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AMERICANS STEAL LAKE
Reuters reports:
A Russian village was left baffled Thursday after its lake disappeared overnight.
Officials in Nizhegorodskaya region, on the Volga river east of Moscow, said water in the lake might have been sucked down into an underground water-course or cave system, but some villagers had more sinister explanations.
"I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us,” said one old woman, as she sat on the ground outside her house.
Don’t get too attached to that ground, lady. They’re coming after it next.
Sorry, blogstrop, but the old woman is right. There’s an American Lake in the USA.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 05 21 at 08:25 AM • permalink"I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us,” said one old woman,
Why do these guy’s always find someone to stick it to the yanks?
How many interviews did it take to find that lady, 10? What did the others say? Maybe; Well ya don’t see that every day or looks like I’ll be eating fish for a while.They just can’t help themselves.
Those damn americans again!!
Bet they stole the lake and someone from Halliburton is selling it off for capitalistic gain. Tut tut!
Look to find the lake somewhere in Texas along with all those stolen bridges for sale.Posted by Hank Reardon on 2005 05 21 at 09:33 AM • permalinkI thought it was the Canadians who were afraid we seppos would steal all of their fresh water. The coming water wars
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2005 05 21 at 09:41 AM • permalinkMy bad, PW. Here’s the Upper Russian Lake.
Dang, that Karl Rove is a genius! He put that lake right at the headwaters of the Russian River! Who woulda thought?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 05 21 at 09:56 AM • permalinkIt’s happening all over. Missouri, Florida, Slovenia (search for ‘lake’)....
Obviously this is a conspiracy of international proportions.
"[The U.S. has] substituted rain-fed agriculture… for an unsustainable irrigation-based agriculture. When the aquifer runs dry, which it absolutely will, what will they do? It seems likely that they will start looking to Canada, and say ‘You have all this water, and you’re not using it.’
“My answer would be that we are using it. Because humans are not the only ones who matter.”
~ Peter Brown, director of the McGill School of Environment ~
No, Peter. The U.S. will look to its 51st thru 58th states.
Here’s the problem with the Blame America First assclowns, both here and abroad - eventually you reach the point where Americans say, “Well, fuck, if we’re going to be blamed for everything anyway, who gives a shit what the world thinks? We may as well do what we want and take what we can if we’re going to get shit for it either way.” So everyone might want to lay off for a bit before they get a nasty self-fulfilling prophecy.
I used to pay attention to these people until I was about 25 or so. Then I got wise to it.
Why does no one ever say, “Damn, America is an overwhelming superpower. Wonder why they just don’t conquer the world ‘n shit?”
Bush must sincerely apologize and pay compensation to the victims.
Posted by Mystery Meat on 2005 05 21 at 10:36 AM • permalinkMore likely one of the old Soviet missile silos just collapsed, and sucked the water from the lake into it in the process. It was probably so secret even the current government isn’t aware of it.
Posted by Tatterdemalian on 2005 05 21 at 10:50 AM • permalinkHere’s another chance for our Aussie friends to step up and support America by ‘fessing up to being the real perpetrators of lake theft.
Come on now - you know what I’m talking about. Do I need to spell it out? Four years of drought. NFF pressure on Howard budget. And of course, isn’t Deputy Prime Minister John Anderson a farmer himself? It’s basic ‘cui bono’ analysis!
From the same web site:
Russian Women Bitten by Pet Piranhas
Created: 12.05.2005 16:22 MSK (GMT +3), Updated: 16:22 MSK
MosNews“An elderly woman from the city of Saransk, the capital of the Russian republic of Mordvinia, has been bitten by piranhas, RIA Novosti reports.
She decided to clean an aquarium bought by her son while he was away from home and tried to catch the fish with her bare hands, not knowing that they were predatory.
She said she had nearly lost two fingers on her left hand. When she went to a local hospital, doctors diagnosed bad swelling of the hand and abscesses. <...> But they point out that the woman was less afraid of the wounds than THE POSSIBILITY OF GETTING RABIES. They managed to calm the victim by explaining that piranhas do not transmit the disease.”
Maybe the woman thought the lake was vodka and drank it.
Posted by Mystery Meat on 2005 05 21 at 11:24 AM • permalinkWell, let this be a lesson. Do not piss off Karl Rove. He’ll take away whatever is important to you. Even a lake.
(note to Richard McEnroe, Dave S, and Achillea: I believe this should be my LAST test to ascension, don’t you? Do you know how hard it was to move a damn lake in the middle of the night? It was NOT a small pond like your tape recorder cassette said it was)
Posted by wronwright on 2005 05 21 at 11:41 AM • permalinkWe stole the lake! And we’re going on to Australia to steal the old growth forests and the Middle East to steal all the sand and Mexico to steal all their unemployed people — YEEEARGH!
wronwright — Hey, my bass boat is still up on the blocks. I don’t know where you think you put that lake, but it’s in the wrong place. Now put it where it belongs and this time use a smaller sponge…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 21 at 12:13 PM • permalinkHow does she know it wasn’t the Israelis?
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 05 21 at 12:34 PM • permalinkMcEnroe, maybe if you had used a DVD instead of a reel cassete I could understand the instructions better. We are in the 21st Century you know.
This procedure of simulating Mission Impossible is just crap. Why oh why did you have to scotch tape the damn reel tape recorder to the bottom of the highest bleacher at Wrigley Stadium? It was damn inconvenient, it was. Ever try asking a Cubs fan to move over so I can retrieve a tape recorder? Ever try to quietly and slyly feel underneath the seat where some very large guy’s hot looking girlfriend is sitting for it? It wasn’t easy buddy.
And no pictures! Just “Mr. Phelps, if you should choose to accept this mission, as if there’s a choice, you must move a small Russian pond”. That’s all you said. Move the pond. No suggestions as to how. No tools. No fleet of tanker trucks and vacuum hoses. No recommendations of where to move it. Oh no. Just move it.
And did I get a voice mail message expressing appreciation of a job well done? Pfffff.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 05 21 at 01:07 PM • permalinkHa, the Canadians are behind the game. We’ve already stolen their Canadian Lakes and built a Castle to protect them.
The Jews poisoned the wells. The Americans stole the lake. Is there any doubt that anti-Americanism has merged with anti-Semitism? It’s unbelievable to me, that so-called civilized people can believe such insane crap.
Posted by Jabba the Tutt on 2005 05 21 at 01:38 PM • permalinkShe’s right!!!!
The evidence is here!!!!!!!: http://members.tripod.com/~earthdude1/texaco/texaco.html
Texaco, Halliburton - same ball of wax, right?!!!!!!!!!
(Ooops, missed a few: !!!!!! and !)
"Wrigley Stadium?”
Wronwright’s a commie!
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 05 21 at 02:59 PM • permalinkWrigley Stadium? Isn’t that on the same tour as Lambert and Comiskey Fields?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 21 at 03:18 PM • permalinkwronwright,
It is my distinct pleasure to inform you that because of your dedication to The Cause, His Supreme Rovissimo has decided to promote you. You are no longer a Pussywillow - instead, you’ve moved up to the rank of Tenderfoot. I join the entire Vast Right Wing Conspiricy in congratulating you on this honor.
To complete the promotion process, go down to your local Wal-Mart, and pick up your certificate. Ask to see the store manager, and demand your certificate from him.
If he refuses, be persistent. Remember, this is a part of the test. If you don’t get this certificate from him, Our Dark Lord will assume that you don’t really want it. So, do whatever you have to do to get it.
And again, congratulations. I’m sure you’ll be a fully qualified Right Wing Death Beast in no time at all.
Anybody remember the original Invaders from Mars? I wouldn’t investigate that lake bed too closely…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 21 at 09:32 PM • permalinkRipper: Mandrake, have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water?
Mandrake: Well, no I… I can’t say I have, Jack.
R: Vodka. That’s what they drink, isn’t it? Never water?
M: Well I… I believe that’s what they drink, Jack. Yes.
R: On no account will a commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
M: Oh, ah, yes. I don’t quite… see what you’re getting at, Jack.
R: Water. That’s what I’m getting at. Water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven tenths of this earth’s surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water. ... And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Just got my last required post on Instapundit! My journey to the Dark Side is complete ....*click* *wheeze*
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 22 at 01:00 AM • permalinkOh, the pedantics are out.
Yes, yes, that should read Wrigley Field. So sorry. My only excuse is that I was up ALL NIGHT SUCKING UP A DAMN LAKE WITH A VERY LARGE SPONGE. And did anyone offer me the slightest bit of help? No.
And JayC, good try. But I happen to recall you went from Pussywillow to RWDB with no intermediary steps. So I fully expect the same will happen to me anyday now.
I’m waiting. I hope to get a phone call from Grand Lord Karl soon. I’m so excited. I will like a 15 year old girl waiting for an invitation to the prom.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 05 22 at 01:02 AM • permalinkI will like a 15 year old girl waiting for an invitation to the prom.
That sounds fine, wronwright, just so long as Scott Ritter doesn’t offer the invitation....
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 05 22 at 05:34 AM • permalinkOh, I might be missing a point or two. But I can’t say the same for others here.
(slowly draws out very large sword, borrowed from Andrea and previously used in cutting down engaged species of flora near Russian lake)
Posted by wronwright on 2005 05 22 at 01:28 PM • permalinkwronwright — Hey! I just got my <a href="http://www.patrickruffini.com/archives/vader.jpg"> new uniform <a> from Our Dark Master for my Instapundit quote!
And I find your lack of faith… disturbing… *squeeze*
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 22 at 03:21 PM • permalinkAt the risk of being insensitive, the Russians couldn’t run an empire, a country or an economy. Why should they be any more adept with puddles?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 23 at 10:38 PM • permalink
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Damn! Another leaky lake down the gurgler. But was it people tunnelling in, or those tunnelling out that were to blame?