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ARE YOU AUSTRALIAN?

Take the quiz.

Posted by Tim B. on 09/03/2005 at 01:03 PM
  1. You got 16 answers right.
    You got 4 answers wrong.

    You’ll be apples! Well… nearly anyway.
    You will communicate fairly effectively with the native population, but they will still mutter “bloody yank” when you walk out of the pub.

    Oh well!

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 09 03 at 02:16 PM • permalink

  2. I like how it explains our gibberish afterwards :p

    Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 09 03 at 02:26 PM • permalink

  3. Score 17-3, but still a “bloody yank”. More of a Florida Cracker, actually.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2005 09 03 at 02:26 PM • permalink

  4. 13 right, 7 wrong:

    You’re a battler. Not much of a one, mind… but getting there.
    You will have no trouble getting around, and understanding most things that are said to you. However avoid RSL clubs and old peoples homes, the nuances are lost on you.


    Oh, well.  Back to the books…..or would that be the pub?  ;-P

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 03 at 03:20 PM • permalink

  5. Yeah, I scored the same as The Real Jeffs. Pleasant surprise, that.

    Posted by paco on 2005 09 03 at 03:42 PM • permalink

  6. I got only one wrong.  Not surprising:  I live in England, I was unemployed for a long time, therefore I’ve seen lots of Aussie soap operas.

    Posted by jic on 2005 09 03 at 04:01 PM • permalink

  7. You got 15 answers right.
    You got 5 answers wrong.

    You’ll be apples! Well… nearly anyway.
    You will communicate fairly effectively with the native population, but they will still mutter “bloody yank” when you walk out of the pub.

    Better than I expected… purely guesses for about half of them, though.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 09 03 at 04:09 PM • permalink

  8. Count me in with JeffS, too.  I’m surprised, since I was ... what’s Aussie for ‘guessing like mad?’

    Posted by Achillea on 2005 09 03 at 04:54 PM • permalink

  9. 17 right.. I call bullshit on this quiz though thats definately a NSW based one.

    South Oz Australian is a different dialect again. And they speak different in Queensland too.

    But then Queenslanders are… well, different!

    Posted by Scott W on 2005 09 03 at 05:11 PM • permalink

  10. Well, as a Queenslander, this was my result:

    You got 20 answers right.
    You got 0 answers wrong.
    You’re a bottler, mate!
    You are a fair dinkum, ridgy didge, dinky die, true blue, dyed-in-the-wool Ocker-like strine speaker. Well bugger me, you could probably even play a didgeridoo and know the proper way to twirl a billy. Goodonya. Get us another stubbie while you’re up, will ya… and have one yourself while you’re at it!

    Posted by Kaboom on 2005 09 03 at 05:33 PM • permalink

  11. Yeah, I only got one wrong. It’s that Queenslander thing again. Queenslanders are truly the most Australian of Australians, and if you disagree you can go suck on someone’s sav.

    “You’re a little ripper!
    You have a near perfect grasp of the colourful gab and can probably make yourself understood in most social occasions, such as Gazza’s weekly Barbie… but I bet you can’t throw a boomerang!”

    Methinks these lads (true-blue bonza blokes) have been watching the Barry McKenzie films.

    Posted by Major Anya on 2005 09 03 at 06:16 PM • permalink

  12. Like my mate Jeff, I’m just a battler.

    Fortunately, I know what THAT part means at least.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2005 09 03 at 06:16 PM • permalink

  13. Despite Nicky’s external refinement as a gentleman, he too scored 20 out of 20, old chaps!

    As a Sheila I scored a respectable 19 out of 20.

    And yes Kaboom and Darlene, I think it is a Queensland thing. However, Nick asserts that the person who speaks English (or rather Australian) as a second language is often apt to be more precise than the native speaker.

    This is code for Nick was once a Pommy bastard.

    —Nora

    Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 09 03 at 06:36 PM • permalink

  14. Well, as one of the resident bonza sheilas, I got 20 out of 20. Mind you, I tend to use a few of the phrases on a regular basis.

    I do prefer ‘fair suck of the sauce bottle’ to ‘fair suck of the sav’, but that’s a victorian thing, I guess.

    It’s like the difference between scallops and potato cakes, or cossies and togs.

    And let’s not even think of going for pots, middies or schooners. I’ll have a Darwin stubby, mate, ta.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 09 03 at 06:51 PM • permalink

  15. Gamer: I like how it explains our gibberish afterwards

    Well, not quite—wanting to match up the q with the a, I had to go back and forth between pages, fixing my selections until I could tell what was what.

    I’ve been advised that I should stay at the Hilton, (quite flattering), and eat at McDonalds (a reward of some kind?).

    Posted by zeppenwolf on 2005 09 03 at 07:12 PM • permalink

  16. TimB got 9.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 09 03 at 07:17 PM • permalink

  17. I got 15 right.
    I don’t know if I believe it’s an Aussie doing it. Everytime an Aussie has called me “Bloody Yank” they haven’t muttered it as I left, they’ve called me that in toasts after about the first 4 or 5 shots.

    Posted by Veeshir on 2005 09 03 at 08:18 PM • permalink

  18. You got 17 answers right.
    You got 3 answers wrong.

    Should I be afraid?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 09 03 at 08:39 PM • permalink

  19. Tim,

    17!

    Hmmmm.

    Must be a result of all the time I spent with that wonderful woman from Adelaide.

    Sigh.

    Posted by MeTooThen on 2005 09 03 at 08:58 PM • permalink

  20. You got 20 answers right.
    You got 0 answers wrong.
    You’re a bottler, mate!
    You are a fair dinkum, ridgy didge, dinky die, true blue, dyed-in-the-wool Ocker-like strine speaker. Well bugger me, you could probably even play a didgeridoo and know the proper way to twirl a billy. Goodonya. Get us another stubbie while you’re up, will ya… and have one yourself while you’re at it!

    Indeed I will :)

    Posted by RhikoR on 2005 09 03 at 09:02 PM • permalink

  21. 20 right…ridgy didge!!!! Bewdy boddler…
    Ooroo, youse blokes.
    11B

    Posted by 11BRAVO on 2005 09 03 at 09:27 PM • permalink

  22. Good Job, 11Bravo.  When Halliburton finishes taking over Australia, you can get work as a translator…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 09 03 at 09:34 PM • permalink

  23. You got 12 answers right.
    You got 8 answers wrong.
    You’re a bit of a galah with the lingo.
    ...and you have a long way to go still, until you’ll be able to understand directions to get to the nearest public dunny.

    I suppose I’d get “bunged” in Australia.

    But, hey, I’m from a red state, so that’s just part of why I’m not enlightened. (OK, technically Illinois is blue, but that’s just because the asshole of Illinois is blue!)

    BTW, what the heck is a “dunny”?

    Posted by rinardman on 2005 09 03 at 09:55 PM • permalink

  24. A dunny, mate, is a crapper. Shit can. Thunderbox.

    #14 Don’t come the raw prawn with me love, a chick who knows her strine is about as right as a chook with it’s head off, I’ll give you the drum.

    For those of youse with no frickin’ clue about what that was, try over ‘ere. You’ll be good to go, fair dinkum.

    Posted by CB on 2005 09 03 at 10:16 PM • permalink

  25. 20 out of 20 for me too. It just proves what I’ve long believed - Queenslanders and Victorians are generally a few stubbies short of a slab.

    Posted by Harold on 2005 09 03 at 10:25 PM • permalink

  26. Thanks, CB. An outhouse, then!

    Posted by rinardman on 2005 09 03 at 10:29 PM • permalink

  27. I’m with spiny; 15-5

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 09 03 at 10:39 PM • permalink

  28. Nora – over on the other site they are calling you an “emissary”, and they’re still in search of “proof” that Tim is oblivious to the nature of the Kingston blogspot site.  Refer post by Jacob.A.Stam.

    Others are expressing concern that Marg0 will starve to death (are they SERIOUS; they bought the “penniless” and “begging” thing?!), and they even seem to believe this would be a self-defeating outcome.

    I have no concerns along these lines, as I think she will to be kept fat and happy on her endless supply of hubris.  Come on – any person who, when seeing the pronoun “we”, in any context, genuinely believes that it could ONLY refer to her and her acolytes is suffering from an overdose of hubris, among other things. Demanding “real” names in her unreal universe is the least of her problems.

    Posted by Ck on 2005 09 03 at 10:54 PM • permalink

  29. Very sorry - wrong thread.

    Posted by Ck on 2005 09 03 at 10:54 PM • permalink

  30. Mr. Bingley

    I’m with spiny; 15-5

    Yes, but did you just guess and go with what would sound funniest?

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 09 03 at 11:08 PM • permalink

  31. 18 right, I am a little ripper :-)

    Posted by Louis on 2005 09 03 at 11:16 PM • permalink

  32. #24 cb, I’ve not heard about being as right as a chook with it’s head cut off - I’ve run around like one before, though.

    And I will fess up that the morning after a big night on the turps I’m either looking like 2 bobs’ worth of godhelpme or the wreck of the Hesperus. Take your pick, cobber.

    Speaking of dunnies, a la Slim Dusty

    chorus:
    There was a red-back on the toilet seat
    When I was there last night,
    I didn’t see him in the dark,
    But boy! I felt his bite!
    And now I’m here in hospital,
    A sad and sorry plight,
    And I curse that red-back spider
    On the toilet seat last night.

    That actually happened to my grandad.

    So my dad tells me. It’s gone down in family folklore, although considering that this is the same dad who told me when I was a kid that a dog that bit me got rabies and died…. maybe he was having a lend of me.

    (link to complete lyrics)

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 09 03 at 11:23 PM • permalink

  33. 14 right, 6 wrong

    You’re a battler. Not much of a one, mind… but getting there.
    You will have no trouble getting around, and understanding most things that are said to you. However avoid RSL clubs and old peoples homes, the nuances are lost on you.

    Posted by Dr Alice on 2005 09 03 at 11:55 PM • permalink

  34. I’m almost afraid to ask what an RSL club is.

    Posted by Achillea on 2005 09 04 at 01:18 AM • permalink

  35. Sorry Achillea, can’t tell you.
    Secret Men’s Business.

    Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2005 09 04 at 01:53 AM • permalink

  36. 19 right, 1 wrong, and I’m not even a cane toad! Fair suck of the sav, cobber, even us Sydney cockeroaches know how to come the raw prawn.

    Posted by Arnie on 2005 09 04 at 01:54 AM • permalink

  37. The Returned & Services League:

    The Role and Objectives of the RSL
    To serve the interests of its members, veterans, the ex-service community and members of the Australian Defence Force, the RSL executes its role by effectively implementing the following objectives which are in accord with the League’s Mission Statement:

    Welfare.
    Advocacy and Representation.
    Assistance to all veterans and ex-service men and women regardless of their membership in the League.
    Commemoration and Remembrance.
    Participation in employment Programs for veterans, ex-service members and their dependants.
    Commitment to democratic principles and practices.
    Provision of a means for members to enjoy camaraderie and mateship.
    Provision of effective and efficient management of RSL assets and resources for the benefit of its members and serving members of the ADF.
    Act as an effective lobby group to Government and its departments.
    Provision of moral and active support for the ADF.
    Provision of a respected and meaningful voice within the community and Australian society.
    Promotion of loyalty and pride which the League has for the Nation, its people, the Crown and the Flag.

    I love the RSL.

    And the cheap drinks.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 09 04 at 03:18 AM • permalink

  38. When I was in Sydney I would lunch with some mates at the Barrack Street Rissole as we called the CSL there (Combined services league).

    And the cheap drinks and food.

    Posted by Louis on 2005 09 04 at 03:53 AM • permalink

  39. Harold, I am a Queenslander living in Victoria.

    What do you make of that?

    Anyway, Victorians all wear black, and smoke a lot and like football that is clearly the sort of stuff you would find in a dunny. They are un-Australian, as far as I can tell.

    Posted by Major Anya on 2005 09 04 at 05:14 AM • permalink

  40. Darlene, you are in trouble. How do you like the weather?

    /sympathy

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 09 04 at 05:33 AM • permalink

  41. My Dad would be proud ;-),

    You got 20 answers right.
    You got 0 answers wrong.
    You’re a bottler, mate!
    You are a fair dinkum, ridgy didge, dinky die, true blue, dyed-in-the-wool Ocker-like strine speaker. Well bugger me, you could probably even play a didgeridoo and know the proper way to twirl a billy. Goodonya. Get us another stubbie while you’re up, will ya… and have one yourself while you’re at it!

    For the record I can twirl a billy but the didge playing sucks…

    Posted by Jaked on 2005 09 04 at 05:47 AM • permalink

  42. I seem to be less Australian than everyone else, just 10 out of 20. This explains why I loathe barbeques, think Prisoner Cell Block H was crap and wobble boards are perhaps not the greatest contribution to worlld music that’s ever been made.

    Posted by Ross on 2005 09 04 at 07:16 AM • permalink

  43. 18 out of 20. Not bad but ,strewth, I’ve never heard of that greeting about pig’s biting your belly. Sounds a bit suss that one. Maybe its not a Sydney saying.

    Posted by Francis H on 2005 09 04 at 07:43 AM • permalink

  44. 17/3 that’ll do.  But does anyone really talk this way?

    Posted by Wand on 2005 09 04 at 08:10 AM • permalink

  45. Not from Queensland or Vic but got 20 out of 20 too.Guessed the pig one.
    Returned Services League Achillea.

    Posted by crash on 2005 09 04 at 08:32 AM • permalink

  46. Wand, #44, yes they do. Mainly the older folks these days, but if you get out of town and into the country, you’ll find a few of the youngsters talk like it.

    Hanging around like a shag on a rock and being flat out like a lizard drinking are two I use all the time.

    I also like my hot chocolate with real moo juice, and my bum nuts poached.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 09 04 at 09:13 AM • permalink

  47. Well, now that Ross has admitted to getting 10/20, I guess I don’t need to be completely quiet about my equally awful 11/20 any longer…

    Posted by PW on 2005 09 04 at 01:47 PM • permalink

  48. Yes, but did you just guess and go with what would sound funniest?

    Sort of: I kept chanting to myself “what would Crocodile Dundee say…”

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 09 04 at 02:46 PM • permalink

  49. #42 its no differnet to “Gidday, how are they hanging” or “Gidday, hows yer belly for spots?”
    You could also be flat out like a one armed paperhanger with crabs or like a one armed taxi driver with crabs.
    And Ross only a pommy would watch that prisoner/cellblock garbage while a true blue Aussie would use the wobble board to get the barbie going. But if you don’t like barbies you’re in strife.

    Posted by Harold on 2005 09 04 at 04:48 PM • permalink

  50. Thanks Debra and Crash.

    I got my mother to take the test and she got 18 out of 20 right.

    Posted by Achillea on 2005 09 04 at 04:48 PM • permalink

  51. Stodge? What the fuck is stodged? Up here, it’s as full as a doctor’s wallet/butcher’s pup/beach dunny on Boxing Day/poofter’s phonebook/sort’s dancecard/state school hatrack, or simply chockers. Must be penned by bloody Victorians, and they’re really just Poms who’ve had a bath this year.

    Posted by Habib on 2005 09 04 at 07:51 PM • permalink

  52. #43, 45 I agree the pig one is sus. Never heard that expression it in all life. If a bloke says that to youse I reckon the appropriate response is to knock ‘im down with an axe an’ say ‘How’s the cleft in ya skull where ya brain used to be, ya fuckin idjut’

    Posted by larrikin on 2005 09 04 at 07:55 PM • permalink

  53. The only one I question is stodged. I think I have heard the term ‘stonkered’ used to mean having over-eaten but not stodged.
    ‘Where the pig bit you’ is just a variation on a theme - but I’ll be careful not to use it if I ever meet anyone with a nickname like Larrikin.
    Habib you make me feel closer to Queenslanders. I hadn’t heard that description of Victorians before - its great.

    Posted by Harold on 2005 09 04 at 08:39 PM • permalink

  54. The pig one had me a bit mystified as well- the nearest we have is how’s your bum for grubs?

    Posted by Habib on 2005 09 04 at 08:53 PM • permalink

  55. 20 outta 20.

    I’m a Sandgroper, and we don’t have “slabs” here we have cartons or (sadly) some young kids just say a “box of beer”—king browns, stubs or tinnies.

    I remember my dad using the “pig bite” expression when I was a young kid, but he was in the navy (regs and reserve) for 20+ years and said a lot of bloody weird things! (“For God’s sake, Dad, ask the girl at Brumby’s for a couple of pasties, not bloody “tiddy-oggies”, she thinks you’re putting the hard word on her!)

    “Stodged” almost lost me (though I figured it out from “stodge”). “Full as a politician’s wallet” I’d find more appropriate. ;-)

    As a professional writer/editor, it saddens me to see how much of our colloquial language is disappearing, although there has been an upsurge of interest lately.

    I worked with Kevin Bloody Wilson for 6+ years (he’s actually an old friend in “real” life) and was amazed at the inventiveness and uniqueness of language used by many of his fans. And I don’t just mean different ways to use four-letter words!

    Habib—love your definition of Mexicans. I also like “South Australians—living proof that Tasmanians can swim”.

    Posted by BIWOZ on 2005 09 04 at 09:26 PM • permalink

  56. You got 19 answers right.
    You got 1 answers wrong.
    You’re a little ripper!
    You have a near perfect grasp of the colourful gab and can probably make yourself understood in most social occasions, such as Gazza’s weekly Barbie… but I bet you can’t throw a boomerang!

    For someone born and bred in country New South Wales this is probably a bit embarrassing.  The throwing the boomerang bit may be accurate though, I was never a good fielder in cricket.

    Posted by craigo on 2005 09 04 at 10:01 PM • permalink

  57. Enjoying this thread. Checked it yesterday, but couldn’t log in… arrgh.

    I got 20/20. Although I guessed the pig bit ya (same as “Thank yer mother for the rabbits”), and the stodge thing, too.

    Years ago I me a friend of a friend in WA who was writing a book of Australian slang and strine. Lofty - wonder if he ever got it done?

    My dad used to recite the alphabet, I can’t remember it all:

    A for ‘orses (hay for horses)
    B for mutton (beef or mutton)
    C for miles (see for miles)
    D for mation (defamation)
    E for brick (heave a brick)
    F for vescent (effervescent)
    G for police
    H for consent
    I for detail (eye for detail)
    J for orange (jaffa orange)
    K for restaurant (cafe or restaurant)
    L for leather (hell for leather - going really fast)
    M for sis (emphasis)
    N for lope (envelope)
    O for the garden wall (over the garden wall)
    P for relief
    Q for a bus
    R for Moe (half a mo - half a minute, wait on)
    S for Williams (Esther Williams)
    T for two (tea for two)
    U for rear (euphoria)
    V for la France (Viva la France)
    W for quits
    X for breakfast (eggs for breakfast)
    Y for mistress (wife or mistress)
    Z for breezes (zephyr)


    I’m busier than a one legged man in an arse-kicking competition, so I will have to bugger off.

    Posted by kae on 2005 09 04 at 10:05 PM • permalink

  58. Yeah- I’m busier than a one-armed Baghdad brickie meself. Gotta go and strain the spuds before I see a man about a dog, then I’m off sand-ratting.

    Posted by Habib on 2005 09 04 at 10:28 PM • permalink

  59. Overheard years ago at the Melbourne Cricket Ground during an ashes Test;

    “Pringle, you’re as useless as a woman with lockjaw at a cocksuckers’ picnic.”

    Posted by Mick Gill on 2005 09 04 at 11:15 PM • permalink

  60. My favourite was also at the G with a good mate of mine. It was the footy, though.

    “Catch the ball you dumb bastartd! Oh, that’s right, you couldn’t catch pox in a Thai brothel!”

    I also get stonkered on one too many glasses of plonk.

    I love aussie english. It’s so much fun!

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 09 05 at 05:46 AM • permalink

  61. Some of the nicknames are inventive as well- I knew a chap called “the Cruel Shepherd”, because he was always flogging his mutton.

    I dubbed a senior management type “Marco Polo”, because he was always pissing off to a place of refreshment and relaxation called The Orient.

    Posted by Habib on 2005 09 05 at 07:38 AM • permalink

  62. Got 9 right thank god. Any more and I would have been rather worried.

    Posted by Andrew Ian Dodge on 2005 09 05 at 07:46 AM • permalink

  63. Barry humphries used to say “busier than salamon rushdie’s travel agent”.

    Posted by crash on 2005 09 05 at 11:09 AM • permalink

  64. Nicknames.

    Two blokes with the surname of Keane. One was Extra, the other was Not-so (Extra was skinny and Not-so was rotund).

    Bloke with the surname of Hyman, nickname Buster.

    Short bloke, Lofty.

    Surname Pilter, nickname Rottman. (after Rottman Pilter cigarettes)

    Posted by kae on 2005 09 05 at 06:12 PM • permalink

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