid out under a flag of truce then go out fighting. Keeping a kid in the room with you while you fight it out with the yanks will get you dobbed in by childrens services in most states in Oz.
What an old tossbag.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2005 10 26 at 05:53 AM • permalinkI think your “tap to sip/gurgle” ratio is way too high, Tim. I think Bob is drinking more than he’s typing.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 10 26 at 06:01 AM • permalink#7: Shrist! What happened after dinner Gubba?
Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 10 26 at 06:43 AM • permalinkTim, your secret’s safe with me.
:-)
—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 10 26 at 07:09 AM • permalinkThe second part of Ellis’s writing makes the first part look almost sane by comparison.
Posted by Susan Norton on 2005 10 26 at 07:38 AM • permalinkBo Bellis wrote, “It wasn’t just, or nice, to burn to the waterlevel Saddam’s luxury yacht, an exploitable treasure as tourist-magnetic as Blenheim Palace on which young students could sail upriver to Babylon for the next two hundred years ...”
Wow. I knew that Marlborough family were talented, but I never realised they had built an amphibious palace!
Incidentally, did anyone see the film allegedly based on Bob’s life as a teenager, “The Nostradamus Kid”? He both wrote and directed it, and portrayed himself as a sort of weird religious geek with obsessions about the end of the world - who nevertheless managed to shag every young woman within range.
Only worthwhile for those who liked Eowyn from LOTR (Miranda Otto). You’ll (ahem) get to see a bit more of her in this film.
Posted by Lionel Mandrake on 2005 10 26 at 08:12 AM • permalinkYeah Lionel, I forced myself to watch the Nostradamus Kid to make sure that I was nothing like him.
it is a semi autobiography of his childhood. The reason I was interested is that like Bob, I grew up as a Seventh Day Adventist in Lismore in Northern New South Wales, and drifted away once I got to Uni. The similarities end there however.
Bob, of course, went to Sydney Uni in the sixties (whereas I was at UQ in the eighties - I am sure that is the reason I am not a Chiraz drinking ☺, failed intellectual), and has tried to keep up with the Germaine Greers, Clive James etc. of the time. The fact that he did not have the intellectual capacity is blamed on his religious upbringing.
What the film does show is that he is incapable of operating without some kind of faith to underpin his belief system. He has substituted the ALP and the anti-globalisation shtick (he did, after all coin the phrase ‘the true believers’) for the fundamentalist christianity of his youth.
The ironic thing was, there was a lot to the early part of the movie that I could relate to (and a lot of semi identifiable characters), although his memories of SDA beliefs are heavy on the lunar right hyperbole to make the story interesting and to justify his future actions.
# 14 Bobby was indeed a 7th Day Adventist in the movie, but I don’t recall that actress. Just had a quick look on IMDb and she’s not listed on the cast.
I thought it was actually OK by the standards of 90s Australian movies - which unfortunately isn’t saying very much.
Posted by Lionel Mandrake on 2005 10 26 at 08:46 AM • permalinkBut it also seems by the same measure, or a worse one, wrong of George Bush to kill or approve the killing of one hundred thousand people in Afghanistan because one or two, or ten or twenty of them, tried to kill him and his Congress on 9/11, and he should therefore, what, fry in Old Sparky
I thought it was stupid right-wingers who wrongly thought that the hijackers were Afghanis.
Nora
What’s the name of the Shardonnay?
I’m looking for stuff from the Coalition of The Willing.
Not some chit that Shirac would drink.
{Gawd we’ve all been Margeauxed and Lowensteined-now we gotta read Ellis?}
Posted by madawaskan on 2005 10 26 at 10:15 AM • permalinkIt looks like it was wrong of Saddam Hussein to kill or approve the killing of 143 people some of whom had tried to kill him, and he should therefore (I suppose) hang by the neck until he is dead for his immoderacy.
Trust a lefty to call the murder of 143 people (“some” of whom tried to kill him) “immoderate”.
I think what he meant to say was
‘How many deaths, how many divorces, how many ruined childhoods and fractured educations does globalism have to PREVENT before we see it, and PRAISE it, as the SAVIOUR it is?’
Posted by Flying Giraffe on 2005 10 26 at 10:47 AM • permalinkGee, under Saddam Iraq had the best opera in the Middle East? Anybody who thinks THAT’S not worth a few hundred thousand dead citizens just ain’t civilized. And the best welfare system? I guess so, when the Head Actuary himself was in a position to cut down on long-term costs through the simple expedient of fixing mortality rates with clinical exactitude. Some people are born foolish, which is sad and regrettable; what I can’t understand is why people like Ellis actually aspire to follishness.
#19
Good morning Madawaskan - We’ve been drinking a lot from the McWilliams range - here’s someinfo on the Chardonnay.—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 10 26 at 04:29 PM • permalinkMmm, chardonnay. I’m drinking one right now—Redwood, out of California.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 10 26 at 07:11 PM • permalinkCheers Andrea
Did you get out of the hurricane unscatched?—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 10 26 at 11:50 PM • permalinkThere were only tropical storm winds in my neighborhood. Didn’t even lose power.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 10 27 at 12:41 AM • permalink
Page 1 of 1 pages
Members:
Login | Register
| Member List
“I was not always as you see me now.”