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A MODERN FABLE

Canadian teenagers head out on a journey to - as usual - raise awareness of global warming:

The boys, who call themselves the Team Rioters, left Hope July 10, and after four grueling days on their boards they managed to make it to Parksville.

Chris Roberts, 15, said the group’s original goal was to long board from Hope all the way to Tofino.

“We had to stop our run in Parksville after we found out from a lot of people that the highway to Tofino was too dangerous and that boarders are not aloud to ride it,” said Roberts.

The boys had no other choice than to pick up their boards and take a bus the rest of the way.

They just weren’t aloud. Life is cruel.

Posted by Tim B. on 07/18/2007 at 11:45 AM
  1. “We had to stop our run in Parksville after we found out from a lot of people that the highway to Tofino was too dangerous and that boarders are not aloud to ride it,”

    Maybe if they had promised to be vewwy, vewwy quiet. In any event, what did they expect, after abandoning Hope.

    Posted by paco on 2007 07 18 at 12:07 PM • permalink

  2. I thought environmentalists hate highways/freeways/expressways/motorways?

    Posted by Rajan R on 2007 07 18 at 12:09 PM • permalink

  3. Sissies. If they really cared about global warming they should have walked not taken the bus.

    Posted by Retread on 2007 07 18 at 12:11 PM • permalink

  4. They’re from Hope. “And maybe we can change things.”
    With skateboards? What are they putting in school drinking water there? Obviously not critical thinking.
    They must still be teaching Esperanto in Canada.

    Posted by mareeS on 2007 07 18 at 12:11 PM • permalink

  5. “They want to make this type of trip an annual event, and each time they would like to travel farther and have more people involved.”

    I doubt it. Next year they’ll probably be distracted by funny feelings about girls and hair in strange places.

    Posted by ThinAndBritish on 2007 07 18 at 12:11 PM • permalink

  6. Another great moment in Canadian “jornalism.”

    Posted by rick mcginnis on 2007 07 18 at 12:21 PM • permalink

  7. Another great moment in Canadian “jornalism.”

    I prefer to call it journaljizzm

    Posted by murph on 2007 07 18 at 12:22 PM • permalink

  8. What I don’t understand is how the interviewer knew that the kid had misspelled the word when speaking it.

    Posted by paco on 2007 07 18 at 12:37 PM • permalink

  9. “Life is cruel.”

    I think cruelty shouldn’t be aloud.

    Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 18 at 12:38 PM • permalink

  10. What a bunch of wooses. When I was their age I skated to and from school uphill. On the NJ Turnpike. In the snow.

    Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2007 07 18 at 12:44 PM • permalink

  11. ‘“We had to stop our run in Parksville after we found out from a lot of people that the highway to Tofino was too dangerous and that boarders are not aloud to ride it,” said Roberts.’

    Well, you should have said this, allowed “We should be aloud to travel this highway!”.

    Next thyme, speak up four yourself.

    Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 18 at 12:46 PM • permalink

  12. #10 That’s nothing. I had no legs because they’d been bitten off by rabbit ferrets. I had to bounce to school on the stumps. On red hot coals.

    Posted by ThinAndBritish on 2007 07 18 at 12:56 PM • permalink

  13. Well, there are worse ways for a teen to spend his time. I’ve always wanted to visit Tofino. But I plan to do the trip in a CO2-spewing gas guzzler.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 07 18 at 12:59 PM • permalink

  14. #12 I mean rabid ferrets pimf

    Posted by ThinAndBritish on 2007 07 18 at 01:00 PM • permalink

  15. #10: Hunh! You think you had it rough? Our skateboards were made from old barrel staves and lawnmower wheels, and the only way to school was over a muddy pig path. In fact, now that I think about it, it wasn’t a school at all; it was a textile mill, and we had to work 15 hours a day.

    Posted by paco on 2007 07 18 at 01:03 PM • permalink

  16. #10, 15

    And you tell the young people these days, and they wooont believe it.

    Posted by mareeS on 2007 07 18 at 01:10 PM • permalink

  17. Christ, you guys are sissies.

    Things were so bad where I lived, that we all died in infancy and never even had a chance to skateboard.

    Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 18 at 01:11 PM • permalink

  18. #17 Dave Surls….. Geez, Dave the guys were just getting warmed up. You went and cut the hyperbole short with your died in infancy bit.

    Posted by greene on 2007 07 18 at 01:34 PM • permalink

  19. SKATEBOARD? Gravel on bum, over hot tar, into shoebox burnt to ground and THEN cook dinner on leftover coals. I’m migrating to Australia.

    Posted by mareeS on 2007 07 18 at 01:36 PM • permalink

  20. #12 & #14 ...

    Sorry, no corrections are aloud.  Bee sides, I liked rabbit ferrets better eny way.

    Posted by quasimodo on 2007 07 18 at 01:55 PM • permalink

  21. #17 Dave: Does this mean that you’re actually being “channeled” by John Edwards?

    Posted by paco on 2007 07 18 at 01:58 PM • permalink

  22. #18: Geez, Dave the guys were just getting warmed up. You went and cut the hyperbole short with your died in infancy bit.

    We didn’t have hyperbole when I was a kid, either. We saved up our words for months, and even then all we had was some tall talk.

    Posted by paco on 2007 07 18 at 02:02 PM • permalink

  23. I drove at 220km/h through the tunnel on my way to work today.  I did it to raise awareness of global warming. (And possibly to raise the size of my carbon footprint).

    Seems you can do anything (stupid or otherwise) and be respected and these days as long as you do it in the name of Global Warming.

    Posted by Baron on 2007 07 18 at 02:14 PM • permalink

  24. Whn ws kd, ddn’t hv vwls, jst cnsnnts.

    Hp and Tfn ddn’t vn xst.

    Nr dd sktbds, thr.

    Sckd.

    Posted by SSG Pooh on 2007 07 18 at 02:15 PM • permalink

  25. Ruined by a spurious “a.”

    Arrrrgh.

    Posted by SSG Pooh on 2007 07 18 at 02:16 PM • permalink

  26. Hehe… at first I thought that was ‘frame-shift’ on your keyboard…

    Posted by Baron on 2007 07 18 at 02:18 PM • permalink

  27. #24 SSG Pooh: I just assumed that you had stolen it out of a rich kid’s house.

    Posted by paco on 2007 07 18 at 02:25 PM • permalink

  28. Yeah, Paco.

    John Edwrds’.

    Posted by SSG Pooh on 2007 07 18 at 02:29 PM • permalink

  29. How do the little nitwits think those skateboards were manufactured?  Pooped out by polar bears?

    If I caught my thirteen year old boy skateboarding on the highway, he’d have more to worry about than global warming.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 07 18 at 02:31 PM • permalink

  30. They’re from Hope. “And maybe we can change things.”
    With skateboards? What are they putting in school drinking water there? Obviously not critical thinking.

    Eh? Didn’t you know? Problems are always solved by grand symbolic gestures, and no matter how petty they are, any gesture performed by a narcissist is “grand”.

    Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 07 18 at 02:35 PM • permalink

  31. Ask them how the tires and ballbearings in their wheels were manufactured…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 07 18 at 03:03 PM • permalink

  32. They weren’t aloud? More savage repression of speech!

    Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2007 07 18 at 03:16 PM • permalink

  33. “When I started out in computer programming, all we had was ones and zeros.”
    “You had zeros? We had to use the letter’O’”.

    -Dilbert cartoon

    Posted by Merlin on 2007 07 18 at 03:33 PM • permalink

  34. Rex Kramer: Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and get kicked… in the head… with an iron boot? Of course you don’t, no one does. It never happens. It’s a dumb question… skip it.

    Posted by Jeffersonian on 2007 07 18 at 03:46 PM • permalink

  35. “Canadian teenagers head out on a journey to - as usual - raise awareness of global warming:”

    What is this global warming of which you speak?  I have not heard this term before and know not what it means.  Surely I am not alone.

    (And if you look over there you will see the spaceship I just arrived on from Pluto.)

    Posted by kcom on 2007 07 18 at 04:11 PM • permalink

  36. Not nearly as funny as the recent saga of the fuckwits who took off down the Yukon River to raise awareness of global warming.

    They had their camera crew in a second boat which smashed into a bridge or a log or something on Day 1 and the “crew” had to be rescued by police in power boats.

    Us Canadians are always good for a quiet, polite chuckle.

    Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 07 18 at 05:03 PM • permalink

  37. There they go, doing something.

    Posted by kae on 2007 07 18 at 05:36 PM • permalink

  38. When I was a kid skateboards were a 2x4 and a disassembled skate, and heaven was a smooth patio. Bongo boards were more fun.

    Posted by Mike H. on 2007 07 18 at 05:57 PM • permalink

  39. Gary @ #10
    “What a bunch of wooses. When I was their age I skated to and from school uphill. On the NJ Turnpike. In the snow.”

    The article indicates the young lads made the trip from Hope to Parksville solely on their boards. What’s missing is their extraordinary feat of crossing a minor 50km wide water obstacle on their boards.

    Hope BC => Rambo: First Blood. See the movie, see the town.

    Cheers

    Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 07 18 at 06:04 PM • permalink

  40. I’ve noticed that the title changes with the seasons.  In the Northern Hemisphere it’s summer, so we must call it “Global Warming” there.  In the Southern Hemisphere it’s winter, so it’s “Climate Change”.

    BTW, last night Brisbane Airport recorded its first sub-zero temperature ever.

    Posted by craigo on 2007 07 18 at 06:23 PM • permalink

  41. #4, mareeS:

    What are they putting in school drinking water there?

    Fluoride. We let the commie bastards pollute our precious body fluids and now we see the predicted outcome.

    If only we had all listened to Gen. J. D. Ripper, before it was too late.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2007 07 18 at 06:29 PM • permalink

  42. #17 Oh, what I wouldn’t have given to have had an infancy.  Back in my day the egg & sperm weren’t even allowed to co-mingle they had to sit side by side on the board; which was just a rock anyhow.

    Posted by rbj1 on 2007 07 18 at 06:38 PM • permalink

  43. I, for one, would like to thank these young men for raising my awareness. I had never heard of “global warming” before. A glass of lemonade and a bong hit to each of them.

    Posted by dean martin on 2007 07 18 at 06:43 PM • permalink

  44. #42, rbj1:

    Man, you’re so lucky! Back in my day, mom’s and dad’s weren’t even aloud (gotta keep it real, doncha know?) to touch each other. Eggs and sperm had to visualize contact.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2007 07 18 at 06:46 PM • permalink

  45. #36

    We didn’t hear about that!

    Perhaps because it would have raised awareness of the fuckwits wanting to raise our awareness.

    Posted by kae on 2007 07 18 at 06:47 PM • permalink

  46. We were too poor to afford a skateboard and had to make do with a roof shingle with one stale biscuit for a wheel. It was made even more difficult because our father hated us and paved the driveway with oyster shells and beer bottle caps, and he would shoot at us with his .22
    After a giant hogzilla ate the wheel (along with my brother Billy) we gave up skateboarding. Some time I’ll tell you about our scooter adventures.

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 07 18 at 06:47 PM • permalink

  47. There is global warming? Holy crap! Why didn’t one of the newspapers have an article about this or something.

    Thank goodness for the work of these young lads.

    Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 07 18 at 07:25 PM • permalink

  48. I’m pretty sure the highway from Hope to Parkville was dangerous, too, and probably just as off-limits to skateboarders.

    Funny how much more respect for law and order “The Rioters” have when their little legs get tired.

    Posted by Tatterdemalian on 2007 07 18 at 07:36 PM • permalink

  49. Fresh out of Hope,
    On the Last Bus to Parkville ...
    (I feel a song coming on)

    Take the last Bus to Parkeville,
    Mum Will meet you at the Station,
    Stay in touch via your cell phone,
    Skateboard wheels don’t need inflation!
    Oh, no, no, no!
    Oh, no, no, no!
    Tell me one day you are really leaving home!

    Posted by blogstrop on 2007 07 18 at 07:48 PM • permalink

  50. #46
    a roof shingle with one stale biscuit for a wheel
    We had to make do with a flattened 2-4-5T drum and a large rock.  When my little sister got her leg trapped under the rock, we had to amputate her leg with a ball peen hammer.  Boy, did I get a flogging for wasting barbed wire on the tourniquet.

    Posted by lotocoti on 2007 07 18 at 08:40 PM • permalink

  51. When I was young, catching the bus with a skateboard meant grabbing onto any protruding attachment as the bus went past and getting dragged along at top speed.

    Too bad for any exposed skin if you hit a pot hole.

    Posted by mr creosote on 2007 07 18 at 08:57 PM • permalink

  52. #50, lotocoti:

    You had hammers and wire for medicinal uses? Wow, how spoiled and decadent is that?

    We only had red hot pokers. And not even metal ones. Wooden hot pokers.

    Got splinters in your finger? Burn it out with red hot wooden pokers. Cut yourself? Red hot wooden pokers will seal it up. Got a cold? Cant go to school? Mom approaching your bedside with a red hot wooden poker to cure your sore throat always seemed to cure it right up, just before she’d cross the threshold into the room. Amazing stuff, those red hot wooden pokers.

    Of course, they also served as wonderful motivators to avoid STD.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2007 07 18 at 09:00 PM • permalink

  53. I’ve never trusted skateboards ever since that Leif Garrett film. This is validating that mistrust.

    Posted by Simon Darkshade on 2007 07 19 at 01:14 AM • permalink

  54. I once saw a bumpersticker that said, “So many skateboarders, so little time.” It would seem too apply particularly well here.

    Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 07 19 at 11:04 AM • permalink

  55. Brisbane’s first sub-zero temperature? Where do they think they are, Texas?

    Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 07 19 at 11:18 AM • permalink

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