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A SIMPLE GUIDE
How To Avoid Being Fired for Blogging
Step One: Does your employer have a policy that might prohibit blogging? Check to make sure! For example, this could indicate trouble ahead for the would-be online commentator:
“CNN has a policy that says employees must first get permission to write for a non-CNN outlet.”
If your employer’s policy is unclear to you, it’s best to ask a superior or someone fluent in English for further explanation rather than waiting until you’re unemployed then claiming you were fired “because of your views”.
Step two: Let’s say you’re a wild, reckless, egomaniacal type who doesn’t care for rules and runs a 167-word biography about yourself on the front page of your site announcing, among other things, that you’re a “nuisance to authority figures”. No way are you going to ask permission to write for non-CNN sources! To hell with you, corporate media! But be careful; those big CNN dollars might stop rolling in if you fail to post anonymously. Otherwise, CNN is likely to be troubled by a senior producer at a vanilla deal like American Morning writing the following:
We’ve come to understand that Bush has the IQ of a lemon and accept that he’ll never be able to approach any situation, no matter how significant, with anything but the most rudimentary of motor skills. He’s a dumb, lumbering jackass, and we know it.
And this:
I was never one of those people who believed that Condi Rice was a genius to begin with, despite a doctorate and her admittedly masterful skill at concealing her secret life as a hardcore lesbian ...
Lines like these might lead to workplace tension.
Step Three: Don’t post pictures of yourself looking like you’ve just eaten the planet’s entire supply of smug. This won’t necessarily stop you getting fired, but it might stop a few people being happy about it.
What, a leftard acting unilaterally?!!?!?!?! Quick, someone call the UN Security Council!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 02 15 at 01:52 PM • permalinkIt screams out “sanctimonious twit”, doesn’t it, ushie?
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 02 15 at 02:13 PM • permalinkLines like these might lead to workplace tension.
I have to disagree with you there, Tim. This IS the “Clinton News Network” after all. His opinions are likely shared by nearly everyone else working there… in fact, may be rather mild in comparison. His mistake was expressing them elsewhere.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 02 15 at 02:25 PM • permalinkFight the Power Point, man! [clenched-fist salute] Free Huey—and Louie and Dewey, man!
Posted by andycanuck on 2008 02 15 at 02:30 PM • permalinkOh gawd. I was just perusing the reader comments at the NY Slimes City Room blog: Pazienza ain’t got nothing on those morons when it comes to partisan leftist gobbledygook.
Did you know CNN is in the bag for the Bush Regime™?
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 02 15 at 02:55 PM • permalinkMy goodness. I knew there was a reason I barely bother with leftard blogs. I let people like Tim suffer those for me.
You’ll never know how much I appreciate that, Tim!
Back to this twit, he’s more than a few cans short of a slab, isn’t he?
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2008 02 15 at 03:54 PM • permalink“We’ve come to understand that Bush has the IQ of a lemon…”
He’s smart enough to be able to hold onto to his job.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 15 at 04:45 PM • permalink#15 Dave Surls
That’s one of the root causes of Bush Derangement Syndrome: how is it possible for someone with “the IQ of a lemon” outsmart them. Over and over again…
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 02 15 at 04:55 PM • permalink“Otherwise, CNN is likely to be troubled by a senior producer at a vanilla deal like American Morning writing the following: We’ve come to understand that Bush has the IQ of a lemon…”
I’ll bet they’re troubled. If it became known that pretty much everybody in the media is an ober-leftist supporter of the Democrats it would kind of wreck their masquerade of objective news reporting.
OTOH, everyone with a brain in their head already knows that the media is totally biased (most of its membership leans so far to the left it’s a miracle they don’t all fall over), so I don’t know why they’re getting all upset about it.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 15 at 05:12 PM • permalink“I was never one of those people who believed that Condi Rice was a genius to begin with…”
She appears to be smart enough not to get addicted to heroin…which is more than we can say for you.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 15 at 07:12 PM • permalink“We’ve come to understand that Bush has the IQ of a lemon and accept that he’ll never be able to approach any situation, no matter how significant, with anything but the most rudimentary of motor skills. He’s a dumb, lumbering jackass, and we know it.”
Could be. But, on 9/11/01 when he was lumbering around trying to deal with a terror attack, you were sponging off mommy and daddy while you tried to kick your smack habit. I guess that’s what smart people do when their wives kick them to the curb, and their employees get fed up with trying to deal with a junkie…smartly find someone else to sponge off.
Luckily, you were smart enough to have well-to-do parents. Poor junkies usually end up sleeping on the streets.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 15 at 08:31 PM • permalink‘Free Huey—and Louie and Dewey, man!
Thanks, andy, you made an old man smile.
(Dunno if the young kids will get it.)
Posted by Harry Eagar on 2008 02 16 at 12:19 AM • permalinkHow could his “167-word biography” leave out the part about being a smug, self-righteous prick that reasonable people hate for a really good reason? I’ll bet this jerk is a real prize at a party with a couple of drinks in him. I wonder if he’s ever been punched out by some really pissed-off member of the crowd who just can’t take any more of his crap?
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2008 02 16 at 12:27 AM • permalinkWe’ve come to understand that Bush has the IQ of a lemon and accept that he’ll never be able to approach any situation, no matter how significant, with anything but the most rudimentary of motor skills. He’s a dumb, lumbering jackass, and we know it.
I’ve come to understand that President Bush’s rope-a-dope power is simply beyond mythic in its scope. No matter how many times the chimp hands them their arses, they still cling devoutly to that mantra. It’s truly awe-inspiring.
“How To Avoid Being Fired…”
Here’s another little helpful tip. If you want to retain a job in upper management, don’t go around trumpeting the fact that you’re a former heroin addict. These kind of revelations tend to make the uppermost levels of management a tad bit nervous.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 16 at 03:26 AM • permalinkwell, he’s written this.
Seems at least intelligent enough to spot the real villains. That makes a nice change.
Posted by carpefraise on 2008 02 16 at 05:22 AM • permalinkIf I were a drunken bag lady face down in the gutter, I’d still think I was smarter than some dickhead with emmys.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2008 02 16 at 12:00 PM • permalinkWow, the only thing missing from that picture is the nozzle on top of his head.
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2008 02 16 at 04:12 PM • permalink
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Hmmm…
Looks like the web nanny objects to deusexmalcontent…
Thus once again proving my thesis: Machines Is Dumb