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AVOID BIRTHDAY PARTIES

Continuous school trips, endless birthday parties, numerous visits to the park; why, it’s enough to turn any suburban mother into a crack whore.

Posted by Tim B. on 12/12/2006 at 10:39 AM
  1. Well, she did live in Pembroke Pines. (Note: v. inside South Florida joke.)

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 12 12 at 11:36 AM • permalink

  2. There are two alternative theories that make a tad more sense than little Jennifer’s analysis:

    1) Kim Raffo was a victim of abuse and/or neglect, probably by her father, when she was a child. These women gravitate towards bad men and sabotage relationships with good ones, sacrificing security and stability for drama and chaos.

    2) She lived in Florida.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2006 12 12 at 12:23 PM • permalink

  3. I always thought women who try to be Super Mom have a minor screw loose anyway, but when it comes down to it, Dave S. has pretty much nailed it.  And once you’re on crack, you never go back.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 12 12 at 01:34 PM • permalink

  4. Well, she did live in Pembroke Pines. (Note: v. inside South Florida joke.)

    Thanks for letting me know.  I find 75% of the jokes here are over my head as it is.  Especially the ones MentalFloss does regarding cuneiform vs. hieroglyphics.  I usually laugh anyway though, often while wiping my eyes while saying “yes, yes, so true old boy, so true”.  One of these days he probably get me on a chocolate pie joke.

    Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 12 at 03:46 PM • permalink

  5. Here’s a picture of Ms. Raffo.  Such a sad ending to a woman’s life.

    Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 12 at 03:51 PM • permalink

  6. Huh, I would have guess schizophrenia. Or maybe bi-polar.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2006 12 12 at 03:51 PM • permalink

  7. There lots of interesting articles on Kim Raffo out there- how quickly and how far she fell from grace is an inherently interesting subject.  This was the first one I’ve seen that set the blame on her being secure and having a nice life.  Jennifer’s analysis surprised me. It’s like saying perhaps being fixed hot oatmeal on cold mornings sent Caril Ann Fugate or Karla Homolka off on their sprees.

    Raffo’s husband never did divorce her.

    Posted by Donnah on 2006 12 12 at 03:57 PM • permalink

  8. It is awfully sad. It’s a truism that we never know what tragedies are at play behind closed doors; and like most truisms there is truth to it. We had a bizarre murder case two Christmases ago in Monroe, but I’ll save that for my own silly blog.

    Posted by SoberHT on 2006 12 12 at 04:06 PM • permalink

  9. Tim Tam, Merry Chrissy!

    Posted by 1.618 on 2006 12 12 at 05:32 PM • permalink

  10. From the Cracker’s link:

    “Hers was one of four bodies—all prostitutes—found in the same area. All were barefoot, lying face down, with their heads pointed east towards the strip of casinos. None was sexually assaulted, police said.”

    Hmmm, “heads pointed east..” - could the perp be a member of the RoP™?

    Nah!  “None was sexually assaulted, police said.”

    Just your average crazy MoFo, not an avenger of Uncovered Meat.

    Posted by Kaboom on 2006 12 12 at 09:04 PM • permalink

  11. wronwright:  “So anyway, these two Ashkenazi walked under the idolon, and…”

    Oh, skip it.  You hadda be there.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 12 12 at 09:25 PM • permalink

  12. This was the first one I’ve seen that set the blame on her being secure and having a nice life.  Jennifer’s analysis surprised me. It’s like saying perhaps being fixed hot oatmeal on cold mornings sent Caril Ann Fugate or Karla Homolka off on their sprees.

    Obviously Jennifer is one of those immature “suburbia stifles creativity!” idiots who are unable to appreciate how stable societies enable artists to thrive. We’ve always had “nice girls gone wrong” but this is the first age where “going wrong” is praised as a healthy activity. I’m sure that no one thought it too odd that a mother of young children preferred partying at all hours; they probably (and from the article, did) clucked indulgently over her “second childhood.” I’ll tell you what. During the Eighties, when I was in my twenties I decided to have that “second childhood”—or rather, the fun-party teenagehood I couldn’t have in the Seventies because I hated disco. I didn’t go so far as to do drugs (I hated junkies and wasn’t much interested in “getting high”—or dying) or sleeping around but I did go out to clubs and to concerts and stay up all night listening to music and—you know what? It was a fucking waste of time. There are ten or so years I’ll never get back.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 12 12 at 10:03 PM • permalink

  13. I have lived in a prototypical suburb for more than five years now.  I occasionally pick up the seven-year-old of a friend to bring her home from school.  I’d say probably 75% of all the over-achieving, up-tight mothers I see are crack whores.  They’re just hiding it by spending all that time schlepping little Dakota and little Prescott (remind me again which one is a boy and which one is a girl—and aren’t their parents immigrants from China and Romania?) to gymnastics and dance and theater and voice lessons and advanced physics experiments and historical parks and having parties with 100 guests (with appropriate guest bags, of course).

    Sure.  That’s the explanation.

    Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 12 13 at 01:07 AM • permalink

  14. One of my commenters mentioned the deadly Hollywood-discovered SASH syndrome (Suppressed Angst of the Suburban Housewife), a plot device in many movies.

    Posted by Donnah on 2006 12 13 at 01:44 AM • permalink

  15. I’ve spent the last two weekends going to kids’ birthday parties, a one-year-old’s and a seven-year-old’s (their parents are my co-workers and I felt obligated to go).

    Based on that experience, I’d say the birthday parties may indeed have had something to do with it.

    Posted by Dr Alice on 2006 12 13 at 12:05 PM • permalink

  16. #15 -

    Especially if they were at Chuck E Cheese.

    Posted by Achillea on 2006 12 14 at 01:14 AM • permalink

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