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BIG JAW WANTS YOUR NAME
Sign John Kerry’s petition! Word on the street is every 100th signatory receives a free Magic Hat. Which, by coincidence, was the name I used. Sign now!
After 20+ years as a US Senator, one might hope that Kerry has learned to set priorities. Clearly, one would be wrong. But I knew that in Nov 04, when I voted Bush.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 07 13 at 12:41 PM • permalinkDone - as Ricky Ricardo. Lucy, joo gots some ‘splaining to doo!
At least Gore had the decency to fade away into obscurity apart from that horrible beard he sported for a while during his post election funk.
And why would Rove, of all people, involve himself in “outing” a CIA agent? Would it not make more sense to have someone else do it? Or perhaps even do it anonymously? Last I checked, Darth Rove was both mysterious and sinister…
Done, in the name of “Khmer Rouge”, thanking Kerry for having the strength of character to supply us so we could begin our campaign that would kill, er, thrill, millions.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2005 07 13 at 05:48 PM • permalinkJeez, now I feel awfully juvenile. I signed it as Kerry Suxdogdix, Spronge Footlong, and Gallons O’Hotcum. As Spronge, I gave ‘em one of my back-up addies just to see what crap they send me.
Posted by David Crawford on 2005 07 13 at 05:52 PM • permalinkHasn’t anyone put up a counter-petition yet? I want to be able to say I voted for Rove’s firing before I voted against it.
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2005 07 13 at 06:38 PM • permalinkI signed in as Hootchburnin’ Hottie. Has anyone used Boston Babykiller yet?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 07 13 at 07:48 PM • permalinkCome on guys! This is serious! Rove went and recklessly outed Valerie Plame, and all you guys can do is make jokes about John Kerry? Do you realize how much effort went in to building Plame’s cover? She had to drive to the CIA headquarters at Langely every day just to establish that she wasn’t a CIA covert operative. Just think about that; every day! Imagine what Plame’s contributions to the war on terror could have been if Rove hadn’t disclosed her identity! She could have been assigned to infiltrate alQaeda in Afgahnistan , getting close to bin Ladin, and if Mahamud Mahhamod Mahamid ever grew suspicious of this white, western woman of being a CIA agent, bin Ladin would naturally say “Of course she isn’t! No covert CIA Agent would work at Langley!” It was a brilliant scheme, its logic was flawless, and it was the center piece of one of those plans John Kerry kept talking about during the election. We could have bin Ladin if it wasn’t for Rove and Chimpy McBushitlerburton!
And think about all the sensetive undercover operations Plame has already been a part of that are now in danger of falling apart. The CIA has for years, years been trying to infiltrate the pages of Vanity Fair, and the only agent with enough skill and street cred to get near this radical pop culture extremist organization was Plame. Can you possiblly comprehend how many contacts and agents had given blood, sweat, and tears to get Plame that close to a photographer? All those resources are gone now. I’m sure some poor hair dresser is now in mortal danger from Vanity Fair’s despotic editors, and it’s all Rumsfeld’s I mean Cheney’s… wait… let me check the talking points… ah yes, ROVE’S FAULT!
So shame on you all!
I signed it as “Seymour Butts” and asked them to turn off Rove’s mind-altering neo-con thought-ray.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2005 07 13 at 08:38 PM • permalinkI’m afraid I wasn’t very mature either. I think may have confused them. hee, hee:
Leave Rove alone - what’s he ever done to you?
He’s a harmless enough TV talk show host - he even won a Gold Logie!
Shame, shame on you Mr Kerry.
Kerry… no relation to Kerry Packer?
Never mind, he gets Sam Chisolm to sack people. Maybe you can get him?
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 07 13 at 09:27 PM • permalinkMy god in heaven, youse guys are hysterical!
I think I hurt myself laughing.
[Back from taking a bathroom break before I pee’d my pants]
Signed it as ReleaseYour OriginalDischargePapers. Boston zip code. E-mail: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
I noticed they ask visitors to “Tell us what you think.” I wanted to, but decided to be mature about it and instead wrote, “You’re wasting our tax dollars AGAIN, you waste of skin. Release your ORIGINAL discharge papers (from before Jimmuh “Never Met a Dictator I Didn’t Like” Cahtah covered up for you).
Too bad sKerry won’t get to see the comments. :-(
Wonder if sKerry’s people will clean up the signatures before forwarding the “petition” to Bush?
Even more, I wonder who in the hell in sKerry’s camp thought this was a good idea? :-D
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2005 07 13 at 11:33 PM • permalinkAll I could think of was ‘Iva Biggin’ and ‘Phil Mcrackin’.
Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 07 13 at 11:47 PM • permalinkDuring important pieces of activism I like to turn to The Simpsons for nom de guerre inspiration:
Al Coholic, Oliver Clothesoff, IP Freely, Jacques Strap, Homer Sexual, Mike Rotch, Hugh Jass, Bea O’Problem, Amanda Huggenkiss, Ivana Tinkle,Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 07 14 at 01:07 AM • permalinkFirst: Lucy
Last: Ramirez
Addr: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
ZipC: 91101
Mssg:I’ve got more memos if you want them.
Meet me at Starbucks on Monday; I’ll be wearing a “Kerry/Edwards” pin.
Posted by zeppenwolf on 2005 07 14 at 05:01 AM • permalinkThe Russians are also sending Katya Cherkenoff and Frisia Balzoff to our aid.
I can’t believe Mr. Period and Hugh G. Rection haven’t been heard from yet.
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2005 07 14 at 06:34 AM • permalinkI signed in a manner reminiscent of Jing S. Kahn.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 07 14 at 08:33 AM • permalinkDamn, you guys are having fun. Here’s another opportunity for a few giggles:
http://ga3.org/campaign/uniteourstates?source=google1
I’m really surprised that I haven’t seen my personal favorite: Mike Hunt.
Posted by helltoupee on 2005 07 14 at 09:10 AM • permalinkLessee, at various times I’ve been Joe Wilson/“That was no covert CIA agent; that was my wife”; Johnny Swiftboat/“Please, somebody, kill me before I run again”; Ima Loser/“118,599 votes, bwahahahahaha”; Hillary Clinton/“If you even think about getting in my way you’ll be wearing your scrotum for a magic hat (and if you don’t believe me, just ask Bill)”; Terry Heinz/“Who do I have to f**k to get out of this marriage”.
Who knew being so immature could be so much fun? (well, actually, I did…)
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2005 07 14 at 11:14 AM • permalinkThis is truly the Best. Petition. Ever.
[Scene - Kerry Headquarters. ENTER two staffers talking.]
#1: This internet petition thing was brilliant, Ted.
#2: Thanks, Arlen.
A (#1): Now we’re really going to get the voice of the people![They approach a third staffer sitting at a computer, looking troubled.]
T (#2): That’ll show those ignorant cusses who to vote for.
A: “Whom,” Ted.
T: “Bite me,” Arlen.
#3: (looking up) Uh, guys? Save it for a minute and come over here.[They start reading signatures.]
A: (puzzled) Who’s Amanda Hugankiss? You ever date her?
T: Maybe when I was hammered… I definitely remember a Hugh Jass.
#3: Guys, these are all gags. Probably half of these aren’t our supporters, or even real people!
T: How “probably”? Maybe we can spin it like Florida or Ohio…
A: I’ll make a few calls.
#3: You think that’s going to help? The real ones are all from losers like Kucinich.
T: Zell Miller signed!
A: Yeah, but he wrote “Sod off, swampy.”
#3: We can’t let the boss see this.JK: (offstage) What can’t I see?
[Kerry strides in, looking noble, his Magic Hat set rakishly.]
#3: Nothing, sir…uh…spammers!
JK: I’ve told this President time and again that we need swift legislation to probe the dark depths of the spamming underworld. Once I even received an offer for male enhancement! It was deplorable.
A: (muttering) I bet that one’s “Seared, seared into his memory”...[JK drones for twenty minutes, as more signatures from bloggers pile into the petition form.]
#3: Sir, you do realize that we can’t really use any of this.
JK: Don’t tell me what I can’t use! Don’t you know who I am?
A: We’ll look like idiots, John…
JK: Bring! It! On!
#3: But these are fakes! Half of these emails are redirects to porn sites!
T: Uh, are you, uh, sure? We should, um, verify that.
#3: I didn’t invent this damned thing for you to get your kicks, Ted.
JK: [looking closely at the signatures] Well, I don’t care what anyone says, this “Heywood Jablome” is a smart cookie. Have Nancy and Howard call him and whip up some talking points!
A: (thinking) I helped bork Estrada for this? Damn it![EXEUNT]
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Command obeyed; petition signed. As Mr. Seared Seared!