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BLONDE SEA-BEAST LAUNCHED

Presenting Lobster, by John Galliano.

UPDATE. In other freaky animal news, a Bay Area editorial reports:

The president claims to support the troops, but doesn’t seem to understand that means more than a visit to Iraq and a photo-op with a plastic turkey.

At least he never tried to serve them Zsa Zsa the Crustacean.

UPDATE II. Lobzilla!

A giant freshwater lobster measuring almost one metre in length has been found in north-west Tasmania.

(For readers unfamiliar with the metric system, one metre equals 2.18 cubits.)

Via J.F. Beck

UPDATE III. A personal lobster story: in 1990, wandering around Washington, I happened upon The National Aquarium. Within dwelt the magnificent Quayle Lobster. Seems this monster had been trapped by the then-VP, who was prevented from eating it by PETA types. For all I know the Quayle Lobster is still there, staring malevolently at passing humans and wishing he had mink claws.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/08/2006 at 08:48 AM
  1. So?  I’ve known a few crabby blondes in my time....

    Posted by Challeron on 2006 03 08 at 08:58 AM • permalink

  2. I wonder if it will be one of the 50 extinct specied tomorrow.

    Posted by amortiser on 2006 03 08 at 08:59 AM • permalink

  3. Shear it, boil it in the crab cooker, bung some mayo and black pepper on it.

    Serve with a VB and a slice of good healthy white bread slathered with butter.

    Yum. Giant prawns, mmmm.

    Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 03 08 at 09:07 AM • permalink

  4. Late thought, you could knit a nice keffiyah from the hairy bits, ideal for formal occasions like PETA rallies etc.

    Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 03 08 at 09:11 AM • permalink

  5. It’s the Merino of the seas!

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 03 08 at 09:13 AM • permalink

  6. It escaped from the Sydney Mardi Gras last weekend.

    Posted by Stevo on 2006 03 08 at 09:19 AM • permalink

  7. The president claims to support the troops, but doesn’t seem to understand that means more than a visit to Iraq and a photo-op with a plastic turkey Perhaps he needs to take a lesson from media whore Cindy, Mad Murtha and the NYSlimes on how to support the troops.

    Posted by stats on 2006 03 08 at 09:37 AM • permalink

  8. A giant freshwater lobster measuring almost one metre in length has been found in north-west Tasmania.

    Hmmmm.  I sense Richard McEnroe’s machinations at work.  I better let Lord Rove know about this.

    Posted by wronwright on 2006 03 08 at 10:07 AM • permalink

  9. In re: the blonde sea-beast - looks like a lobster wearing a fur coat. This would seem to create quite a dilemma for PETA. In fact, the complexities of the issue will probably warrant the employment of women with even greater callipygian charms to display PETA’s popular “bumper” stickers.

    Posted by paco on 2006 03 08 at 10:13 AM • permalink

  10. In these parts, freshwater lobsters are called crawdads. And them’s good eatin’.

    Posted by Some0Seppo on 2006 03 08 at 10:14 AM • permalink

  11. The animal is white and 5.9 inches long, about the size of a salad plate.

    Convenient, that.

    Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 03 08 at 10:17 AM • permalink

  12. Obviously these are mutant lobsters created by the swirls of depleted uranium dust blown into the sea.  Get Robert Fisk on the case soonest!

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 03 08 at 10:21 AM • permalink

  13. wronwight — You leave Pinchy alone!

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 08 at 11:04 AM • permalink

  14. After jumping the shark on Iraq and otherwise being caught floundering about, Fisk seems to have clammed up on the lobster issue.

    Deftly sidesteps Monty Python-type 2,000 pound weight dropped by commenters allergic to bad puns .

    Posted by paco on 2006 03 08 at 11:09 AM • permalink

  15. Well, I don’t care.  I’m not following up my groundbreaking “Shibuya Gals Meet Giant Anteater King” with no “Priscilla, Queen of the Reef...”

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 08 at 11:28 AM • permalink

  16. My 2 year old son was staring at a lobster tank last week.  We told him that his Omi (Grandmother) likes lobster.  He thought we meant she was going to be EATEN by a lobster.

    Now, whenever he hears the word lobster, he shouts “COOK IT COOK IT!” He eats his meat first at meals.  He will never be a member of PETA.  I am so proud!

    Posted by Room 237 on 2006 03 08 at 11:50 AM • permalink

  17. BLONDE SEA-BEAST LUNCHED?

    Posted by monkeyfan on 2006 03 08 at 12:03 PM • permalink

  18. Okay, what’s the difference between a metre and a meter?  The former sounds suspiciously, er, French.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 03 08 at 12:22 PM • permalink

  19. #17 monkeyfan:

    I guess we’ve finally found out how long a long lunch is - about one meter.

    Posted by PW on 2006 03 08 at 12:27 PM • permalink

  20. So how many “metres” are in a “meter”?

    Posted by Rittenhouse on 2006 03 08 at 12:38 PM • permalink

  21. National Aquarium:

    Resembling a rec room one might find in a friend’s basement, this is a handy refuge from the summer heat, if not much of an aquarium. Established by the federal government in 1873 and spread out over a variety of locations, the now centralized aquarium went private in 1982. It’s the nation’s oldest aquarium, and it has been showing its age for some time now: You may be disappointed by the slim pickings and lackluster maintenance. Seventy tanks display fresh- and saltwater marine specimens. There are also slide presentations, a touch tank for children to handle live critters, a gift shop, and a cafeteria.

    From the Access guide book DC edition, that pretty much nails our national aquarium. Pitiful.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 08 at 01:28 PM • permalink

  22. BTW, we have “meters” here in the States; no “metres” though. I like meters, especially kilometers--there’s less distance to cover and you get there faster.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 08 at 01:39 PM • permalink

  23. 21: Sad. But the submerged Kennedy Oldsmobile in the large tank by the exit is pretty cool.

    Posted by paco on 2006 03 08 at 02:27 PM • permalink

  24. The National Aquarium in Baltimore is excellent, however.

    Posted by jic on 2006 03 08 at 02:55 PM • permalink


  25. We were at a party
    His ear lobe fell in the deep
    Someone reached in and grabbed it
    It was a rock lobster

    We were at the beach
    Everybody had matching towels
    Somebody went under a dock
    And there they saw a rock
    It wasn’t a rock
    It was a rock lobster

    Courtesy of the B-52’s. Still one of the world’s best dance bands.

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 03 08 at 03:32 PM • permalink

  26. But the submerged Kennedy Oldsmobile in the large tank by the exit is pretty cool.

    If only.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 08 at 03:47 PM • permalink

  27. Those PETA people! How can they defend animals which cruelly and without a hint of compassion, on a daily basis, eat living plants!!?

    Posted by blogstrop on 2006 03 08 at 04:52 PM • permalink

  28. I don’t know why it wasn’t called a yabby, that’s what they are called in these parts.
    And they are yummy.

    Posted by kae on 2006 03 08 at 06:15 PM • permalink

  29. A giant freshwater lobster measuring almost one metre in length has been found in north-west Tasmania.

    This may force a change in the Japanese custom of eating the lobster while still alive.

    Posted by Sensible Swim on 2006 03 08 at 07:33 PM • permalink

  30. Holy sh*t, Tim!  That blonde “lobster” looks like a hairy spider at first glance.  Give a gal a warning, wontcha?

    For readers unfamiliar with the metric system, one metre equals 2.18 cubits.

    Geez, I wish I’d know that when I lived in Germany.  It would have made my life so much easier.  ;-p

    Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2006 03 08 at 08:50 PM • permalink

  31. "Giant freshwater lobster researcher “ now try that line picking up girls at a party.

    Posted by allan on 2006 03 08 at 10:31 PM • permalink

  32. #27—the folks ate PETA are vegetarians not because they love animals; I think it because they HATE vegetables!

    Remember the Southpark episode when PETA gets rid of the Cow Mascot???

    Stan says, “But if we get rid of our mascot, the terrorists will have won!”

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 03 08 at 11:33 PM • permalink

  33. 18 Steve Skubinna

    Okay, what’s the difference between a metre and a meter?  The former sounds suspiciously, er, French

    In fact both words sound the same. Metre might look froggy to some. We have kept the French spelling because its meaning is different to meter.
    In Oz, a metre is a unit of length equal to 2.18 cubits, as we have already been told by Tim.
    A meter is a thingy for measuring things, as in Voltmeter, speedometer, altimeter and just plain meter.

    Posted by Skeeter on 2006 03 09 at 12:02 AM • permalink

  34. 2.18 cubits?  Are those Egyptian cubits of Phoenician cubits?

    They spell it metre because that’s the way the Poms spell things with -re endings.  The Poms and Ozzies never had somebody like Noah Webster to establish the logical spelling of English words, as we in the states did, so that here we use -er.  That’s also why they put unnecessary -u’s in words like labor and harbor.

    Posted by Michael Lonie on 2006 03 09 at 12:19 AM • permalink

  35. # 34 - No it’s because we (England and thus Australia) just plain stole these words from other countries and languages and we were too lazy and arrogant to even try to hide our theft. The greatness of our heritage is therein - proud to be mongrels!

    Posted by allan on 2006 03 09 at 01:13 AM • permalink

  36. The best thing about stealing words from other languages is mispronunciating them.  After that you then can spell them they way they’re pronounced (something many foreigners don’t even do).  We Americans, for example, have a great many words we’ve taken from English.

    We love watching their puzzled expressions as they try deciphering what we say.  Until the mid twentieth century they didn’t even try, but now they’re afraid they’ll miss something important, like the next country Dubya wants them to invade.

    Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 03 09 at 01:37 AM • permalink

  37. #36 Stevo.

    I can go along with that reasoning. 

    As Allen said, we use a lot of French words with spelling unchanged (like metre).  One of the advantages of this is seeing the frogs grind their teeth straight through their galloises at the way we pronounce “lar bell fransays”.

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 09 at 07:37 AM • permalink

  38. JoeBag 25

    the B-52’s. Still one of the world’s best dance bands.

    Well that’s not saying much, is it?

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 03 09 at 04:24 PM • permalink

  39. Stoop Davy Dave,

    Well, it may indeed be damning with faint praise.  But your chances of scoring tang is a lot greater at one of their concerts that one of Keith Urban’s.

    Once you got’em dancing you just gotta get them to lay down on the floor.

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 03 09 at 04:29 PM • permalink

  40. Meter vs Metre.  As had been quoted before in these pages.

    “Not only does the English Language borrow words from other languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and goes through their pockets”

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 03 09 at 04:43 PM • permalink

  41. Re #40:  Slightly OT, but this reminds me of something I read in an H Beam Piper story:  “And you know what English is?  It’s the result of the efforts of Norman men at arms to pick up Saxon barmaids, and no more legitimate than any of the other results”.

    Mike Dubost

    Posted by Mike Dubost on 2006 03 10 at 01:28 AM • permalink

  42. JoeBag 39

    your chances of scoring tang is a lot greater at one of their concerts that one of Keith Urban’s.

    I’ll, um, take your word for it.  What’s a Keith Urban?  Never mind, I don’t really want to know.

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 03 10 at 11:37 AM • permalink

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