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AUDIENCE WOUNDED
Our old friend Rich Hall scores a generous review from The Age:
Hall requires no time to find his feet. Like an angry terrier at the trouser leg of George W., he sets a blistering pace through which conservative America bears the full force of his anger ...
The tears of joy will stream down your face and your sides will literally split.
With that sort of injury-causing talent, Hall might one day become a big star in the US. Oh, wait ...
UPDATE. Saltydog asks: “What self-respecting terrier would stick to a pants leg when there are copious ropes of intestines to be had?”
To his credit, he DID publish the sniglet some friends of mine sent in: fenderberg, the ice that builds up inside the fenders and behind the wheels of your car on a snowy day.
Not that saves him from being a dickhead has-been.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 18 at 09:46 PM • permalinkDid I miss the explanation as to why our comments are appearing before Tim actually posts this? At least that what the time stamp seems to indicate.
Is this the origin of the Time Machine wronwright is rumored to be using? If so, he should check to make sure it hasn’t gone missing.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 18 at 09:53 PM • permalinkSounds vaguely Islamic
Does Hall’s entourage include large, bald-headed eunuchs carrying scimitars?
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 18 at 10:00 PM • permalinkExpletives and sex. Boy these guys are really cutting edge!
You dumb cxxt! Just as well he didn’t call you a dumb black cxxt or he would have been in big trouble.
Is it ok for a footballer to shout “you white cxxt”?
The reference is to a First Grade footballer losing the club captaincy for calling an Aboriginal opponent a “black cxxt”.
Once again, who the hell is Rich Hall?
Oh yeah, washed up old comic.
Can’t cut it in the U.S. so he has to go overeseas claiming he prefers the “scene” in England.
No Rich, you just suck. I think “Million Dollar Mystery” pretty well proved that.I guess those American comedians that can’t swim with the sharks at home are doomed to “fish” on the BBC.
Posted by Secret Agent X-9 on 2006 04 18 at 10:04 PM • permalinkWait a minute, guys, we might be missing a bet here.
If Hall can really ensure “...your sides will literally split…” we might WANT to invite him back.
Our Dark Master Karl would look with favor on great steaming heaps of burst dead lefties…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 18 at 10:08 PM • permalinkAcolyte McEnroe speaks truth!
Master Karl would surely enjoy to have the “Literal Side-Split Laugh” power to round out his triptych of “Komedy Kill Kredos” which already includes “Gasping Guffaw” and “Nose Shooting Milk of Doom”.
Posted by Secret Agent X-9 on 2006 04 18 at 10:18 PM • permalinkWell, I didn’t think the uninitiated should be made aware of your true rank of “Bishop of the Dark Conservative Arts”
Posted by Secret Agent X-9 on 2006 04 18 at 10:41 PM • permalinkGod, what awful syntax this Age reviewer uses. If Rich Hall is a terrier at George Bush’s trouser leg, how can he simultaneously “set[s] a blistering pace”? Is he dragging George Bush around as he tears up and down the halls of—well, wherever the metaphorical doggie is supposed to be “tearing”? And is the image of a terrier, a smallish sort of dog, dragging about a six-foot human being at all convincing, either humorously or even visually? Just more proof that whatever are the qualifications for being hired to write for most mainstream publications, having a grasp on common English isn’t one of them.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 04 18 at 10:44 PM • permalinkWenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
*thud*
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 18 at 11:11 PM • permalinkIts all there isnt it - every Leftie cliche and nasty little assumption about Those-Who-Dare-to-Disagree. Lucky for Tim that he didnt mention George Bush .. he may have been knocked over and injured in the hurricane of rage..
“Have you ever heard of books?”
Truly uninspired and unoriginal. The old Leftie cliche about Rightwing Rednecks eg, ‘I dont know anyone who voted for John Howard.’
“ass licking sycophant following.”
Ricks ‘following’ are people of discernment and sophisticated wit (who would never dream of licking an ass - except if the ass in question belonged to Whitlam or Keating, of course), but Tim’s following are unfortunately the very same rednecks who voted for JH. They dont read books and they lick asses in their spare time.
“every five and dime gasbag with an axe to grind could spout their bile into the ether.”
A clear hatred of the right of free speech. Of course, Ricks blatherings dont count as ‘bile’.
“And don’t try to dissect comedy when you don’t have a sense of humor”
This person has a sense of humour? He sounds like a rigid little Nazi to me, but in all fairness, I havent caught his act, so perhaps I will try to do so soon. Will I be crying ‘tears of joy’ while my sides split, I wonder?
#24: I believe this pace effect is caused by the rapid shaking of the head. The little doggy has hold of the trouser cuff and, imagining itself to be a beast of the wild, shakes it furiously. Realising this hasn’t garnered any sort of attention from the trouser wearer, he then goes for the the hump, hoping a residual stain will at least remind him of the good old days of Bill.
What self-respecting terrier would stick to a pants leg when there are copious ropes of intestines to be had? Even if he did have trouble finding his feet, he’d still slip and slide his way to stand knee-deep in all those split sides. I mean, we are talking about a terrier here.
I don’t understand. I’ll get me a book to read.
Like an angry terrier at the trouser leg of George W.,...
It doesn’t actually say “biting”, does it? So how do we know that “humping” isn’t what’s being implied?
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 04 18 at 11:50 PM • permalinkDear Mr. Hall,
some folks here write books with whole sentences in them.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 18 at 11:53 PM • permalinkI’m am happy to report that the Tardis is currently locked in my garage guarded by my attack dachsund Yippie. Yippie is also guarding my personal stock of Kurdian beer, circa 3000 BC.
That dodo head who is seeking a time travelling companion purchased a fake Tardis off of Ebay (somewhere in London a police call box has gone missing) for 20 kegs of XXX bitter (wow) and 10 bags of goat treats. Goat treats?
Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 18 at 11:54 PM • permalinkTime is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills most of its its pupils—but not the Kurds, by golly, eh?
I am ever so pleased that the true source of the soi-disant “Mespotamian Mead” has been credited to that brave and persistent folk.
OT of Rich Hall, if you see the 250g Australian Camembert at Safeway reduced for “Quick Sale” to AUD $2.50, I recommend you back away carefully and move on to the red meat. (now, excuse me whilst I laugh at the ground)
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 04 19 at 12:19 AM • permalink#24 - for the last 30 years, Andrea, our education system has been in the hands of fuckwits who think that having something to say is more important than saying it a manner which others will comprehend. Likewise in the US, I daresay.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 04 19 at 12:28 AM • permalinkI saw Rich Hall at the Comedy festival in 2001 (I think) and he was actually very amusing. I haven’t seem him since, and it would be a shame if his talent has descended into cliche “GWB is an idiot” schtick.
Posted by attilathepun on 2006 04 19 at 12:30 AM • permalinkThe Tardis? It has a name now? Eggselent!
The fun I miss when I don’t check in at least daily…
Work is the curse of the blog-surfin’ man.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 19 at 12:34 AM • permalinkRich was a major part of the unfunniest bunch on Saturday Night Live, ever. So, a fourth-rate (okay, okay, I’m generous, so sue me), has-been (or never-was) washed up comedian can make a pretty decent living bashing Bush in every country but the US. Such a deal. Is this a great thing, or what? Imagine how jealous people are in those suckwad countries where you have to do hard labor for a living.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 04 19 at 01:04 AM • permalinkI worked stand-up for several years when I was in college. I was fortunate to work with some great comedians, Drew Carey (great guy), Emo Phillips (funny but odd). Rich Hall was without a doubt the most condescending, egotistical jerk that I have ever met. I don’t know if he was angry that his career was going so bad that he was playing at a crappy little club like ours or what, but he was rude to the wait-staff and anyone else he came in contact with. His career was way past its prime and that was 20 years ago. What a jerk….
Mojo
That Melbourne Comedy Festival sure attracts the big lasagnas in the world of guffaws, sniggers, chuckles and titters, and it’s nice to see variety in the talent- Rich has only been appearing there for the last twenty years doing the exact same schtck, while humour-deprived leftists squirm uncomfortably in their seats, waiting for a cue to laugh like drains and prove to their equally dull comrades how with-it and hip they are.
Just as well re-animation isn’t viable yet- they’d dig up bloody Woody guthrie and give him a few volts to play the filler set.
What do you reckon the chances are of the ponces who organise this borefest of bolshie blowhards ever booking someone who’s actually funny andcurrent like Chubby?
BTW- fly on Jetstar in the future- I heard an item on ABC radio where Richie was slagging them off for charging him excess baggage when he was returning from Townsville- he whined to the counter-jumper that I had the same amount of shit when I flew up and didn’t get charged for it, goddammit!
The check-in person’s reply? We can fix that sir- I’ll charge you for the trip up as well.
Funniest thing that emaciated ugly fucktoad has been involved with since he hatched.
Part of The Age’s coverage is this article by John Harms. Or maybe I shouldn’t say article, I should just say ‘blatant plug for Hall’s play’.
I remember reading an article by John Harms a while ago in The Monthly. He was castigating that great little magazine Vice that you can find around Melbourne, Sydney, and I guess most parts of the UK and America. His criticism seemed to boil down to this: it was turning people to the right-wing.
Well, boo hoo.
You worked with Emo Phillips, Mojotrain?
Lucky bastard…Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 04 19 at 02:46 AM • permalink#47- And that’s on Rove Live, when the cretins in the audience bray like mules on methamphetemine at every inane utterance from the host, his obese idiot offsider and whichever grotesque fat slapper from FM radio they have on- bloody hell, I reckon Bob Brown could get a giggle out of those morons.
Mind you, plonk him in front of the Glass House menagerie of mindless marxists and they’d be hooting and clapping like billy-o quicker than you can say “George Bush is a stupid draft-dodging nazi”.
And John Howard is short.
#35 Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills most of its its pupils—but not the Kurds, by golly, eh? I am ever so pleased that the true source of the soi-disant “Mespotamian Mead” has been credited to that brave and persistent folk.
Mead is not beer. It is an alcoholic beverage made out of honey and is estimated to be possibly the oldest alcoholic beverage, older than wine even.
Now if one had access to a time machine (chuckles), one could bring back either Sumerian mead (yum), Akkadian mead (oooo), Kurdish beer (mmmmmm), or Egyptian beer (nods in an appreciative manner).
If one doesn’t have a time machine, well, there’s always Olde Milwaukee. It’s cheap and, well, most of you probably wouldn’t notice a difference.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 19 at 06:04 AM • permalinkI have a vague recollection of going into a supermarket in the US and seeing Old Milwaukee 6 packs for sale cheaper than water, Coke or any other drink in the shop.
YES!
If you are wondering why its a vague recollection, read the first paragraph again.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 04 19 at 07:35 AM • permalinkDidn’t Rich Hall spend years specialising in doing a pretty ordinary Richard Nixon “I am not a crook” shtick?
Posted by Oafish and Infantile on 2006 04 19 at 07:39 AM • permalinkHall must have Gary Busey’s agent.
Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2006 04 19 at 09:14 AM • permalinkHabib — based on the lefty alleged musicians at the march in Studio City every week, only two folks songs were ever written — This Train is Bound for Glory and This Land is Your Land. But they only work if you play them over and over and over…
Woody Guthrie can burn in Red Hell.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 19 at 09:17 AM • permalinkMojotrain — So he was basically Richard Belzer, the Early Years.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 19 at 09:19 AM • permalinkO&I:
Didn’t Rich Hall spend years specialising in doing a pretty ordinary Richard Nixon “I am not a crook” shtick?
No, that’s Rich Little.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 04 19 at 09:44 AM • permalinkLast fall at Disneyworld, they had their annual Food and Wine Festival. One of the booths featured food and wine from Poland, and they had a mead available. Tasted like honey, with a good kick. I loved it, until I found the bottles on sale and read the ingredients. They used grape juice and honey flavoring.
*sigh*
Good mead *is* possible. Back in my college days I made a batch of strawberry mead that was unbelievable.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 04 19 at 09:54 AM • permalinkDidn’t Wronwright do some intensive terrier training last year? I mean, I know he screws up a lot, but maybe this time he was successful in getting the terriers to ignore guts in favor of pants legs.
BTW-I’m working on gathering the opiates that underdarklord McEnroe requested, but so far I have only been able to get some Toradol. I had to leave my Morphine syretes in the desert and the narc cabinet is always locked. Per his supreme advice I am keeping Wronwight away from my HMMWV, but I am wondering if he can be trusted to brasso my medals. Please advise o’ great and sinister one.
So, a fourth-rate (okay, okay, I’m generous, so sue me), has-been (or never-was) washed up comedian can make a pretty decent living bashing Bush in every country but the US. Such a deal. Is this a great thing, or what?
Unfortunately for Rich, it’s back to sniffing glue for him in January 2009.
Forget lefties’ heads exploding when Bush was reelected, just wait for when he isn’t. It’ll be a bigger case of PEST than in 2004.
So, Rich Hall is one of those annoying little yappy dogs who jump all over anyone who comes to visit. Then the host locks them in the laundry room so that a civilized, adult, conversation can be had.
Alternatively, the guest drop kicks the mutt.
That’s a great review! It describes the situation perfectly.
It was Not Necessarily the News and his Sniglets routines that put him on the map. It seems he faded pretty quick after that gig was over, because he wasn’t really all that funny.
Posted by Bashir Gemayel on 2006 04 19 at 11:44 AM • permalink#64 Good mead is really pretty simple, it just takes lots of time. My first one, I almost threw out; it didn’t get good for a little over 2 years. Now, if wronwright will just let me use the Tardis, I can go make it in the past, and it’ll be ready in the morning.—Posted by scatcat
Good grief. Does everyone think I’m running a Rent-a-Tardis? This is a very rare tremendously advanced piece of alien technology originally discovered underneath the Solomon’s Temple ruins by our Knights Templar chapter in 1098. We don’t lend it out and certainly not to mendacious minions like scatcat. And for certain we don’t lend it out so scatcat can make a nicer brand of home brew.
(takes one whole minute to walk around, gesticulating, and scoffing in a somewhat condescending manner)
And even if I did think that obtaining a better flavor of mead was a good use of the Tardis (shifts uncomfortably in metal space station chair), I wouldn’t lend it to scatcat. I would simply go back to the reign of Sargon the Great and steal his. I’ve done it before.
(relives memory of that last heist, visibly cringes and utters a barely audible whimper)
Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 19 at 03:21 PM • permalinkNo. They found a “box”, roughly rectangular in shape. Later on we needed to disguise it, so it was Lord Kitchener’s decision to have it made to look like ...
Hold on. Why am I explaining this? This is FOR HENCHMEN’S EYES OR HIGHER ONLY!!!
Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 19 at 05:53 PM • permalinkAbout 4500 years ago, clay tablets record the appearance of roughly rectangular box in the heartland of the native empire of the Qutils, who were among the Hurrian, Palaeo-Caucasic ancestors of the modern Kurds before their Arianization by immigrating Indo-European tribes: Medes, Sagarthians and Scytho-Alans.
Led by a wild-eyed, gesticualting giant (as compared to the relatively short statured indigenes), babbling in a maniacal vowel-rich language, Qutil military might soon expanded from their capital of Aratta and the Kurdish mountains to subdue every neighboring region including Sumeria and Akkadia.
Recent archaeological evidence alluding to the above only reinforces this historical anomaly. For a fact, the beer and wine discovered at Godin date from the precise time period of the Qutil takeover of Sumeria and could have been introduced by the group which gave rise to Enmerkar in Sumeria. Indirect Sumerian evidence from seal markings depicting people drinking beer through straws from a common vat post-dates the Qutil dynasty of that land.
It is belived that the concept of drinking alcohol through a straw spawned the science of hydraulics which permitted the subsequent rise of the the Water-Empires of Mesopotamia.
(The above is released from archival material WITHOUT the express permission of the Rovian Council.)
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 04 19 at 06:32 PM • permalink73, Mental Floss,
I am impressed as all get out. Well done! Wow, he even brought in the Hurrians.72, Wronwright,
I was just asking because, well, obviously a British telephone booth…, nuff said.
But I’m also interested in those Knights Templar guys you alluded to, considering the fact that the Templars weren’t founded until 1112 AD! So you can see my problem.Now I get the idea that you head up these so-called Henchmen, etc., of which I am not one, and if they are satisfied that you know what you are doing, then it’s no skin off my backside. As a (long retired) nurse, however, I have to wonder if you are suffering from some form of time-travel sickness, or something. Like constipation, it could be a cause of irritability. I’m just sayin’....
No. It’s a case of a henchman, an exalted lord protector of the realm, being asked to lend out the Tardis to a (fill in the blank with the title of your lowly status). That and the fact that lately the Tardis has been borrowed without permission by Stoop Davy Dave and his goatlike cohorts so they can joyride through the Roman Age, the Renaissance, and so on, spreading their ideas of civil disobedience among the domesticated animals and livestock of past ages. Which requires me to chase him around and try to repair the damage before a ripple effect tears apart our present world and stuff like that. ~sigh~
And as far as the Knights Templar are concerned, the order was founded around 1119 by French nobleman Hughes de Payens, a veteran of the First Crusade. He gathered eight of his knight relatives, their stated mission to protect pilgrims in the Holy Land. King Baldwin II of Jerusalem gave them a headquarters on the Temple Mount, above what was believed to be the ruins of the Temple of Solomon. It was from this location that the Order took its name of Templar.
But we’ve been around well before 1119. I can’t say when exactly but let’s just say Ut-Napishtim was a knight helmet shiner upper.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 19 at 09:37 PM • permalinkMentalfloss,
I was NOT babbling. I was screaming to get the hell out of my way while I scrammed for the Tardis with a push wagon filled with kegs of Kurdish beer. Those guards were big and did not appreciate the loss of kegs of beer. Believe you me.
Oh you wouldn’t understand. Have you time travelled back to 3000 BC Mesopotamia? Hmm hmmm. I didn’t think so.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 19 at 09:42 PM • permalinkSo it was YOU who sent Shamhat to that watering hole to subdue my pal Enkidu with her womanly charms?
Curse the harlot for civilizing him! When he died, I waited until after a maggot fell out of his nose before I buried him.
T’was his death and decomposition that set my feet upon the quest for the undying one you speak of.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 04 19 at 09:51 PM • permalinkIt is not back but rather forward that I have travelled, post-deluvian meddler!
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 04 19 at 09:53 PM • permalinkwronwright — “Hide me, pal! HIIIIIDE Me!” is not a battle cry, I don’t care how often the little black duck on your family crest shouted it…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 19 at 11:40 PM • permalinkwronwright — I further note that all these allusions to getting your helmet polished verge perilously close to violating the “don’t as, don’t tell” policy…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 19 at 11:42 PM • permalink77 GilgaFloss
Curse the harlot for civilizing him! When he died, I waited until after a maggot fell out of his nose before I buried him.
Gil? Zatchoo, bwah?
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 04 21 at 11:34 AM • permalink
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The only time I ever liked Rich Hall was when I saw him on a BBC panel quiz show expressing genuine puzzlement that Rocking Robin is considered a Christmas song in Britain.