Tuesday, April 19, 2005
APPLY THE ADAMSIZER
Phillip Adams declares:
The US Commander-in-Chief has the world’s worst record on capital punishment.
George W. Bush presided over 152 executions during his six years as Texas governor. By contrast, China once executed 1,781 people in just three months during 2001, according to Amnesty International. Bush would’ve needed to execute 42,744 Texans during his governorship to equal that rate. But why mock poor Phillip? Instead, we can Adamsize Bush by applying an Adams-level 28,121% exaggeration to other areas of Bush’s career:
Genuine George:: Elected for two terms as US President
Adamsized George: Elected for 562 terms as US President
Genuine George: Registered a 0.10 blood-alcohol level after his 1976 DUI arrest
Adamsized George: Registered a 28.12 blood-alcohol level. And he was still able to drive!
Genuine George: Born in 1946
Adamsized George: Born in 547234—more than half a million years into the future!
Genuine George: Scored 566 verbal and 640 math in his SATs
Adamsized George: Scored 159164 verbal and 179974 math. Super genius!
Genuine George: Bush, we may assume, has driven a motor vehicle at 55 mph.
Adamsized George: Bush has driven a motor vehicle at 15,466 mph! He holds the world land speed record!
Genuine George: Defeated John Kerry by 3.5 million votes
Adamsized George: Defeated John Kerry by 984 million votes—more than three times the population of the United States!
Genuine George: Will inspire at least 30 Phillip Adams columns by the end of his Presidency
Adamsized George: Will inspire at least 8,436 Phillip Adams columns by the end of his Presidency
Curse that Adamsizer. It cuts both ways.
(Via contributor Alan R.M. Jones)