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AHL-ZAHR-OWW-EEE
The Associated Press reports:
Newly released video of the leader of al-Qaida in Iraq shows Abu Musab al-Zarqawi (AH’-boo MOO’-sahb ahl-zahr-KOW’-ee) decked out in American tennis shoes and fumbling with a machine gun.
Major General Rick Lynch [ed: RIK’ LINCH] says al-Zarqawi chose not to show the world this piece of video in which he’s wearing “his New Balance tennis shoes,” and in which his associates “do things like grab the hot barrel of the machine gun and burn themselves."
Brought to you by Tim Blair (TEE’-eem BLAY’-arr) on behalf of George W. Bush (HIT’-lerr).
That’s what I call (unintentional) comedy gold!
On the part of the AP as well as the jihadis. Gawwd. Burning their hands on the gun barrels… Wadda buncha maroons.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 05 04 at 12:20 PM • permalinkTim, you are damn witty. Just like Mark Steyn. You need to write a column for the New York Times. Or the Sydney Morning Herald. If that happened, maybe their circulation would go back up.
Of course, you’re conservative and you make sense. So that will never happen.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 05 04 at 12:23 PM • permalinkPaco beat me to the Iowahawk comparison. Priceless! But gotta love the AP headline: “...realeases unflattering video...” I’m surprised the AP didn’t call it US propaganda. God forbid the AP should suggest anything is unflattering about a terrorist, or as James Taranto mimicking the Democratic Party line, referring to Zarqawi as the “leader of al Qaeda in Iraq which has nothing to do with al Qaeda in Iraq” (or some such inanity).
I don’t get it. A TV station’s Web site carries an AP story that was obviously customized for broadcasters (hence the inclusion of the phonetic spelling), and it’s like, funny.
(If you’re guessing that I’m a broadcaster - well, I used to be.)
As for the video itself: Now THAT sounds funny - in a chilling way.
Posted by MrBuddwing on 2006 05 04 at 12:59 PM • permalinkAH’-boo MOO’-sahb ahl-zahr-KOW’-ee, probably got the New Balance shoes from Nick Berg, or Paul Johnson. Guess he figured, what the fuck, they don’t need them now.
This guy is soon to be captured, and when he is my hope is that his nuts are put into a vice, get all info, lies, damned lies and some truths that can be had, then stake his ass out on hot desert ground and turn hungry wild pigs loose on him.
What’s left of him, char and hang from a bridge.
Here’s a link from ABC News that, in turn, has a link to the video.
Good news clip (hate the commercial).
Clearly Zarqawi lacks some of the necessary traits of a good jihadist, like being able to handle a weapon and not indulging in the decadent pleasures of an infidel civilization.
Oh, and grabbing the barrel of a hot weapon? I knew an ROTC cadet who fired a whole magazine of blanks, lean it against a tree after the exercise, and then picked it up by the barrel, total elapsed time maybe 5 minutes. He got second degree burns all over his hand.
So only recruits do that. Once, anyway. Current terrorist training seems to be less than effective....are we seeing a decline in their standards?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 04 at 02:03 PM • permalinkI want that AP ‘reporter’ shot. Why is he standing there instead of shooting???
Posted by Capitalist Rosie on 2006 05 04 at 02:29 PM • permalinkI want that AP ‘reporter’ shot. Why is he standing there instead of shooting???
Maybe because there’s not much point in shooting at a TV screen ...
Posted by MrBuddwing on 2006 05 04 at 02:36 PM • permalinkMaybe we could send them these critical medical supplies for the burns.
Good grief his gun-handling breaks ALL the NRA safety rules. He swings the barrel of an un-cleared firearm through several of his apparently expendable guys - too bad he didn’t accidentally put a little more pressure on the trigger just then. Not that I’m surprised or anything.
Posted by -keith in mtn. view on 2006 05 04 at 05:41 PM • permalinkGreat, let’s see if the Al-zarqawi Broadcast Corporation (ABC) runs that video in their next Jihadist recruitment campaign - normally screening 8:30 Monday nights for our bored littly bearded friends out there.
Posted by pick-your-pun on 2006 05 04 at 07:21 PM • permalinkRe #22, you got me there, PW!
GodAllah knows that any good jihadist is expendable anyway. So why bother practicingproperinfidel weapon handling techniques?Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 04 at 07:24 PM • permalinkGood grief his gun-handling breaks ALL the NRA safety rules. He swings the barrel of an un-cleared firearm through several of his apparently expendable guys - too bad he didn’t accidentally put a little more pressure on the trigger just then.
“Keep your booger hook off the bang switch.”
Words to live by.
This reminds me of scenes from the movie “American Dreamz”, currently showing, which delights in making fun of the secret western indulgences of the Taliban.
The movie’s premise, where a jihadi infiltrates an American Idol-type talent show, is pretty funny.
Posted by closeapproximation on 2006 05 04 at 07:45 PM • permalinkI’m reminded of the scene in “True Lies” where the video camera runs out of batteries during the villian’s monologue.
Great, let’s see if the Al-zarqawi Broadcast Corporation (ABC) runs that video in their next Jihadist recruitment campaign - normally screening 8:30 Monday nights for our bored littly bearded friends out there.
The video was mentioned in AM. Did anyone hear how the presenter pronounced “propaganda”? It was a bit drawn out.
It clearly is a blow to the United States in the sense that they have several times claimed that he’s not funny, which he obviously is, and the tape is obviously new. But I think it is part of the absurdification, if you like, of those people we want to laugh at and mock and ridicule, and pretend are losing when really they ... er ... are. --Robert Fisk
Posted by arrowhead ripper on 2006 05 04 at 08:09 PM • permalink#27
How does Allah’s own version of Mr Bean here manage to stay one step ahead of 150,000 troops
gosh I don’t know, Adammo. By hiding, maybe? Just a wild stab on my part. But you can turn him into a rebel hero in your mind if it suits your twisted ends. Kinda like Hannibal Lecter, above the law. Only real.
while praticing to tie his shoe laces?
yeah, this new Western concept of “shoelaces” is pretty neat, isn’t it? I think it’s catching on.
Posted by daddy dave on 2006 05 04 at 08:19 PM • permalink#32
He’s a non event who’s been given way to much respect by the coaltion
Clearly, you are from a far distant planet, and are understandably dazed and confused from your long trip through space.
I suggest board your spaceship and fly away again.Posted by daddy dave on 2006 05 04 at 08:37 PM • permalinkErrr, daddy dave, the guy only has one leg to worry about.
You’re the one that introduced the shoelaces metaphor. Remember? That time when you weren’t trying to make him out to be a hero?
Posted by daddy dave on 2006 05 04 at 08:42 PM • permalinkCareful daddy dave, your colostomy bag might give out on you.
Put the Vaseline jar down for just a minute and think about it. This guy has what, US$25 million on his head? Send a few bounty hunters into Iraq and he’s be served up on the lawn at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave within a week....unless of course, the pice of shit is already dead.
Addamo,
This little quote is for you:“Writing is public evidence of private acts, the concrete record of knowledge ordered, or not, thought persued, or not, and understanding discovered, or not.”
R. Mitchell
This is what my old daddy meant when he taught me, “think before you speak”. Just thought I would pass that along in case nobody ever bothered to teach it to you.
Adammo, you really need to save your witty lines for one per post. In a nutshell, a prominent commentator - Robert Fisk - recently became a public laughing stock in part by saying what you said. ie he claimed that Zarqawi is nothing, he’s been given too much attention and respect by US Army and its allies etc. It’s just bullshit. There have been whole threads on this site on that topic. Go read the Fisk/Jones interview.
On the other hand, I’m glad you clarified your opinion of him as being a piece of shit.
Oh, and I’ll do what I please with my vaseline, thanks very much.
Posted by daddy dave on 2006 05 04 at 09:00 PM • permalinkI would pay serious money to be a fly on the wall inside bin Laden’s current cave to see his face when he sees this video for the first time.
Leans to Zawahiri and says
“this is the bloke who you think is trying to take my job off me?”“we are sending money to this guy, you sure it’s this guy?”
“ oh for the love of Allah, point it the other way, the other way.”
“ Forgive me Allah for he doth not know what he do” ( Apologies to jesus for that one)
Stand by for Al Quaeda in Mesopatmia to be renamed Dad’s Army in Iraq!
Actually Zarqawi looks just about fat enough to play Capt Mannering(Mainwaring)Posted by the nailgun on 2006 05 04 at 09:02 PM • permalinkZarqawi’s probably going to be given up shortly, either ‘fired’ by AQ or grassed by the Iranians looking to take more direct control of the ‘foreign fighters’ they’re already supporting in Iraq.
Babble like Addamo’s is just the left trying to mitigate the sting of his downfall before he even gets his first t-shirt…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 04 at 10:57 PM • permalinkI too agree with RM at #43 that it is very hard not too be deeply suspicious all this “Zarqawi doesn’t matter” talk is just the Left trying to pre-empt the good news of his capture or death. If they were arguing Fisk doesn’t matter, well that might make sense.
Posted by the nailgun on 2006 05 04 at 11:48 PM • permalinkThis guy has what, US$25 million on his head? Send a few bounty hunters into Iraq and he’s be served up on the lawn at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave within a week
Wow. Brilliant. Because:
(A) Bounty hunters don’t know how to buy airline tickets, or they would have already gone over on their own accord, and
(B) American bounty hunters would blend in like chameleons until BANGO! they snatch Zarqawi from his posse while he’s out picnicking.
This is the most brilliant, well-thought-out suggestion I’ve heard since my co-worker’s idea to pay off the national debt by having the US Mint print out five trillion dollars.
Re #34: daddy dave, Addamo is on vacation to our fair world. But his parental units don’t want him staying up too late, so pass the word to him the next time you two chat, please?
Thank you.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 04 at 11:55 PM • permalinkNow c’mon fellas we all know Bush paid off all the bounty hunters in the world so that they would not go and kill Zarqawi and hence Bush could continue to talk Zarqawi up.
Sorry, my error. Bush gave Halliburton a heap of big juicy contracts so they could pay all the bounty hunters to not shoot Zarqawi.
(Don’t worry Addamo all is not lost, I think Boba Fett is free after 3pm next Tuesday, give him a ring. Look up white pages under Lucasfilms.)Posted by the nailgun on 2006 05 05 at 03:48 AM • permalinkNow we see why these buffoons specialise in suicide bombing. Any other form of combat/terrorism/murder is too tech for their tiny brains to cope with.
Yep, even the good ol’ timed explosives proved too big a challenge - don’t forget the time some Pallies blew themselves up because they forgot about Daylight Saving Time.
The danger, of course, is that they occasionally get some super-educated Islamotards who can master flying a plane straight-and-level.
I’ll bet some enterprising person could put together a grouping of these bloopers and call them “Terrorist’s best Bloopers” or something crazy. Remember the GI Joe action figure that they tried to pass off as a US soldier? What a hoot that was! Truly, these people are deadly but they can also be laughed at as caricatures.
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 05 05 at 11:34 AM • permalinkI hope this link works. Check out this other stellar video performance by these whackos.
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 05 05 at 11:57 AM • permalink#46
Addamo is on vacation to our fair world
Goddamn, The_Real_JeffS, you beat me to it by several days. I thought I was the first to notice his strange, non-human traits, but clearly I didn’t do my research. Adammo, the intrepid space traveller, has been unmasked once more.
Posted by daddy dave on 2006 05 05 at 12:07 PM • permalinkAnd all this time I’ve been pronouncing it Tĭm Blâr. I apologize. I know how annoying it is when people constantly mispronounce your name.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 05 05 at 02:24 PM • permalinkNo saurprise that Zarquawi doesn’t know how to shoot. His asshole buddy Osama Bin Laden doesn’t know either, when you see that clip of him squatting down firing an AK-47, without knowing even to tuck the rifle into his shoulder to get his body behind the recoil (which isn’t that much on an AK-47 - I fired one of the buggers in Vietnam, and whilst they’re 7.92mm, they have a slow muzzle velocity).
Posted by Oafish and Infantile on 2006 05 06 at 06:02 AM • permalink
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The Three Al Saleemooges.
Puddin Head! Put down the heater and git over here. And you! Porcupine! Pickup up the tommy and and start sprayin for da cameras. Oooooowwwww! Its so Haaaaaaaht. NOT by the barrel you nincompoop. I hafta do everything around here myself. Nyuk, nykuk.