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BALLAD OF THE MEN OF NO APPEARANCE

We’re invisible and shapeless,
Unseen at night or noon
We’re as close as your next-door neighbour’s house
Yet distant as the moon
We’re the Men of No Appearance,
And we’re headed your way soon!

NSW Police have formed a new strikeforce to deal with a three-member No-Appearance Gang wanted over a series of violent robberies. Here’s the police description of our guys:

The first man is described as being of Pacific Islander appearance with dark hair, about 180cm tall with a solid build.

The second man is described as being of Mediterranean / Middle Eastern appearance, about 185cm with a solid build.

The third man is described as being Mediterranean / Middle Eastern appearance, about 180-190cm with a solid build.

Australian Associated Press runs those descriptions. But the ABC alerts its readers only to men with knives:

Officers say all of the thefts have been carried out by two or three men armed with knives ...  In the latest robbery, it is alleged three men armed with knives jumped a store counter, threatened a worker and forced patrons onto the floor at Wentworthville in Sydney’s west.

(Note: traditionally, Men of No Appearance posts are sourced from the Sydney Morning Herald. A little difficult in this case, as the Herald—at least online—seems not to have mentioned it.)

Posted by Tim B. on 10/11/2006 at 12:30 PM
  1. We’re invisible and shapeless,
    Unseen at night or noon
    We’re as close as your next-door neighbour’s house
    Yet distant as the moon
    We’re the Men of No Appearance,
    And we’re headed your way soon!

    You have just described, probably 90% of U.S. Democrats, maybe more.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 10 11 at 12:50 PM • permalink

  2. The first man is described as being of Pacific Islander appearance with dark hair, about 180cm tall with a solid build.

    Samoans!

    Posted by paco on 2006 10 11 at 01:06 PM • permalink

  3. As we subscribe to SMH (my lefty partner adores it)I have been really annoyed with their policy of not describing a certain type

    They happily describe people as Caucasian but never MOMMA ( Men of Middle Eastern or Mediterranean Appearance)

    I was offended as I’m of Caucasian appearance and feel discriminated against

    So I emailed the SMH

    The reply

    The following is in response to your inquiry:
    Thank you for your comments about the article, “Gun pulled on pair outside cinema”.
    In a city such as Sydney, the Herald’s view is that ethnic descriptions are only of much use in helping potential witnesses identify suspects if they are part of a full description, which includes clothing, build, hair colour, distinguishing features and so on. With such a large population in Sydney, a description such as, “the suspects are 175cm tall, clean shaven and of Middle Eastern/Mediterranean appearance”, hardly narrows it down and serves no purpose. In some cases the Herald does publish descriptions of alleged suspects’ ethnicity if police feel that their investigation would be aided by such a report. This is an exception, however, rather than the rule.

    Your ongoing feedback will help us publish a better newspaper.

    When you read the police websites there is ALWAYS a description of ethnicity

    The only good thing in the SMH is the Target Word

    Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 10 11 at 01:08 PM • permalink

  4. Samoans!

    No, no…Hell those are those delicious things the Girl Scouts made and sold.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 10 11 at 01:18 PM • permalink

  5. my lefty partner adores it

    Oh my. You must have a lot of love, fortitude, or the third option, knife fights around your abode…:).

    My guess, is the first.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 10 11 at 01:21 PM • permalink

  6. #5 El Cid

    There is an agreement here NEVER speak about politics because this could end in death for one of us

    As we can’t have guns there are knives and saucepans as weapons

    He gets the SMH - I read the Daily Telegraph (the low brow tabloid according to lefty partner)

    Election time is one of fraught silence and much despair (on his part) and elation on mine when John Howard gets in again and again

    Love it

    Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 10 11 at 01:29 PM • permalink

  7. O/T

    Kofi Can is urging US to act unilaterally and hold one-on-one talks with Norks.  US wants to work through the UN Security Council.  WTF?

    Posted by Son of a Pig and a Monkey on 2006 10 11 at 01:35 PM • permalink

  8. Didn’t the Men Without Appearance do the “Safety Dance”?

    Posted by SoberHT on 2006 10 11 at 01:56 PM • permalink

  9. Anybody want to take my bet that the pilot today was a Man of No Appearance?Plane Crashes into Apt. Bldg.

    Posted by Patricia on 2006 10 11 at 03:56 PM • permalink

  10. #6, aussiemag, I feel your pain.  Mr. H cannot, by any description, be called a moonbat, but he does consider himself a Democrat (the classic, not the modern), therefore he suffers from a mild form of BDS.  Politics is the subject that will not be named in our household.

    #9, Patricia, I am praying not, but the vibes are most unpleasant.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 10 11 at 04:13 PM • permalink

  11. Apparently the pilot was NY Yankee Cory Lidle, and he is dead.  Accident—very sad, but I’m very glad to lose my bet.

    Posted by Patricia on 2006 10 11 at 04:57 PM • permalink

  12. Hmmmm.

    Lately I simply assume that the perp was of “middle eastern appearance” if no dscription is given in the news story.

    Posted by memomachine on 2006 10 11 at 05:06 PM • permalink

  13. Patricia

    The photo gave me chills. Rest in peace.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 10 11 at 05:30 PM • permalink

  14. This is Crap. If these perps are camel jockeys, say so. I’m a white anglo male, with blonde hair, and I am getting fed up with being typecast as an Aryan Waffen SS terrorist. I wish that I could shave of some of my 6"3” hight, and become an anynomous follower of the “five times a day cult”.
    With SMH, do a few jobs, and nobody would know.

    Posted by BJM on 2006 10 11 at 05:36 PM • permalink

  15. Another presbyterian honour killing…

    Mother killed after teen rejects Islam

    Posted by russell2pi on 2006 10 11 at 06:38 PM • permalink

  16. Who cares? Everyone in Sydney knows exactly who is committing these crimes.

    A car jacking in the Eastern suburbs?

    The armed holdup of a family taking a sunday morning walk in Vaucluse Park?

    Shop assistants threatened by men with guns and knives in a series of robberies across Sydney?

    A lone person attacked and robbed by a pack of knife/gun wielding thugs?

    Does the SMH really imagine that by leaving out descriptions, we will think the crimes are being carried out by Australian surfies? Or Chinese accountants?

    Posted by dee on 2006 10 11 at 09:49 PM • permalink

  17. Well said Imraan Hussein..

    Posted by crash on 2006 10 12 at 08:58 AM • permalink

  18. So the SMH, by its own word, only publishes news that it deems “helpful,” cuz really, anyone stupid enough to buy that rag can’t be expected to make such determinations for themselves.

    Posted by localharbor on 2006 10 12 at 04:57 PM • permalink

  19. Kofi Can is urging US to act unilaterally and hold one-on-one talks with Norks.  US wants to work through the UN Security Council.  WTF?

    Neither one wants to wear the blame from the diplomatic failure preceding whatever else happens after that.

    /just a guess

    Posted by localharbor on 2006 10 12 at 05:03 PM • permalink

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