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Predictions of plastic turkey extinction were wildly premature. Here’s Austin radio host Scott Horton at antiwar.com:


The Bush crew has done it again (remember the plastic turkey on Thanksgiving?)

Remember? We’re barely given a chance to forget. A commenter at Arianna’s Hufferama also revives the closely-related fake turkey:


I wonder if the trained seals - oops, I mean carefully-picked troops - were fed fake turkey after the conference was over?

The turkey! It lives!

Posted by Tim B. on 10/17/2005 at 11:59 AM
  1. This is a bit of ornithological news that ranks right up there with recent sightings of the ivory-billed woodpecker, previously thought extinct for over 50 years. The continued existence of the plastic turkey, in spite of the destruction of its natural habitat by truth-obsessed bloggers, strongly supports fans of evolution theory, as it demonstrates the ability of this hardy life form to mutate and adapt to changing surroundings practically overnight. It seems likely that not even avian influenza could kill off this species. I look forward to further news reports as the MSM continues to give us this particular bird.

    Posted by paco on 2005 10 17 at 01:24 PM • permalink

  2. As God is my witness, I thought plastic turkeys could fly.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 10 17 at 01:34 PM • permalink

  3. Indeed, the more trustworthy ornithologists like Dr. Blair insist that the species is extinct, the more sightings of the plastic turkey (meleagris gallopavo plasticis) are found. My theory is that the spotters have either confused the bird with a similar species, perhaps meleagris gallopavo imanidiotus, or are themselves suffering from conjunctivits reflectivus —that is, seeing themselves as the plastic turkey. I must apply for a grant to study this in depth.

    Posted by Monroe Doctrine on 2005 10 17 at 01:35 PM • permalink

  4. I live in Austin and listen to the radio quite a lot.  I have never heard of this turkey (mind the pun).  He must be the stealth radio host.  Surely his silly views are worthy of invisibility.

    Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2005 10 17 at 02:06 PM • permalink

  5. #3: Hmmmm, m’yes, very interesting hypothesis doctor. The possibility of mass auto-hypnosis stemming from tinfoil-induced amplification of voices in the head had not occurred to me, but it seems the most likely explanation for supposed sightings of this rara avis. Is is thus my reconsidered professional opinion that the plastic turkey will soon take its place in the museum of extinct species along side of the archeopterix and the great auk.

    Posted by paco on 2005 10 17 at 02:45 PM • permalink

  6. #3, I’m not sure I concur with your diagnosis of conjunctivitis reflectivus. These are symptoms frequently associated with rejection of a rectal-cranial bypass.

    Posted by crusher_of_libs on 2005 10 17 at 03:11 PM • permalink

  7. Ah, yes, my colleagues, these are excellent points. Clearly the problem is a phenomenon within the viewer of the bird rather than with the bird itself. Now we’ll need two grants.

    Posted by Monroe Doctrine on 2005 10 17 at 03:25 PM • permalink

  8. The plastic turkey has not evolved. It was and is the product of Unintelligent Design.

    Posted by Abu Qa'Qa on 2005 10 17 at 04:11 PM • permalink

  9. #6: But Dr. Crusher, we must consider the many documented cases of rectal-cranial fusion which mimicks the symptoms of rectal-cranial bypass.

    #8: Quite right, Dr. Abu, quite right.

    Yes, I’d say grants all around.

    Posted by paco on 2005 10 17 at 04:33 PM • permalink

  10. Kathyfromaustin—hey, he gets the full 50-watt broadcast, every night, right from the comfort of his own trailer (caravan, to you exotic foreigners)...

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 10 17 at 05:04 PM • permalink

  11. I wonder if the trained seals - oops, I mean carefully-picked troops - were fed fake turkey after the conference was over?

    My god, if you’re going to do the moonbat thing, at least get it right.  The turkey that the troops ate wasn’t fake, it was real.  It just wasn’t the big beautiful nicely dressed up turkey that Chimpy McHalliburbush held for the cameras.  And um, yeah, probably that big turkey got eaten, I mean who would throw it away without eating some of it?  But the important thing here was that turkey didn’t immediately go right to the soldiers.  And that was, you know, sort of fakelike.  And that made the scene fake which—please stay with me here—made the turkey fake, in a way.

    So you can’t actually say the soldiers ate a fake turkey.  Because they really ate a real turkey.  And the turkey that Bush held was real too, yes that’s true.  But it was sort of fake, OK?

    And well, BUSH IS HITLER, DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ARE YOU ALL BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AND HE’S TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, THAT’S THE KEY THING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

    (Please note that it is my sincerest hope there’s nothing left in the cap jars for sortelli who drives a fake turkey SUV)

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 10 17 at 05:45 PM • permalink

  12. Has anyone notice how Richard McEnroe always get a comment in like right before me?  It’s errie.  Or earie.  Or earry.  Or Lake Erie.  Like he’s got my computer programmed to always let him go first.

    And of course nobody will bother reading mine.  Only thing worse is when Iowahawk does it.  (curls fingers while saying Iowahawk)

    I suspect a dark conspiracy.  Probably the Dutch are involved in some way.  I think I’ll go discuss it at Webdiary.

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 10 17 at 05:53 PM • permalink

  13. Yet they never mention the turkey that Bush was photographed actually serving to the troops.

    Holding up a real turkey that isn’t eaten = plastic turkey.

    Serving real turkey that is eaten = let’s pretend it never happened.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 10 17 at 06:20 PM • permalink

  14. “I wonder if the trained seals - oops, I mean carefully-picked troops…”

    Chortle… ahhh, ya kill me.

    Posted by cal on 2005 10 17 at 07:16 PM • permalink

  15. I thought SEALS, properly trained, ate only terrorists.  Turkey, especially plastic, would hardly qualify as a snack.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 10 17 at 07:46 PM • permalink

  16. Perhaps John Howard could invite George and Laura for Christmas and show them one of the real plastic imitation conifer Christmas trees 9 out of 10 Australian households actually own. Maybe even give Bush one for Christmas. Think of the scandal. Very handy though, they could re-use the tree and turkey every year.

    Posted by the nailgun on 2005 10 17 at 08:16 PM • permalink

  17. I presume E-bay has rules against selling fake stuff but wouldn’t it be wonderful to list a plastic turkey on ebay as being THE turkey George Bush “served” and see how many bids you would get?

    Posted by the nailgun on 2005 10 17 at 08:18 PM • permalink

  18. Bahhhh! Plastic Turkey.

    I’ll bet a Robot Chicken would kick its feathery little ass…

    Posted by monkeyfan on 2005 10 17 at 08:39 PM • permalink

  19. 17#

    I think nailgun is onto something. think of the fun, we could even place fake comments on left wing blogs to drive the price up.

    Lord Rove will surely approve of this devilish plot.

    mmmwwwhaaaahahahahahahahah

    Posted by Mospact on 2005 10 17 at 11:26 PM • permalink

  20. Hey wronwright, you used up all the exclamation points in the jar, so I have to use slashes for emphasis/ Grrrrrrr/

    Posted by Michael Lonie on 2005 10 18 at 12:16 AM • permalink

  21. Don’t knock plastic turkey.  With the right gravy, you can make it fly!

    Posted by Inurbanus on 2005 10 18 at 12:37 AM • permalink

  22. I tolja so

    Posted by ForNow on 2005 10 18 at 12:55 AM • permalink

  23. Actually wronright, I have noticed that the close posting between yourself and Richard McEnroe has been going on for some time.  Are you two telepathic, joined at the hip, ring each other up before posting, in the same room, or you are both really zhapod beeblebrux (sp)?  Perhaps one of you is a fake turkey.

    Or is it merely that Lord Rove has asked McEnroe to keep a very close eye on you?  Perhaps you should set a trap?

    Posted by entropy on 2005 10 18 at 01:10 AM • permalink

  24. Even if wronwright and McEnroe were at opposite ends of the universe, by the principles of quantum mechanics, the INSTANT one posted, so would the other one (see discussion of the EPR Paradox).

    Posted by Bruce Lagasse on 2005 10 18 at 01:52 AM • permalink

  25. Again, can someone explain to me that even if Bush and Cheney were evil MWAHAHAHAH types...WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY GET a damn plastic turkey out there, when a real (albeit inedible) turkey would be a) cheaper and b) look far better.

    Posted by Quentin George on 2005 10 18 at 03:33 AM • permalink

  26. #25- wow you’re right: it’s, like, totally illogical!

    Meanwhile, the embattled Bush administration is denying reports that the President bathes with a rubber ducky and once shot at a clay pigeon.

    Posted by slammer on 2005 10 18 at 03:46 AM • permalink

  27. Self-righteous critics are calling the President’s ‘plastic conversation’ with the troops a “carefully scripted publicity stunt”.

    No...do you think?  A politician seeking publicity?  What will this evil monster do next?

    Posted by slammer on 2005 10 18 at 03:58 AM • permalink

  28. Plastic turkey soliloquy..
    Well you can mend broken bones
    and take out kidney stones
    and do a little psychiatry
    then you oughta be able
    to put me on the table
    and take good care of me…

    Posted by crash on 2005 10 18 at 06:11 AM • permalink

  29. ROFLMAO!

    I have not been here for a bit and decided to come and see the latest from Timmy! I figured I’ld see a plastic turkey reference before too long and Tim did not disapoint!

    Those whacky leftists!

    Posted by Marcus Aurelius on 2005 10 18 at 08:48 AM • permalink

  30. Are you two telepathic, joined at the hip, ring each other up before posting, in the same room ... [?]

    No.  Karl Rove assigned McEnroe has my “mentor”.  I always thought a mentor was someone who helps a person entering into an organization to nagivate the shoals of troubles and help to pass the requirements.  Evidently, in the Evil Cult Known as Neoconservatism, it means assigning the applicant the task of washing and waxing all the Humvees and black helicopters in the cult’s fleet.  And to move lakes, lots and lots of lakes.

    I have no idea what any of this is doing to make me a better neocon.  I suppose I should be happy, many a full member have come up to me to say that I’m very lucky to have been assigned McEnroe.  That he’s very well regarded by Rove and can teach me many clever and cunning tactics that will help me later in my career.  But unless my career involves waxing autos and aero vehicles, I can’t possibly see how.

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 10 18 at 10:25 AM • permalink

  31. Wronwright and McEnroe: So, which one of you guys took the call from Judith Miller and impersonated Karl Rove’s voice when you mentioned Valerie Plame? Karl is NOT going to be happy.

    Posted by paco on 2005 10 18 at 10:44 AM • permalink

  32. (looks over left shoulder, fingers collar of shirt)

    Um, well, um, I think that was another Pussywillow (that’s the official title for novices—I’m a PW Class 3).  I mean the last few years of applicants have been not quite up to our usual standards.

    (thinks about the New Zealand group, shakes head)

    But, uh, I think I should mention that whoever did speak with Ms. Miller did not actually say he (or she, it could have been a woman you know!) was Karl.  He only spoke in a low menacing voice.  Miller was the one that jumped—JUMPED!—to conclusions.  Yes.  And it should also be noted that this completely anonymous but well-meaning person actually uttered the name Valerie Flame, not Plame.

    You know, more that I think about this, I would just bet that Judith, er, I mean Miller made it all up.  I mean, she works for the New York Times!  Jayson Blair.  Maureen Dowd.  Yeah?  Right?  And who’s the economist whose column they roll up for the men’s room at the Neocon Club?  Yes?  They’re all untrustworthy.  Not like PW 3’s!

    (hopes that McEnroe doesn’t read this, remembers the shellacking received when inadvertently outed arbed nilknarf)

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 10 18 at 12:12 PM • permalink

  33. wronwright—If you don’t recognize a classic instructional technique, I’m going to have to Mr. Miyagi pay you another visit…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 10 18 at 08:40 PM • permalink

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