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“AND THEN IT HARDENS”
Australian academic Christopher Sheil discusses his writing. Or another subject beginning with “w” and ending with “ing”:
Once my writing lifts off, I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely ...
Via J.F. Beck. Click here for an earlier item on Onan the Historian.
Hmmm.
I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely ...
Amazingly enought that describes me and the latest Victoria Secrets catalog.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 04 03 at 01:59 PM • permalinkOr another subject beginning with “w” and ending with “ing”
At first, I thought Tim referred to “whining”. Or perhaps “whinging”. Or maybe “wanking”.
But then I realized he meant “writing”, a word that I would never associate with Chris Sheil in a couple zillion years.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 04 03 at 03:37 PM • permalinkLMAO at “Onan the Historian”! Classic! :-D
Posted by Mr Snuffalupagus on 2006 04 03 at 04:56 PM • permalinkWhat the hell is that boy talking about?
I think he’s trying to be a literature type dude. You know, like the person who wrote Paris Hilton’s autobiography.
Posted by Major Anya on 2006 04 03 at 05:08 PM • permalinkalso, check out the number of personal pronouns - the lefty calling card
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 03 at 05:19 PM • permalinkI think if I could build a time machine the first thing I’d do was go back to whatever era contained the first writer who decided to wax poetic about his ownself’s precious writing technique (as opposed to actually writing a story or an essay or something that someone would actually want to read) and thus started a whole horrid literary trend. Then I would use my advanced twenty-first century persuasive skills (especially our way with clever mixing of metal alloys to produce certain tools of a very fine sharpness) to urge him to turn his talents in another direction.
Here’s my technique: I write stuff until I stop and do something else. Sometimes I make a typo, which I correct. There, you have all the guidelines you need on how to write anything at all.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 04 03 at 05:46 PM • permalinkShouldn’t that be, “‘Once my writing lifts off, I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely!’ he ejaculated.”?
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 04 03 at 06:46 PM • permalinkAren’t writing efforts like this usually started with “I’ve never written to your magazine before, but the most incredible thing happened to me last week ...”?
Posted by Paul Wright on 2006 04 03 at 07:11 PM • permalinkI guess you could call his prose “tumescent”, that he took matters “into his own hands, or that his writing “rose to the occasion”
Yea, I’m done.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 04 03 at 07:42 PM • permalinkI’m sure the Pulitzer Committee is impressed with Cretin’s “enormous” writing talent, ready to spew forth buckets of knowledge at the slightest stimulation.
Yeah, his writng is “hard” alright - hardly writing!
Posted by Tex Lovera on 2006 04 03 at 07:46 PM • permalinkNot looking good here. The pen,is the symbol of the phallus, the symbol of male oppression. What elese do we have? Lift off? Hardening? Settles? Hmmm, I think that Chris may need a few more ‘gender friendly writing workshops’ from his academic sisters at UNSW to cure him of his rampant hegemony.
Besides, ain’t we all just lucky that Chris didn’t include his usual boast about Rugby in the same piece of writing, the juxtaposition, ew. I think we all need to be thankful for that.
Jeez, my Muse is much quieter and more understated…
What?Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 03 at 08:15 PM • permalinkDoes this guy go to his urologist when he gets writers block?
No, HC, help is always at hand
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 03 at 09:02 PM • permalinkNah. He hits the massage “clinic” where the mamma-san reinvigorates his, umm… imagination.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 03 at 09:03 PM • permalinkRemind me again. Is this the guy who claims to be cretin?
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 04 03 at 10:52 PM • permalinkAnd do his roots go back to Australia’s
penilepenal colony days? And how deep are those roots?Posted by andycanuck on 2006 04 03 at 11:02 PM • permalinkHmmm. I couldn’t resist. According to word, that whole entry is 876 words long. 49 are the first person personal pronoun, so it is one of just less than every 18 words. If you include ‘my’ (at 9 times) first person pronouns are 1 in every 15 words.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 04 03 at 11:02 PM • permalinkChris Shiel must be the only blogger I know with a 1-900-IP….
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 03 at 11:44 PM • permalinkOnce my writing lifts off, I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely ...
Anyone else need a cigarette?
—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 04 03 at 11:48 PM • permalinkCS seems to have found the greatest love of all.
Whitney Houston would approve.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 03 at 11:57 PM • permalinkHe’s only following the party line- after all, lefties regard the Catholic Church as the source of much that is evil in the world, and CS is doing his bit by repeatedly bashing the Bishop.
He is also getting back to his labor roots by shaking hands with the unemployed, almost manically.
This exercise also reinforces his feminist credentials, as he grapples with the vexing issue of sexual harrassment with Mrs Palm and her five daughters; there is a worrying trend towards support for militarism though, as he seems to support the idea of sending out the troops.
He’ll also win no fans from the members of PETA and Greenpeace, what with his constant mis-treatment of animals- if he’s not choking the chicken or spanking the monkey, he’s waxing the dolphin or burping the worm*.
*Not work or nanna** safe.
**Unless nanna is a bit of a sport.
I’d say he’s been using his Rectoplasmic Energies.
Mr Sheil’s (self)love explains why he never has to say sorry
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 04 at 02:27 AM • permalink#21
Dear Editor of One Handed Typing Monthly,
I used to think all the letters to your magazine were made up, until the most extraordinary thing happened to me while blogging the other night…
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 04 04 at 03:36 AM • permalinkSince we are are hard & fast on the phallic theme, when is the USA going to get its manned space programme running regularly again (you know in those big rockety things). There’s something we need to investigate urgently:
Alcohol cloud in spacePosted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 04 04 at 03:47 AM • permalinkThe best writing on writing I’ve ever read (which isn’t much at all) was Bukowski, who wrote something like, “When I can’t drink no more, jerk off no more, sleep no more, f..k no more, vomit no more and shit no more, it must be time to write…or pick my nose, again.”
Hopefully, if I try really hard, my own self-indulgent, spankkfest, gloryhard, gobflock, keyboard scratchings will one day spectacularly soar to the dizzying heights of CS. Now I have a peak of which to climb towards…oh yeaaahhh, baby, I’m so good to me…
Posted by LeftieLatteLover on 2006 04 04 at 03:49 AM • permalink
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Gawd! That is disturbing. Can one describe Sheil’s prose as “turgid”?