<< ASK MR EDITOR MAN ~ MAIN ~ NEW POPE >>
APPLY THE ADAMSIZER
Phillip Adams declares:
The US Commander-in-Chief has the world’s worst record on capital punishment.
George W. Bush presided over 152 executions during his six years as Texas governor. By contrast, China once executed 1,781 people in just three months during 2001, according to Amnesty International. Bush would’ve needed to execute 42,744 Texans during his governorship to equal that rate. But why mock poor Phillip? Instead, we can Adamsize Bush by applying an Adams-level 28,121% exaggeration to other areas of Bush’s career:
Genuine George:: Elected for two terms as US President
Adamsized George: Elected for 562 terms as US President
Genuine George: Registered a 0.10 blood-alcohol level after his 1976 DUI arrest
Adamsized George: Registered a 28.12 blood-alcohol level. And he was still able to drive!
Genuine George: Born in 1946
Adamsized George: Born in 547234—more than half a million years into the future!
Genuine George: Scored 566 verbal and 640 math in his SATs
Adamsized George: Scored 159164 verbal and 179974 math. Super genius!
Genuine George: Bush, we may assume, has driven a motor vehicle at 55 mph.
Adamsized George: Bush has driven a motor vehicle at 15,466 mph! He holds the world land speed record!
Genuine George: Defeated John Kerry by 3.5 million votes
Adamsized George: Defeated John Kerry by 984 million votes—more than three times the population of the United States!
Genuine George: Will inspire at least 30 Phillip Adams columns by the end of his Presidency
Adamsized George: Will inspire at least 8,436 Phillip Adams columns by the end of his Presidency
Curse that Adamsizer. It cuts both ways.
(Via contributor Alan R.M. Jones)
Genuine George: Defeated John Kerry by 3.5 million votes
Adamsized George: Defeated John Kerry by 984 million votes—more than three times the population of the United States!This might have been possible if that thing about letting everybody in the world vote for the U.S. president had gotten any play. More even!
Plus the governorship of Texas is the least powerful in the US. The governor CANNOT convert a death penalty to life in prison nor pardon a person under a death penalty. That is handled by a board chosen for that purpose. All he can do is sign the death warrant, and he has no choice about that. I know Adams is an ignorant (by choice) idiot, but, please.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2005 04 19 at 01:56 PM • permalinkLet’s see. As US Commander-in-Chief, Bush has not caused anyone to suffer the death penalty, and Bush hasn’t been the governor of Texas for over 5 years. So what was the point of Mr. Adams commentary? Oh, I guess there wasn’t one. And some people actually wonder why the left has difficulty winning elections.
Thanks God there’s no Adamsizing of Adams himself going on in reality.
Genuine Adams: 180kg
Adamsized Adams: 5061780kgThis makes Adams even bigger than Michael Moore. This is even bigger than the size of some redneck US towns! Adams could crush Red-State fascism in these towns by rolling over them.
Posted by Blithering Bunny on 2005 04 19 at 02:56 PM • permalinkGeorge W. Bush presided over 152 executions during his six years as Texas governor.
Most of us actually located in Texas wish it would have been quite a few more…..
Posted by Wallace-Midland Texas on 2005 04 19 at 04:45 PM • permalinkHmmm.
“Adamsized George: Defeated John Kerry by 984 million votes—more than three times the population of the United States! “
Now THAT’S vote rigging!
Take that you damn Democrats! :):)
Posted by memomachine on 2005 04 19 at 06:22 PM • permalinkWhat Jorg said.
Reference the Texas Constitution.
Bush didn’t have any option about those executions, given that the Judges and juries of the State of Texas made the decision, and the Board of Pardons and Paroles controls the cases he gets to make decisions about.
I suspect very strongly they didn’t ask him to look over so much as one, and certainly not every single one.
But it’s not like Adams cares, or could find the Texas constitution in 30 seconds on Google like I did.
Wouldn’t you have to Adamsize Bush’s birth date by going back to the zero point i.e. the beginning of time?
Doing so, I calculate the Adamsized birthdate as being in the year 385 trillion, give or take.
/pedant
Posted by Crispytoast on 2005 04 19 at 06:52 PM • permalinkGenuine George:: Freed over 50 million people from tyranny.
Adamsized George: Freed over 14050 million people from tyranny.Posted by Harry Buttle on 2005 04 19 at 07:23 PM • permalinkI just realized my numbers are off by a factor of 100.
Bush’s birthdate occurs on or about the year 3,836,000,000,000 AD.
Always check your work, kids.
Posted by Crispytoast on 2005 04 19 at 09:13 PM • permalinkI must confess ignorance, mimboy:
Your point that Bush executed only guilty people implies that China held no such requirement on their executions. In addition, China executed nearly 300 times as many people as Texas in comparable periods of time. Keeping these two points in mind, how is Adams correct in stating that Bush has the worst record on executions?
In your second post, I feel you are more accurate; your joke indeed went over my head. I found nothing humorous about it, and I am willing to accept that this is due to a lapse on my part. I am not above asking you to explain it to me. I sincerely want to find out what I’m missing.
(Rereading this post, I worry that you may detect traces of sarcasm. I assure you this is not the case. This comment is completely genuine. In addition, I apologize if my first post offended you.)
Adams should be careful, picking on a 168 foot tall man! That means this axe he’s carrying is approximately 52 feet high. Run for your lives!
Mimboy: I’m sure Adams feels that most of the people executed in Texas while Bush was governor were entirely guiltless, simply because George Bush was the one in charge at the time of their execution.
Anyway, Ron White, on the first Blue Collar Comedy Tour dvd, has a joke about Texas’ execution procedure. “In Texas, if you kill somebody, we’ll kill you right back.” Sounds good to me, but YMMV.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 04 19 at 11:49 PM • permalinkI remember that Amnesty International report. I also remember reading at the time that China went execution-crazy because they wanted to flip the bird at Amnesty. Don’t know the veracity of this, however.
Posted by James Waterton on 2005 04 20 at 01:21 AM • permalinkI think indonesia may add 9 to their tally soon.
Posted by Astonished on 2005 04 20 at 04:00 AM • permalink
Page 1 of 1 pages
Members:
Login | Register
| Member List
Adamsize the ammount of oil rich countries he’s gunna invade. That’ll show everyone who’s boss.