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BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT VEGEMITE
ULURULULULULULULULU! I call on my brother Australians to avenge this most grievous attack on our people and sacred beliefs. A phatwa upon the infidels and untasters!
Let it be known: the volatile Australian street is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very angry. Apologise now, pig monster American hegemen, or face our wrath.
UPDATE. In other regulatory news, Jules Crittenden slams the military’s dumb response to milbloggers.
UPDATE II. kisdm001: “Newsweek is reporting that a jar of Vegemite has been found in a toilet in Gitmo.”
UPDATE III. Regarding military dumbness, further from Michael Yon:
While our enemies have “journalists” crawling all over battlefields to chronicle their successes and our failures, we have an “embed” media system that is so ineptly managed that earlier this fall there were only 9 reporters embedded with 150,000 American troops in Iraq. There were about 770 during the initial invasion.
Many blame the media for the estrangement, but part of the blame rests squarely on the chip-laden shoulders of key military officers and on the often clueless Combined Press Information Center in Baghdad, which doesn’t manage the media so much as manhandle them.
UPDATE IV. Geoff on the Vegemite controversy: “This is the greatest outrage in all of history.” Hey, don’t talk it down, man!
UPDATE V. Felix K. emails: “Vegemite is sold in supermarkets here (I am an ex-pat Austrian living in Redmond, Wash., USA). Admittedly, the FDA has reason for concern—the stuff reminds me of toxic sludge—but as of August, Vegemite and Marmite are foods and freely sold at Larry’s and other places. If the supermarket can find a buyer, that is.” Thanks for that information, Felix. Of course, your vicious slurs now require that you be executed.
UPDATE VI. Reader Apostic calls urban legend; the Geelong Advertiser sticks by the ban claim.
UPDATE VII. Send your Vegemite complaints to the White House!
UPDATE VIII. Skeeter: “Our 15-month-old granddaughter prefers her vegemite straight from the spoon. She always eats it first before all the other foods offered to her.” Hardcore!
UPDATE IX. Further news from Apostic: “After declaring ‘urban legend,’ I went back to said Cost Plus to double-check. They’re out of Vegemite. A sales clerk told me the FDA put a hold on it a couple of weeks ago. The store wasn’t required to remove it from the shelves, but they won’t be able to get any more for a while.”
UPDATE X. As always, I am loved.
UPDATE XI. Worstall must die.
Vegemite is still available here in France...but I might go and burn a Renault anyway.
Posted by Villeurbanne on 2006 10 22 at 09:04 AM • permalinkNo doubt because it’s coloured.
If only they could see past colour and odour and appreciate the goodness within.
I have a dream....
Posted by eraserhead on 2006 10 22 at 09:11 AM • permalinkProbably a retaliatory act for the rumored banning of grits down under, and the whole folate thing is sort of like nabbing Capone on his taxes.
As far as it goes, Marmite is still available, so I still have the opportunity to not buy it.
Posted by Wind Rider on 2006 10 22 at 09:31 AM • permalinkWell, I for one am glad our Homeland Security team is on the ball on preventing dangerous substances from entering our country! God only knows what would happen if Americans got their hands on Vegemite. They might even start drinking beer! ::shudder::
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 10 22 at 09:38 AM • permalinkNewsweek is reporting that a jar of Vegemite has been found in a toilet in Gitmo.
Jihad, Jihad, Jihad. Oi! Oi! Oi!
Posted by Villeurbanne on 2006 10 22 at 09:45 AM • permalinkAiieeeyyyyyyyyyyyyye. Why was I just now chased down a street by a mob of malevolent Aussies? And my Passat that I parked on the street to save a $5 parking fee? Burned to a crisp! What did I do to deserve this mistreatment?
I so hope my auto insurance policy covers this. Damn, why isn’t my insurance agent from Prudential Auto Coverage Only answering his phone? PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE!!!
Posted by wronwright on 2006 10 22 at 10:12 AM • permalinkVaginamite.Banned.By.The.USA - Not good enough George.
Bring the troops home
Posted by Whale Spinor on 2006 10 22 at 10:16 AM • permalinkIn other regulatory news, Jules Crittenden slams the military’s dumb response to milbloggers.
Yes, but he didn’t include one quote from Ali, Farouk, or Achmed. So I say it’s junk.
Stop silencing the Trio from Araby!
Posted by wronwright on 2006 10 22 at 10:20 AM • permalinkWhen something good is happening in the military, you can rely on someone high up and behind the lines to try to kill it. Slowly. Bureaucratically. Bleed the life out of it.
And they will get an award for doing so. Count on it.
Idiots.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 10 22 at 10:52 AM • permalinkOh great. I suppose now I’ll have gangs of boys dressed in khaki shorts and workboots hanging out on my street corner, pushing illegal jars of smelly spreadables to necktied men in Volvos. The administration will appoint a Vegemite Czar and spend millions on some Butter Not Yeast program. Then they’ll coordinate some kind of deal with the Australian government to spray the vegemite fields and put all those poor, hardworking vegemideen out of business, and who’ll get the blame? George Bush, that’s who.
“Newsweek is reporting that a jar of Vegemite has been found in a toilet in Gitmo.”
Isn’t that where it comes from?#14 Yes. Black as hell and thick as grass!
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 10 22 at 11:32 AM • permalinkNot to worry, mates!
I have arranged for Our Neighbor To The South to mobilize an army of those seeking a
better lifepiece of the action, who will smuggle it in on their backs along with the cocaine.Of course the price will jump a bit....
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2006 10 22 at 11:35 AM • permalinkHmmmmm.
Bush can’t stop millions of illegal aliens from entering America but he can stop a single container of Vegemite?
...
I might vote Republican this election after all!
:) j/k
Posted by memomachine on 2006 10 22 at 11:44 AM • permalinkUPDATE. In other regulatory news, Jules Crittenden slams the military’s dumb response to milbloggers.
LtC Barry Johnson has probably done more damage to the war effort than all the barking moonbats of “Not In Our Name” or “International A.N.S.W.E.R.” or any of their idiot shills in the Democratic Party could ever hope for.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 10 22 at 11:50 AM • permalinkWell, crittenden, to whom can we protest this milblogger upcoming ban?
I suggest
The White House.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 10 22 at 12:20 PM • permalinkThere’s nothing on the FDA, Dept of Agriculture, or US Customs websites about Vegemite being banned. There are a couple of British companies that aren’t allowed to sell commercially in the US until they comply with labeled ingredient information or similar nitpicky stuff, but no ban on Vegemite. There’s also no ban on the addition of folates or folic acid to any foods, from what I can see from a search of the FDA. A google search for banned vegemite only turns up this one single story or repetitions thereof. I suspect we’ve got another case of a journalist simply making shit up, and the rest of the press getting hysterical about it. Suggested punishment: Force him to eat a plastic turkey smeared with banned vegemite, with a flushed koran side dish.
Next time I pop over the border to go diving, I’ll smuggle a bottle of marmite in with me :-)
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2006 10 22 at 01:10 PM • permalinkHow do you eat vegimite. Do you
a) Put butter on the toast first
b) Put the vegimite directly on the toast
c) Dip finger into the jar and suck off a dollop.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2006 10 22 at 01:17 PM • permalinkNext time Australia does something to outrage Amerikkka, I’ll rouse up a mob and we’ll torch a Holden. Anyone know where I can find a Holden in the United States?
(might have to use a Renault and stick a label on it that says HOLDEN, nobody will notice anyway)
Posted by wronwright on 2006 10 22 at 01:30 PM • permalinkTim,
Thanks for the mention! I had tears rolling down my face by the time I found my place in the “VERY” line-up.I’ve always wanted to try Vegemite… and now the one friend I could have counted on Down Under can’t send any to me because it would make both of us criminals.
I vote Republican, but damn! when the Food and Drug Administration is afraid of a bit of folic acid… sheesh! The world is going nuts-er by the hour.
God bless you! Fun blog!
Let me see here. The US government bans Vegemite because it’s basically foul, nasty shit. But it allows Budweiser to be sold damn near everywhere??!!??!! That’s definitely a head-scratcher.
Posted by David Crawford on 2006 10 22 at 01:31 PM • permalink#39 - Wimpy
We all have favourite preparation. As an almost daily consumer for around 60 years I now prefer to let the toast stand in a toast rack for a couple of minutes. It is then crunchy and the large dollop of full cream butter does not melt but combines in a black and gold swirl when the Vegemite is applied.
Enjoy with a side dish of cherry tomatoes and a mug of steaming Irish breakfast tea.
Let me see here. The US government bans Vegemite because it’s basically foul, nasty shit. But it allows Budweiser to be sold damn near everywhere??!!??!! That’s definitely a head-scratcher.
David, I very much LOL.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 10 22 at 02:29 PM • permalink“Vegemite is sold in supermarkets here (I am an ex-pat Austrian living in Redmond, Wash., USA). Admittedly, the FDA has reason for concern—the stuff reminds me of toxic sludge—but as of August, Vegemite and Marmite are foods and freely sold at Larry’s and other places. If the supermarket can find a buyer, that is.”
Quiet, you! Larrys is one of the few decent places to shop around here, and now it’s probably going to get MOABed. Thanks a lot.
#40 Wronwright:
"Anyone know where I can find a Holden in the United States?
Well, if you are really inclined that way, you can start with a Pontiac GTO or two.....
Wimpy Canadian @ #39:
How do you eat vegimite. Do you
a) Put butter on the toast first
b) Put the vegimite directly on the toast
c) Dip finger into the jar and suck off a dollop.
The answer is c).1. Put bread in toaster.
2. Lovingly unscrew top of vegemite jar.
3. Inhale deeply; retrieve memories of many amorous adventures involving Vegemite.
4. When bread pops out of toaster, feed to dog.
5. Stick finger into jar of Vegemite get big scoop and eat neat.Bliss.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 10 22 at 04:35 PM • permalinkThis sounds similar to the lutefish story. Norwegian immigrants tried to import their beloved lutefish. Customs asks them what is lutefish? “It is white fish fermented in lye.” Low-level customs guy smells it and calls it shit and bans it.
The immigrants, pining for their lutefish start to produce it in the US and eventually are eating more of vile crap than the natives ever did in Norway.
I expect the Aussie immigrants to start brewing their own in basement stills.
An obvious conspiracy by the US beer-brewing cartel, looking for a way to get rid of their huge oversupply of vat sludge by foisting it on the unsuspecting American public as an all-natural, “as seen on TV” food additive and wary of the established antipodean competition.
Clever bastards, those yanks.
Instant urban legend. Recently saw tubes and jars at a local Cost Plus in San Diego. Kiwi mother-in-law brings the stuff whenever she visits. Plenty of places online seem to have no problem with shipping to US addresses. I suspect one of the journalists in the original story was trying to carry a tube in hand luggage while gels and such were banned. (You can see the current stipulations at the TSA website.)
See the recent revision history of Vegemite article in Wikipedia. Somebody wanna call Snopes?
Mmmmm. Vegemite.
When I was a kid, my mum even made us vegemite soup.
This consisted of a couple of spoonsful of the stuff dissolved into boiling water, which you could either drink straight, or dip your bread and butter into.
As for toast and veg? Well I like my toast soggy, so I butter it as soon as it pops up, then lightly spread the vegemite so that you get a wonderful savoury taste of the stuff.
And sangas? Fresh baked bread, lots of butter, and, yup, gotta have the vegemite.
I will fess up to not liking my vegemite spread thickly, like most people do, but I’ll put that down to my American heritage.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 10 22 at 05:50 PM • permalinkInhale deeply; retrieve memories of many amorous adventures involving Vegemite.
My God! It’s worse than I thought—use of this substance can lead to unrestrained amorous activity!!!
We must stop this scourge. Will no one think of the children???!!!????
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 10 22 at 06:20 PM • permalink(Though, um, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure I want to know what an “amorous adventure involving Vegemite” is… Ew.)
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 10 22 at 06:21 PM • permalinkVegemite. Marmite, why not, I mean, it isn’t as if the beach head isn’t already made, what with all the Outback’s dotting the landscape like so many Aussie mini-mosques!
Heh.
Posted by Wind Rider on 2006 10 22 at 07:05 PM • permalinkWe are happy little Vegemites as bright as bright can be,
We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea,
Our mummy says we’re growing stronger every single week,
Because we love our Vegemite,
We all adore our Vegemite,It puts a rose in every cheek!
Yea, right, Fucking as if. I thought that Madison Avenue had the patent on inane product jingles and then here comes this inspired ditty fron down under. We are humbled and now we must nuke you.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 10 22 at 07:39 PM • permalinkI call on all Australians to prepare their hover vehicles for an unprecedented demonstration of intense hover-ification.
Those yankees won’t last long before they back down.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 10 22 at 07:45 PM • permalinkCalling all Australians - the time has come to hover like you have never hovered before.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 10 22 at 08:02 PM • permalinkI hereby volunteer for a martyrdom operation against the vegemite apostates of the Great Satan. The Vegemite sold in the US is not the true Vegemite, and all American satans and their whores must consume true Australian Vegemite daily. Untill this happens, and Vegemite is sevred in the white house, all infidel American dogs must leave the land of Vegemite or die a thousand deaths!
There is no breakfast spread but Vegemite and toast is its best accompaniment. VEGEMITE ACKBHAR!!!!
It is now time to go on a rape and pillage tour of America. It’s not that the Vegemite issue is really upsetting me it’s just I’ve been really bored of late and I’m looking for something to do.
Maybe I could organise a utemuster in one of the blue states. A lot of Vegemite can be hidden in a ute tray and it will be hard to it find under all that beer.
It’s worse than we thought. I just bought a dime bag of what I was promised was “100%, A grade, Outback pure shit!” I get home, rack up a line of toast and find it’s been cut with Promite.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 10 22 at 08:45 PM • permalinkWhat the hell is vegemite? Is it made from spinach?
Posted by Spectre765 on 2006 10 22 at 08:49 PM • permalinkWhen you brew beer, there’s lots of black shit left on the inside of the brewing vessel. Aussies scrape this stuff off, add heaps of salt to it, and spread it on their toast. That’s vegemite.
Posted by Oafish and Infantile on 2006 10 22 at 09:00 PM • permalinkAussies scrape this stuff off, add heaps of salt to it, and spread it on their toast.
Umh, why?
Posted by David Crawford on 2006 10 22 at 09:11 PM • permalinkHmmmm.
1. I’ve homebrewed a lot of beer in my life and I cannot imagine why anybody would eat the used up yeast from fermenting beer.
2. I’m ethnically Korean and was raised in a mostly Korean home, food wise, and so I’ve been forced to eat crap that would make your hair stand on end. And I’d definitely balk at Vegemite.
3. God bless you Aussies. Anybody who’d willingly eat stuff like that has had a tougher childhood than I have.
*salute*!
Posted by memomachine on 2006 10 22 at 09:29 PM • permalink#20 -it wouldn’t need much training, as Vegemite looks like and smells like poo, an item of great interest to dishlickers.
I can’t stand the vile shit, but Promite is OK to reduce some of the more virulent brain damage from too much piss.
Vegemite was the vector of a jolly jape when I was an imp at college however- the dunny seats were all black, so we’d swipe a jar from the dining room and smear it liberally on the top of the seat- a victim would plop down to back one out, and find they’d sat in what appeared to be a layer of really nasty number 2- what a wheeze!
Another fave was to swipe some cling wrap, and stretch it out below the toilet seat, with enough droop so the victim wouldn’t notice it until they had many happy returns.
Shitter sabotage is a disturbingly rewarding past-time.
#77 We also put beetroot in our burgers and eggs on our pizza’s. Do not question our rich cultural heritage or we will cover you in vegemite, place you in ants nest and then post video on youtube.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 10 22 at 10:27 PM • permalink#83, Infidel Tiger:
Do not question our rich cultural heritage or we will cover you in vegemite, place you in ants nest and then post video on youtube.
Oh yeah!!??!! Well, you just try it Mister! Our fine and loyal citizens will organize protests and overwhelm you with support if you even consider such actions against us!!
You Americans have technology, but no will to use it! We are new stronghorse with extra shiny sheriff badge.
As we talk our sleeper cells cunningly disguised as Outback themed restaurants are silently destroying foul American cuisine. Before you know it you will be waking to toast with vegemite, lunching with burger while beetroot drips on to freshly ironed white shirt and then dining with pepperoni pizza with fried egg in middle. Revert to the Australian flavour or die!
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 10 22 at 10:44 PM • permalinkVegemite looks like the product of a rusty sheriffs badge.
#64 Joe.. Aaah the power of advertising.
That jingle has got to be damned near 50 years old.
So it’s finally made it’s way over the pond, eh?
HA! Suffer in your jocks!!
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 10 23 at 12:04 AM • permalinkAha! So that where that Vegemite covered Gnome I found staring up at me from the dunny came from!
Habeeeeeb!
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 10 23 at 12:07 AM • permalinkUmmm.....I don’t think they’re the sort of folks you want to annoy with jingles involving aeroplanes and jelly.
51. Instant urban legend. Recently saw tubes and jars at a local Cost Plus in San Diego.
Well, shoot.
After declaring “urban legend,” I went back to said Cost Plus to double-check. They’re out of Vegemite. A sales clerk told me the FDA put a hold on it a couple of weeks ago. The store wasn’t required to remove it from the shelves, but they won’t be able to get any more for a while.
FDA website doesn’t seem to have much on the matter. Their Office of Regulatory Affairs has a website where one can find information for why certain products were refused, but the most recent entry regarding Vegemite was from last February. See here for some detail back then. Not seeing any announcement at their website regarding the recent refusal.
OK, no Vegimite. However, I did note the store had plenty of UK Marmite. Since I now have to eat my words, I considered buying a jar to spread over my earlier post.
This is ridiculaous, a thin end of the wedge attack on all toasty spread-based lip-licking enjoyment.
There now exists bread with folate - it’s next on the banned list, I can see it now!What awful events could be ignited by the united forces of folate-enriched Vegemite toasties?
The mind boggles and, duly exhausted, reaches for a nourishing Vitamin B yeast extract spread of...on a Vitamin B enriched slice of...oh. Maybe peanut butter…
Posted by carpefraise on 2006 10 23 at 02:10 AM • permalinkAhuh. Knew it all along.
Did they really think they could get away with it?
Good thing there are only 300 million of them. Any more and they would have us outnumbered.
Nearly 100 comments and nobody has mentioned Dame Edna’s Vegemite Surprise quiche. The simple recipe requires many heaped teaspoonful dollops of straight Vegemite hidden in the mixture.
Our 15-month old granddaughter prefers her vegemite straight from the spoon. She always eats it first before all the other foods offered to her.
Apparently it is a taste that needs to be acquired young. I used to take 1 lb jars of it to an Oz family living in SFO. They used so much of it because their kids’ American buddies had grown to like it, and it wasn’t available locally in those days.#102 SPyder, with my head gasket the way it is at the moment, my car will be raging and seething without assistance from ‘disadvantaged yoots’.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 10 23 at 07:37 AM • permalinkClearly, this means that the Yanks have managed to exterminate the remaining colonies of drop bears that had infested several parts of the continent north of the Rio Grande. After all, everyone knows that one of the best ways to ward off the fearsome drop bear is to smear a good hunk of vegemite behind each ear.
If they no longer require vegemite, the threat must no longer exist.
Clearly the vampires are still a problem, as I haven’t seen garlic making it onto the prohibited list.
Posted by mr creosote on 2006 10 23 at 07:59 AM • permalink#104, mr creosote:
Funny you should mention garlic. Most of it is grown at a place called Gilroy, California which isnt at all far from “the Bay Area” of San Francisco.
Kinda nifty logistics set up, considering that’s where many of the vampires spawn.
#106, crash:
You might be on to something there. The #1, bestest, most surest way to guarentee something becomes popular in the US is to make it illegal ...or at least “socially unacceptable”.
Maybe there’s been some kind of secret deal over something important between the US and OZ and part of the deal is that we radically increase our purchases of vegemite?
I was going to put this down as an uncorroborated urnam legend, but my spies in North America have reported over the last week or so that Vegemite supplies have been drying up. Shelves are not being re-stocked. So although I’d say “not completely proven”, it’s more likely than not to be true.
From the Boston Globe :
The FDA chose inadequate supplementation for a curious reason. All people, not just pregnant women, are exposed to enriched flour. The agency subscribed to the unproven and theoretical belief that adequate folic acid in elderly people’s diets might unwittingly treat a type of anemia caused by vitamin B12 deficiency. While the anemia of these people might improve, other problems such as dementia and spinal cord problems (that improve only with vitamin B12 and not folate) might continue undetected. The FDA argued that leaving elderly people anemic was critical so that they would at some point—presumably due to symptoms of anemia, such as fatigue or passing out—come to the attention of a doctor and get treated with vitamin B12.
Plainly stated, the FDA chose to allow thousands of babies to be born with deformed spines rather than overcome the superstitions surrounding folic acid. In 1998, the prestigious Institute of Medicine indicated that doses up to 10 times higher than allowed by the supplementation campaign were safe. An article in the New England Journal of Medicine stated that “had [this data] been available earlier, flour might have been fortified at a higher level.” Nevertheless, no change has since been made.
The ban on other foods containing folate appears to be because of this fear that folate masks B12 deficiency in the elderly.
Vegemite is one of the richest sources of B12 there is, so the blanket ban on all foods containing “excess folate” is bureaucratic idiocy at its height.
Worthy of the Australian Passport Office…
Ok kids, just say no to vegemite, mmmkay?
This is your toast. This is your toast on vegemite >WHAP< >Smush< >Grind<
The Surgeon General has determined that the substance known as vegemite is a “gateway” food that will lead to harder and ickier tasting foods. Addiction occurs at the cellular level and once “hooked” a body remains dependent on continued doses of foods and withdrawals are known to be fatal.
Oh, man, I just found out Colin Hay was Scottish!
Posted by Rittenhouse on 2006 10 23 at 11:31 AM • permalinkHmmmm.
Worthy of the Australian Passport Office…
Well we here in the Good Ole US of A seek to compete world-wide at all levels and in all facets of sport and life.
Nice to know we’re in the top spot for the Bugger All Idiot Bureaucracy Awards.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 10 23 at 01:18 PM • permalinkTim,
I might stick up for vegemite - but the shipment you promised me back when I was at Bagram Airfield never made it…
Posted by Major John on 2006 10 23 at 04:10 PM • permalinkBlack, used up yeast from the inside of a beer vat? Ewwwwww… Then again, we eat sea spiders (a.k.a. lobsters) in my neck of the woods, so who am I to judge?
Posted by Spectre765 on 2006 10 23 at 08:26 PM • permalinkI suppose now I’ll have gangs of boys dressed in khaki shorts and workboots hanging out on my street corner, pushing illegal jars of smelly spreadables to necktied men in Volvos.
Then they’ll go to Cronulla Beach and beat themselves up…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 10 23 at 08:41 PM • permalinkFrom a comment by an Aussie Ex-pat on my website:
I was forwarded this yesterday and I looked on the shelves of a new snooty grocery shop, hoping to get a jar of Vegemite before it ran out, and I was greated by only Marmite. I was very sad. The Vegemite was gone.
The Vegemite was gone.
Somehow that is ineffably sad. The Vegemite was gone.
Darn! I just threw away a jar of Vegemite. New Aussie-expat housemate declared he *hated* the stuff.
Posted by Mary in LA on 2006 10 24 at 06:38 PM • permalink
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So I have an item on the banned list in my cupboard?
I think I’ll go fire up the toaster now.