BLOODLETTING COMPLETED

Peter Roebuck wishes Australians and Indians could just get along:

At last the bloodletting has been completed and it’s time to get on with the cricket. Beyond argument, the debate sparked by Anil Kumble’s devastating remark has been fierce but it also has been productive.

So Kumble’s to blame, is he? Roebuck’s own publishers seem to think Peter had something to do with this bloodletting “debate”, which Roebuck was talking up even after his notorious column:

ABC cricket commentator Peter Roebuck says there are still serious doubts about next week’s Perth Test going ahead.

Roebuck says there is little chance of the two captains being part of any conciliatory talks.

“These two sides are so far apart right now that I think the Perth Test has got no more than a 40 per cent chance of taking place …” he said.

Good call, sir! About his reaction following the last Test, Roebuck now writes:

To my mind, the fifth day resembled events at the Oval in 2005. Readers may recall the exception taken in this column to the grandiose excesses laid on by the host when supposed bad light stopped play on the Sunday of that fifth and final Test of an epic series. Wild-eyed supporters cheered this apparently regrettable and certainly idiotic turn of events and the organisers sent out a lady to lead the crowd in renditions of Land of Hope and Glory and Rule Britannia. The triumphalism was objectionable and the point was forcefully made in papers on both sides of the world. Thereabouts, your correspondent was not quite so easily cast as an English snob, a designation wider than Devon Malcolm’s loosest delivery!

What a snobbish thing to say about Devon Malcolm. And in conclusion:

Everyone needs to move beyond the reprisal mentality.

Writes the guy who called for one quarter of the Australian team to be fired. Unbelievable.

UPDATE. India cleaning up in Perth; Australia 5/61, Instant Karma 2/4.

Posted by Tim B. on 01/16/2008 at 06:20 PM
    1. It almost defies belief that Roebuck is still employed. Then I remember those three little letters that will save us all, from everything… “ABC”.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 16 at 06:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. A cricket thread? Get Paco in here immediately!

      Posted by Penguin on 2008 01 16 at 06:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. I still haven’t figured out what this is about.  Is Roebuck incensed because an Australian cricket team won, and victory is so “imperialistic”?  Or does he have his panties in a bunch because the Australian team (code: oppressive white) beat an Indian team (code:  oppressed brown)?  Or did the cricket players actually show poor sportsmanship and behave badly, and that’s his beef?  It’s hard to tell from what he writes.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 16 at 06:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. #3 All three, I think Rebecca.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 16 at 06:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. OT Australian of the year perhaps?

      Posted by Penguin on 2008 01 16 at 06:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. Like I said over and over, there was nothing at all that Ponting and co did that justified Roebuck’s reaction, which is why he is now reduced to complaining about a lack of manners:

      “a feeling that the hosts had forgotten themselves, had forgotten about sport and sportsmanship in a desperate pursuit of victory. It was the lack of manners that stuck in the craw.”

      Even here he was wrong, as the Australians shook the Indian players hands after the match in the normal way. Being a loner and a snob the guy just can’t stand to see a team of mates enjoying a win for a even a few minutes after a close and tense match.

      “those heady and hysterical five days in Sydney”…

      Hysterical? The only thing hysterical about it was his column the next day.

      “Most locals dismissed the complaint as a petty gripe from a disgruntled expatriate but Angus Fraser, the best among them, offered staunch support.”

      I don’t know many people who regard Fraser as the best among anyone, at anything, but he’s a friend who agreed with Roebuck, so it appears that’s what qualifies him to be “the best”.

      Have you also noticed what absolute bulldust the guy talks about the very game he is supposed to be an expert on:

      “Australian batsmen also are well-suited to faster pitches. Most use the full blade of the bat and play vigorous, as opposed to delicate, shots, cuts and pulls or drives down the ground. Michael Hussey is the exception, a consummate professional with the best extra-cover drive in the game and a skilful, constructed defence.”

      Has he never seen a Ponting or Clarke cover-drive? A Hayden defensive shot? It seems that for Roebuck truth comes second to a nicely-weighted paragraph. (Although notice what a mess the second sentence of this paragraph is—for a supposed highbrow “writer” he often puts out some very ordinary English).

      Posted by Blithering Bunny on 2008 01 16 at 07:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. Another cricket thread! It’s good for what ails you.

      The only thing limper than Roebuck’s weasling was the WACA pitch. It’s called grass, Mr. Curator. Learn to grow it. If you can’t, ask a bikie or a high school kid.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 16 at 07:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. IT

      I have a sneaking suspicion that the curator may have “decided” to prepare a flat, dead track so that the Australian bowling attack would be unable to tear several new assholes in the Indian batting line up.

      Posted by murph on 2008 01 16 at 07:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. #8 – Murph.

      You’re probably right. Couple of Indian deaths may see the tour called off for real. Plus the WACA is so cash strapped they need it to go five days.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 16 at 07:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. What’s the bet Roebuck has a book in the works?

      Ironically, the new Indian car, the TaTa is a homophone to a polite send off. May it get plenty of use.

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 16 at 07:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. Important information for Paco and other American readers: Cricket was once a game, not a soap opera.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 16 at 07:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. #3 are you joking? Have you seen the real list of finalists?

      Stephen Page
      Pioneering choreographer (Abbo artiste)

      Victoria
      Stuart Appleby (golf player)

      Queensland
      Lee Kernaghan (musician?)

      Western Australia
      Mark Bin Bakar
      Indigenous arts leader (Abbo ratbag)

      South Australia
      Scott Hicks (long-haired recipient of state funds)
      Filmmaker

      Tasmania
      Ken Gourlay
      World record sailor

      Australian Capital Territory
      Lin Hatfield Dodds
      Social justice advocate (Non-Abbo ratbag)

      Northern Territory
      Professor Jonathan Carapetis
      Researcher and paediatrician

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 16 at 07:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. We might run out of umpires before the series’ end, with Tendulkar judged caught behind off his pads yesterday. Pakistani umpire, wasn’t it? Hell, that might be enough to set off nuclear war in the sub-continent.

      Posted by Dminor on 2008 01 16 at 08:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. 29th july 1882
      a day of infamy in the history of cricket!
      (ok, tis my pathetic attempt to post some relative comment on a cricket thread)

      Posted by missred on 2008 01 16 at 08:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. #14 – Thanks for that missred.

      The only thing better than watching cricket is reading about cricket. What other sport could produce this:

      But the Gentlemen of Scotland enjoyed their tea, reflecting that all they had to do now was to beat 122 and then stay in to prevent the game going to a second innings before time was called at 6.00 p.m. The crowd were entertained by the band of the 3rd Batallion of the Royal Scots under the leadership of a German called Herr Manglesdorff. As strains of the “Blue Danube” mingled with “Afton Water” and “We’re Soldiers of the Queen”, Leslie Balfour-Melville braced himself to play the innings of his life.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 16 at 08:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. #12
      Nic
      They all make it look a pretty pointless exercise, don’t they.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 16 at 08:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. my personal favourite phrase from the article:

      the Colonials (as they were called – a nickname considerably more acceptable than the “Convicts”!)

      Posted by missred on 2008 01 16 at 08:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. (going back to behaving again)

      Posted by missred on 2008 01 16 at 08:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. #18 Don’t! Missbehavingred suits you just fine.

      Posted by Dminor on 2008 01 16 at 08:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. #15

      But sadly, apart from the Bodyline mini series, cricket doesn’t translate into movie material like baseball does.

      But in shock developments I’ve discovered (in the Iowahawk, dumpster diving style) a portion of original lyrics to the American classic Take Me To The Ball Game.

      They were actually written in 1907 by a homesick expatriate Australian working in Tin Pan Alley called Shelby Right-Mate:

      Take me out to the test match,
      Take me out to the ground;
      Buy me some XXXX ‘n hot meat pies,
      Sitting in sun and swatting the flies.
      Let me cheer, cheer, cheer the home team,
      If they don’t win, the ref’s to blame.
      For it’s six, six, ‘n three wickets to spare,
      At the old test match.

      Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2008 01 16 at 08:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. SR Tendulkar lbw b Lee 71 128 9 0 55.46

      for 13 above

      He was not out lbw, but efore the Indians get carried away, he was out earlier but not given.  But they will not remember this “luck” at all.

      Also, Dravid was out plumb before, but not given.

      Aust 1 – India 2 so far on the umpire calls.

      And what about Clarke’s poor catch attempt and Symonds non-reaction to the wicket of Dravid?  Bizarre!

      Posted by peter m on 2008 01 16 at 08:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Explosion at NSW Hunter Valley winery takes two lives. One seriously injured.

      More here about “the curse”.

      I know it’s inconceivable, but… Wine terrorists.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 16 at 09:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22 Wine terrorists (?)

      That’s it then. It’s war.

      Woe-betide anyone who prevents Nicky and I from quaffing Australia’s finest.

      On a serious note, what an awful workplace accident.

      — Nora
      Also responsible for #20

      Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2008 01 16 at 09:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22 Wine terrorists? It’s only a matter of time before they’re tracked down and killed by the wine-drinking infidels then!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 16 at 09:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. Could be a

      (cue twilight zone music…)

      Teetotal conspiracy… by the Presos!

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 16 at 09:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. #23

      #22 Wine terrorists (?)

      That’s it then. It’s war.

      i got your back, nora!

      yes, it is a horrible accident and sounds like the family is indeed cursed.

      Posted by missred on 2008 01 16 at 09:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. #25
      good one, kae!!

      Posted by missred on 2008 01 16 at 09:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. Wine terrorists have been around for some time. Their ususal M.O is to corner you at a party and to regale you about about a cheeky little sangiovese they quaffed at a cantina in Spain, grown on a rocky hill that received morning sun and afternoon breeze. The grapes were picked only after advisement from a travelling mime and were then given a first pressing between the breasts of the oldest village man’s youngest teenage female relative. The resulting juice was then filtered through a newly married bride’s bedsheets and stored in a french oak cask that Hemingway had vomited behind while witnessing the Spanish Civil War…

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 16 at 09:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. #28 You got accosted by that guy at my work Christmas Party too, didn’t you? What excuse did you use to escape?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 16 at 09:49 PM • permalink

 

    1. #28, nah, that lot are wine-kers

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 16 at 10:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. #30
      Yeah, and the wine-kers can’t hurt you. Bore you to death, maybe, but it doesn’t physically harm you (unless you don’t move away!)Terrorists, however…

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 16 at 10:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Bomb can’t shatter Digger spirit!

      The warrior spirit, alive and well in Australia.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2008 01 16 at 10:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. Dear Mr Infidel Tiger, Sangiovese comes from Italy you dork. Tempranillo from Spain is what you want.

      Yours sincerely

      Sir Supercilious Sneer of Snobsworth

      Posted by noir on 2008 01 16 at 11:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Having fled the dusty little town of Saguaro Gulch, in an effort to escape the Great Cricket Controversy, the Paco Kid slowed his horse, Capital Gains, from a gallop to a leisurely walk. After several hours under the broiling Arizona sun, he entered the Cabeza Prieta country: a nearly waterless waste of eroded volcanic hills, organ pipe cactus, and diamond-back rattlesnakes. Yes!  Peace at last.

      An ear-piercing scream shattered his momentary dream of quiet and solitude. He spurred Capital Gains down an arroyo, and climbed the bank by a sun-blasted boulder. In the sparse shadow cast by a low hill, he saw an Apache encampment, where several braves variously stood or squatted by a human form staked to the ground. Having had some friendly dealings with the Apache’s before, the Paco Kid boldly rode his horse into the encampment. A short, stocky and obviously powerful warrior walked apart from his fellows and raised a hand. The Paco Kid did the same, as he dismounted.

      Paco Kid: “How, Chief!”

      Brave: “How me know? Him in Scottsdale, play senior golf tournament. Him have pretty good handicap, though, so I guess him do ok. Me called Sly dog.

      Paco Kid: “No, no, I meant . . . Skip it. Who’s that, yonder, you got pegged to the ground?”

      Sly Dog: “Him name ‘Roebuck’”.

      Paco Kid (reeling): “Roebuck? You don’t mean . . .”

      Roebuck: “Thank God! A white man! Listen, be a good bloke and tell these savages to let me go, will you?”

      Paco Kid (turning to brave): “Say, how in blazes did you get hold of him?”

      Sly Dog: “Me have no idea. It your story; you figure out.”

      Paco Kid: “ No time for that, now. At least, tell me why you’ve got him staked out like that.”

      Sly Dog: “Him make bad medicine against great white father, Ponting. Apache no like. We tie ‘em to ground, feed to ants.”

      Paco Kid: “The ants seem kind of uninterested.”

      Sly Dog: “That because we got ‘em no honey to rub on Roebuck. Had to use Vegemite. Make ants sick.”

      Paco Kid Squinting: “Hmm. You know, I don’t recollect ever seein’ ants throw up before.”

      Roebuck: “Yoo-hoo! Remember me? I’m the bloke tied to the ant hill. So, if you two are quite finished discussing the sensitive digestion of the desert ant and the perfectly understandable revulsion he displays toward this ghastly salve, I’d be obliged if one of you would cut me loose.”

      Paco Kid: “Whaddaya say, Sly Dog? Not much honor in torturing a guy like him.”

      Sly Dog: “Ugh! You say ‘em true, Paleface! Him do nothing but cry like girl, and say things like “This not cricket, Ol’ Top” and “Me take it back! Ponting heap big medicine man!”; then beg for tea and cucumber sandwiches. Me cut loose.”

      Roebuck staggers to his feet. The Paco Kid pauses for a minute, then reluctantly extends a hand.

      Paco Kid: “Climb up behind me, Mister. I’ll carry you to Saguaro Gulch. (Grimaces and says in a dangerously low voice . . .) If you don’t mind, take your arms from around my waist and just hold on to the back of the saddle.”

      Roebuck: Oh. Er, sorry, old fellow. Say, I really appreciate your getting me out of that jam. When I get back to Australia, I’m going to write you up in a newspaper article. What’s your name?”

      Paco Kid ( thinking quickly): Uh . . . Wranglin’ Wronwright.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 16 at 11:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. #33 – Is that you Roebuck?

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 16 at 11:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. Odd.

      Before Roebuck became an Australian citizen, he was fairly sane in his comments re Australina cricket.

      Now he’s gone ga-ga.

      Could this be another case of the Left’s self-loathing?

      Now that he’s “One of Us”, everything Australian must be racist, wrong, unfair and an embarrasment to the rest of the world.

      If the cricket boot fits…

      Posted by BB77 on 2008 01 16 at 11:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. update re 21 – Dhoni out to a bad decision

      Aust 2 – India 3

      Umpires doing well to “only” stuff up 5 times in 1 innings.

      2 super catches in the innings – real classic catches.

      India all out for 330 after looking to score 500 late yesterday.

      Aust to get a 150 – 200 run lead.  Ponting to bag a 100.

      Posted by peter m on 2008 01 16 at 11:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. #37 as Roebuck would say, ‘whacko’

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 17 at 12:03 AM • permalink

 

    1. #12 – are you serious?  Is that really the list of Nominees for Australian of the Year? How uninspiring!  They shouldn’t bother if that’s the best list they can make up.  Personally I’d give it to Barry Humphries but I don’t know how many people would agree with me.  It’s a shame that we probably can’t give it to Rupert Murdoch, who is the most influential Australian-born person alive, without question.  Or how about Cate Blanchette, Judy Davis or George Miller? They might have filthy liberal hearts but at least they’ve achieved something impressive.

      Arthur Boyd was a worthy recipient in 1995 while I was an undergradute, and I remember some dim fellow-student whingeing that they’d given it to “another old anglo guy” – which made me wonder if there was any point to rewarding outstanding achievement if people would only view it in terms of class, race and gender anyway.

      And maybe it is a bad idea – after all, there’s not an award for “Frenchperson of the Year”, “American of the Year” or “Briton of the Year”, is there?  Maybe the very concept is a bit naff.

      Posted by Ben P on 2008 01 17 at 12:32 AM • permalink

 

    1. PS – Roebuck is now an utter joke, having made a pratt of himself once too often – he should be called the Queen of Hearts, always ready to cry “off with their heads!”

      Posted by Ben P on 2008 01 17 at 12:33 AM • permalink

 

    1. #39 re #12
      Fill your boots Ben P.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 12:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. #35 Merely a cynical imitation.

      Posted by noir on 2008 01 17 at 12:49 AM • permalink

 

    1. We should return to the tradition of having the Australian cricket captain as Austalian of the Year. Ricky Ponting would be a marvellous recipient.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 17 at 01:06 AM • permalink

 

    1. Wrangling Wronwright. On a cricket thread. Now I’ve seen everything.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 17 at 01:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. What a snobbish thing to say about Devon Malcolm.

      I think it was Tony Greig who called Malcolm, “the man they couldn’t hang”.

      You’ll see why here…

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 01:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. #43 Tiger

      I think with Rudderless running the show, (and especially with his new sideburns that the ABC are positively drooling over), I reckon the AotY for 2008 will be…

      Robin Williams.

      Nice “segue” from Flummery if you catch my drift… for services to moonbattery and shonky science.

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 01:19 AM • permalink

 

    1. #6 Blithering
      Michael Hussey is the exception, a consummate professional with the best extra-cover drive in the game and a skilful, constructed defence.” Hussey was out for a duck in Perth about half an hour ago!

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 01:23 AM • permalink

 

    1. #45 – The man they couldn’t hang was Gladstone Small. Didn’t own a single neck tie.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 17 at 01:28 AM • permalink

 

    1. The all omnipotent Roebuck and Mr Tall Poppy have successfully gutted the Australian cricket team of it’s aggressive and ruthless determination to win. And in doing so, have given the Indian team a perverted moral high ground, to which the Australian cricket team must now tread with the caution of a soldier in an enemy mine field, lest they be accused of unsportsman like behaviour by a who’s who of antiqated or entirely irrelevant hypocricy of sporting dinosaurs.

      This third test in Perth is a classic case of reverse morality and false virtues, something the Indian cricket team has been practicing all too regularly in recent cricket memory.

      Is this the only way Indian can win? By asking us too question our own instinctive will to win, while entirely ignoring their own lazy arsed attitude and general apathy towards hard training cricketing perfection?

      Sad….

      4/43

      Very sad

      Posted by Roebutt on 2008 01 17 at 01:40 AM • permalink

 

    1. #46 Bonmot, you are pure evil. Your line about Kevin Rudd having new sidelines suddenly made me picture him looking like Wolverine from the X Men.

      Of course, that’s also hilarious… but mostly evil.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 17 at 02:01 AM • permalink

 

    1. #50 SideBURNS, dammit.

      My keyboard is evil.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 17 at 02:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. Ash,

      Those Rudd sideburns grow as economic folly ensues. It’s Pinocchioesque, is it not?!

      Posted by Roebutt on 2008 01 17 at 02:22 AM • permalink

 

    1. Ase_
      My keyboard is evil. Worry not my sweet.
      Bush made you do it.
      Or at the very least you can get Rudd to say “Sorry” for it….

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 02:23 AM • permalink

 

    1. Ase_

      My keyboard is even more evil than yours…

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 02:24 AM • permalink

 

    1. Give ‘em 5 for fighting and get back to the game. Like civilized people.

      Posted by dean martin on 2008 01 17 at 02:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. The Daily Tele even called the new sideburns in yesterday’s paper…
      The Return of The King.Now all we have to do is get fucking Rudd to leave the building!

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 02:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. Thank goodness to see we have a real contest at last.

      As for Roebuck, I will use an old news headline from ages ago for those in the know:

      Peter who?

      Posted by rbresca on 2008 01 17 at 02:30 AM • permalink

 

    1. update re 37 – ignore my predictions.  I should have realised after the wimp appealling the batting would fold like an origami between a jap whaler and greenpeace!!

      Posted by peter m on 2008 01 17 at 02:30 AM • permalink

 

    1. #53 All I need is for a bunch of those here to say that they’re insulted.

      Then I’ll be rolling in riches!

      Not to mention, I’ll be suing Bill Gates for installing demons into my keyboard.

      WOOHOO!!! Payday has come for the true believers!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 17 at 02:31 AM • permalink

 

    1. OT – Stuff the cricket. This game rocks!

      SLAP COREY

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 17 at 02:33 AM • permalink

 

    1. #60 The little shit deserves it too, considering what he did to his parents.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 17 at 02:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. P.S – Have just bitch slapped that cretin cretan knob 413m.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 17 at 02:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. I hate to disappoint you all, but the sideburns are gone now.

      Get a haircut, wife tells PM

      Posted by spot_the_dog on 2008 01 17 at 02:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. (and that came through on my PerthNow – BREAKING NEWS RSS – which probably says more about Perth than we would like)

      Posted by spot_the_dog on 2008 01 17 at 02:47 AM • permalink

 

    1. I.T apparantly Roebuck is working on his own version as we speak.

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 17 at 02:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. Gilly and Roy have scored 68 from the last 10 overs!

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 17 at 02:51 AM • permalink

 

    1. 45.
      The English cricket team are at a lunch meeting and the captain orders the turtle soup.
      An hour goes by and everyone else has had theirs and an embarassed Matrie D’ comes over and explains the soup is off.
      The captain asks why and the waiter replies “The turtle is unwilling to come out of its shell sir.”Botham springs up and says “I bet I know how to fix this” and goes through to the kitchen where he spots the chef poised with a cleaver over a turtle which wont poke its head out.
      Botham grabs the cleaver from the chef and says “Watch and learn.”

      Without futher ado he rams his middle finger up past the 2nd knuckle fair up the turtles clacker. The turtle, being a little startled by this shoots his neck out and promptly gets it whacked off with the cleaver.
      “Bloody hell” exclaimed the chef, “Ive never seen anything like it, where did you pick that trick up?”

      Botham replies “Well we had to get a tie on Gladstone before he met the queen didnt we?”

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 17 at 02:53 AM • permalink

 

    1. Last 5 overs – 50 runs! If theses two aren’t the most exciting players of the last 20 years, I’ll let Peter Roebuck spank me.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 17 at 03:05 AM • permalink

 

    1. Guys

      OT again…but it hasn’t taken too long for this bint person to throw her 2 cents worth in.

      http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23066609-2702,00.html

      Posted by mindfree on 2008 01 17 at 03:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. OT #69

      “It’s not a great image for the world and that coverage has gone around the world,’’ Ms Gillard told ABC radio in Melbourne today.

      Like the obnoxious protests and riots we have whenever world leaders gather here are a “great image” either?

      Like our Dear Leader being shown on Jay Leno eating his own ear boogers is a “great image”?

      Julia’s a goose.

      Posted by spot_the_dog on 2008 01 17 at 03:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. #69
      Yes. The bloke who was getting bashed/threatened was pleased at what happened.
      Stewpid chunt.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 03:40 AM • permalink

 

    1. Oops , pressed submit before I finished. Gillard says its not good for any bystanders to be affected by any residual spray, fair enough. However, from a friend who’s a cop, before they consider using capsicum spray, they for obvious reasons (such as the Fitzroy Legal Service) make bloody sure that the surrounds are free from any innocent parties before applying. The bystanders around these idiots may have appreciated the action just to shut them up.

      The suggestion to server lite beer only also falls flat as these hooligans will find ways of smuggling in grog or drink more beer and are probably just fanatical crazies anyway.

      Another inference that the police were too heavy handed is not what the force in Victoria needs at the moment.

      Posted by mindfree on 2008 01 17 at 03:48 AM • permalink

 

    1. Kae #71

      Yes, I’m sure Senior Constable Old who got bottles rained on him would have been very happy re: our Dep PM’s musings.

      Posted by mindfree on 2008 01 17 at 04:07 AM • permalink

 

    1. #23, Alright—Who’s been trampling out the vintage where the you-know-whats are stored?

      #49 Spot on.

      Y’all notice Margo’s Maid is back? It’s a sign, I tells ya!

      (they’re coming with that long-armed overcoat now, better dash…)

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 01 17 at 04:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. Coming in under the category of ‘surprise, surfuckingprise’, this didn’t take too long did it.

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2008 01 17 at 04:22 AM • permalink

 

    1. #73
      I reckon they’d be a bit more upset if the wollopers started shooting the bastards.No great loss, though.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 04:25 AM • permalink

 

    1. #75, for those who have assiduously collected all of Labors’ overblown promises over the past 12 months, the next few years are going to be kinda fun.

      Posted by spot_the_dog on 2008 01 17 at 04:29 AM • permalink

 

    1. #77 STD

      OK.. we nominate Promises Alienate Commonwealth Obligatories enterprises to keep the ledger. Is there another group for nomination ?

      Posted by mindfree on 2008 01 17 at 04:52 AM • permalink

 

    1. That should have read ‘I nominate’

      Posted by mindfree on 2008 01 17 at 04:56 AM • permalink

 

    1. #70 The left and the naive-university-graduate class love the “what will the neighbours think of us” argument. Expect to see it a lot in the next few years.

      It’s a pointless argument of course, most of the world won’t notice, and most that do wouldn’t be worried by it. Besides which, cowering before “international opinion” simply marks a country as weak and ineffectual and an easy victim for intimidation.

      Posted by Burbank on 2008 01 17 at 04:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Oh dear god, we’re all out for 212.

      Good thing I’m the last one in this godforsaken office so no one had to put up with the five minutes solid cursing.

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 05:11 AM • permalink

 

    1. This match will be over by day four with India on top barring some sort of miracle.  (Did we blow all its luck on getting Tim a good diagnosis and leave none for the cricket?)

      Miracle-praying-commencing … NOW

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 05:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. i’d rather have Tim than a win in the cricket.

      cricket is just a game

      Tim’s one of us.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 05:22 AM • permalink

 

    1. I never said it was a bad trade.

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 05:24 AM • permalink

 

    1. Roebuck The Soap Opera continues. Today Kumble has become ‘a good leader of men’ to R., despite being right at the middle of the Indian Maelstrom, and then the huge Climb Down too.
      The Indians have consummately won the peace after inexplicably losing the war.  All the talk today was about how well-behaved the Australians had ‘become’.
      No mention of the conviction of Harbie, the only behaviour issue that came from the game – a repeat of one in India recently.
      We are supposed to be so very grateful that the innocent Indians have deigned to play in Perth.
      A brilliant Sydney game by Australia has not got a look in. Well done, Indian officials.Note to Mr Beck and all the others who focused on the supposed silly appearance of our Roy:
      Today a swarthy Indian had ten times the amount of white sunscreen that made him look like The Phantom of The Opera [appropriately].
      Who was this exhibitionist taunting the crowd to insult him? None other than the saintly Tendulkar.
      Comment? Over to Mr Beck, and the other wise judges of these crickety appearance things.

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 01 17 at 05:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. #36 ‘Now he’s gone ga-ga. Could this be another case of the Left’s self-loathing?’
      Not much doubt about that, BB77, with maybe a bit of sexual confusion tension added.

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 01 17 at 05:34 AM • permalink

 

    1. All I can say, Barrie, is that Australia should invest in Indian PR managers.  I have no idea how it was they came out like saints, but everyone seems to be falling for it.  Imagine the dropping of charges against Hogg being billed as a ‘good will gesture’.  What tripe.

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 05:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. #84
      yeah Nathan C, I know.#87
      Spin bowlers.
      Spin Indian PR managers.
      Makes perfect sense.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 05:37 AM • permalink

 

    1. #87
      And team captain Kumble is himself a spinner…Suddenly its all clear to me.

      We’d put Warnie in as team coach to benefit from the pr spinning but there’s too much fear about his ideas for team bonding sessions…

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 05:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. “I have no idea how it was they came out like saints, but everyone seems to be falling for it.”

      I do.  It’s called acute post-colobialist guilt complex whereby non-Western people can act amorally and unethically without being responsible for their actions.

      It’s the same reason that a Saudi Muslim suicide bomber can murder 100 people in an Iraqi mosque and the West gets the blame.

      Posted by murph on 2008 01 17 at 05:45 AM • permalink

 

    1. colobialist?  Is that a word?

      PIMF

      Posted by murph on 2008 01 17 at 05:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. Yeah, another high-point of the doctrine of the ‘reality-based community’.  I wouldn’t mind so much if the Indians restricted that kind of angst to the English 😛

      At least we just got Jaffer’s post-colonialist arse out.

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 05:57 AM • permalink

 

    1. #90
      It’s all relative.To guilt. White man’s western guilt. Because they we’re all responsible for the ills of the world. Especially the brown peoples’ ills.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 05:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Anyone else alarmed that we’ve somehow managed to concede as many no-balls and wides in 10 overs as the Indians did in 50?

      I know the tap water here in Perth is enough to put almost anyone off their feed but still …

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 06:01 AM • permalink

 

    1. #94
      But they’ve been so polite about it.
      And that’s the most important thing…

      Posted by lotocoti on 2008 01 17 at 06:04 AM • permalink

 

    1. #95
      I have a filthy suspiscion that this match is going to end up reminding the general public why it is we play like bastards.  Whoever said winning isn’t everything was probably a Kiwi trying to console himself after a Test Match.Tait had to bowl ten bloody balls in that last over!

      I’m having to bite my tongue to stop spouting all sorts of kooky conspiracy theories about this match.  If I’m not sorry I’ll end up sounding like a Truther.  Heh, http://www.16-20JanTruth.org.au, its got a ring to it.

      Posted by Nathan_C on 2008 01 17 at 06:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. O/T, but jimminy bloody christmas- when’s News Ltd going to start publishing a fucking fanzine?

      Imagine the derision if such utter piffle was published about John and Janette Howard.

      Having backed the obnoxious little bastard they’re desperately trying to justify their support (in the face of increasing evidence of the idiocy of their decision), and they figure if they can make this little prick who really, really needs a slap into a celebrity, they can do it to anyone (or anything for that matter).

      Amazing also how the meeja hasn’t picked up the bare-faced lie spouted by Duran Duran impersonator Stephen Smith a few weeks ago, when a teensy bit of pressure was applied by the cetacean cuddlers; taxpayers are doing to get hosed to retrive a couple of scurvy, whiffy hippies who watched one too many Robert Newton movies, and who should have been either pitched overboard or clapped in irons and hurled in the brig, to be charged with piracy upon return to port.
      Their fantasy and smug self-importance isn’t limited to piratey posturing either- these mongs think they’re covered by the Geneva Convention(s)– in one way they are, in that they aren’t entitled to shit as non-uniformed partisans/brigands with no rank insignia, corps structure, chain of command or forms of identity; under the conventions the Nips would be entitled to strap the dirty bastards onto the barrel of a harpoon cannon and send their remains in the direction of the Ross Shelf.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 17 at 07:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. Speaking of smug, smartarse halfwits who achieve fame through stupidity, you may enjoy busting this git one upside the head.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 17 at 07:32 AM • permalink

 

    1. Tim lives!
      (something is discussed in several English dialects) Nothing else matters, Tim Lives!

      Posted by Stephen M on 2008 01 17 at 07:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. Oops, missed the previous mentions of both- please accept my apologies, or stick your heads up a dead bear’s bum, either one’s fine with me. BTW I slapped the little fucker 66.5M, and broke his spazzy sunnies.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 17 at 07:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. #99
      Many more long lunches, with wine.tee hee

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 17 at 07:49 AM • permalink

 

    1. #98 Habib, now this is the way to deal with him. I didn’t think the Germans still had it in them (or perhaps things are getting especially bad there).

      Posted by Burbank on 2008 01 17 at 07:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. #99
      The dimwit is now in a world of hurt.

      Posted by lotocoti on 2008 01 17 at 07:51 AM • permalink

 

    1. Knowing our much the perdantic is appreciated on this blog: I trawled through 80 comments to find that no-one had corrected the The Thin Man (#20).

      If they don’t win, the ref’s to blame.

      In cricket you blame the ump not the ref.

      Posted by Bruno on 2008 01 17 at 08:04 AM • permalink

 

    1. Quick, its time to run to the streets, burn effigies and assault Imams for this horrible blasphemy.

      Mel snubs Muslim Jesus movie:

      Can you imagine the reaction if a Christian “in a bid to show the “..common ground’ between Muslims and Christians..” produced a movie that basicly said Mohammed wasnt divinely inspired?
      Then went to show it to an Iotolah and acted puzzled why they didnt respond to it?

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 17 at 08:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. #97 Habib, your alliteration is catching on.
      ABC-TV newsreader tonight referred to your captured cetacean cuddlers as “conservation crusaders”.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2008 01 17 at 08:21 AM • permalink

 

    1. Totally OT: it’s a prayer hall, not a mosque.

      Posted by We apologise for the inconvenience. on 2008 01 17 at 11:19 AM • permalink

 

    1. Important information for Paco and other American readers: Cricket was once a game, not a soap opera.

      Nonsense.  It was always more fun watching the assignations among the spectators at the Tests…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 01 17 at 12:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. #108: It was always more fun watching the assignations among the spectators at the Tests

      For some reason, I am absolutely unsurprised.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 17 at 12:36 PM • permalink

 

    1. #34, Paco, inspired story!  I expect we’ll see more of the Paco Kid, and perhaps Sheila as a corsetted saloon girl, or perhaps the sweet, innocent frontiersgirl struggling to hold onto Pa’s ranch?  Hmm.  Nah.  Saloon girl.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 17 at 12:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. #110

      How about the schoolmarm.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2008 01 17 at 01:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. #110 Rebecca: Actually, I think the story is a good example of the hallucinatory effects of cricket on the mind of one who continues to be utterly baffled by the sport (and its controversies).

      #111: Say, Yojimbo, you haven’t ever been out in the Cabeza Prieta region, have you? I think part of it is used as a bombing range, and you may have to get special permission to hike around out there; but from the photos I’ve seen, it looks like the kind of desolate place that would appeal to me.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 17 at 02:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. #112:paco

      That would make you a headcase….:)

      In the belief that you are not making some allegorical/metaphorical statment, I respond thusly.

      No I haven’t.  Been close.  The better half was born and raised in Ajo which is close.  I’ve been no further west than Organ Pipe.
      You are close to the Goldwater bombing range but not in it so I don’t see why you would need permission to hike, but I can’t say that for sure.  You wan’t to move into that area?  Seriously?

      Posted by yojimbo on 2008 01 17 at 04:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. paco
      There is one fabulous aspect to test cricket that seems forgotten here.BEER WENCHES

      … where a group of blokes pitch in and hire themselves a beer wench for the day. So, instead of having to leave your seat to get the beers, you simply summon your beer wench and off she toddles and returns with said refreshments.

      Of course it is mandatory for beer wenches to
      1) have big tits
      2) wear low cut blouses
      3) and generally flirt with the ‘boys’ all day

      What happens between beer wench and ‘boys’ post-match is entirely up to them.

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 17 at 04:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. *statement even!*

      Posted by yojimbo on 2008 01 17 at 04:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. #94 Nathan: Anyone else alarmed that we’ve somehow managed to concede as many no-balls and wides in 10 overs as the Indians did in 50?

      Just more evidence of how the Aussies have ‘got the message’ and decided to be so nice to the opposition. A feeble transformation.
      As I said, the Indians won the propaganda contest, and now can win on the field ..

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 01 17 at 04:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. #113: No, no, no. I don’t want to move to the Cabeza Prieta; I just wanted to go hiking there sometime. But I could still be a head case for a variety of unrelated reasons.

      #114: Ok, Bonmot, that aspect of cricket I can readily understand and appreciate.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 17 at 05:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. 114; Do they hire piss boys too? It would be the next logical step.

      Posted by dean martin on 2008 01 17 at 06:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. Is Tim calling for Roebuck to be sacked for expressing his opinion? Won’t that set a bad precedent? Wouldn’t Tim be in the firing line next? Where would it end?

      Here’s some more bad manners from the Indians after the first day:

      Dravid spoke to umpires Asad Rauf and Billy Bowden because the Australian bowlers were rushing through their overs to try and counter a slow over rate but had no complaints.

      “They played it tough like they usually do,” he said of the home side.

      “They ran in hard right through the day. They were competitive and it was played in very good spirit.”

      Lee, who said he had a number of friends in the Indian side, said both sides were well-behaved.

      It was played in the right spirit. Today was a lot of fun, there was a few jokes cracked out there, both teams were laughing,” he said.

      “It was hard, tough cricket and that is what cricket is all about.”

      Shocking. India should go home.

      Posted by John A on 2008 01 17 at 08:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. Are you furrin devils done with all this cricket nonsense yet?

      Time for some real sport of consequence… will the Pats go all the way, undefeated, to a Super Bowl victory?

      Posted by Grimmy on 2008 01 17 at 09:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. You realise, of course, that only had you sold them Uranium, they would have let you beat them.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 17 at 10:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. #120 Grimmy, I hope not. But, then again, they are just sooooo good….

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 17 at 10:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. #120 grimmy, in fact they are like an Ottawa Senators which don’t shoot themselves.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 17 at 10:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. #5 How does one decide Australian of the Year? By vote? If so, then I want to be Australian of the Year. Vote for me. Write in folks.

      Why you may ask? Well…

      I’ve been there…twice.

      I have been to Broome and Darwin.

      I like (to eat) kangaroo and lizard.

      I think uranium is good.

      I read The Australian and Sydney Morning Herald (when I must).

      What else do I need to do?

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 17 at 10:15 PM • permalink

 

    1. #124: The Paco machine is behind you, Wimpy.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 17 at 10:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. 119 – John A.  Actually it is the lefties who called for conservative commentators to be sacked merely because of an election result.  Here, we see simple critique of the opinion.  Is it against the law to be critical of a farcical opinion piece?  Mr Roebuck can write as much as he wants, for whomever is willing to publish it, but that doesn’t mean we just have to read it and suck eggs.

      I thought India displayed very poor form over the first 2 days, in trying to slow the play, in their excessive appealling off everyone’s favourite gentleman Kumble, and Dravid’s little temper tantrum when dismissed.

      Posted by peter m on 2008 01 17 at 10:42 PM • permalink

 

    1. 1.05pm and India’s 2/75. We’ll win this.

      Posted by mehaul on 2008 01 17 at 11:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. I betcha…

      I could spew on and on enough about how wonderful and splendorous and all mighty magisterial my Patriots are in all the threads between now and Super Bowl Sunday, to drive up ratings of the game on international TV.

      Y’all’d tune in and watch just in the hope that I’d have to eat every word.

      I wonder how much the NFL would pay me for that? And, I wonder how much I’d have to cut to Mr. Tim and Andrea, to keep from getting banned for being an obnoxious ass?

      Posted by Grimmy on 2008 01 18 at 12:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. #128: Dude! I’m sold. I don’t even like the Pats, but I’m kinda sorta pulling for them just because I think it’d be cool to see a team stake out a perfect season (like my Dolphins did, many hundreds of years ago).

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 18 at 12:52 AM • permalink

 

    1. Lots of records fell to new achievers this year.

      Maybe next year more teams will treat preseason a bit more seriously and actually read their playbooks before game 3 of regular season.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2008 01 18 at 12:59 AM • permalink

 

    1. #126 Quite right Peter. And applying the lefty logic, none of the left media should have been employed while the Coalition was in Government.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 18 at 01:31 AM • permalink

 

    1. I am dead, dead tired, gripping SQL Server 2005 and .NET like Homer grips Bart—the last 12 hours have re-awakened a barely slumbering hatred of Bill Gates.

      I feel chainsawed in half with pain, but Laxman falling to Symonds for 38 still prompts me to a post here.

      Pretty much into the tail…might be a record run chase —to acheive a record win streak.

      The N.E. Pats? I remember the Boston Patriots in 1970 (and the death of the AFL).

      Good luck to’em, I say.

      Been down under so long, I can barely make out all these cougars (or is it jaguars; mebbe panthers?) Titanics? Texans? Blackbirds? and what all—how many teams are there now?

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 01 18 at 03:14 AM • permalink

 

    1. …man—I am dull, ‘twasn’t Laxman at all…

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 01 18 at 04:31 AM • permalink

 

    1. #132 AFL’s dead?

      MentalFloss, please, do me a huge favour and let Eddie McGuire know. I want him off my TV immediately!!!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 18 at 07:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. Ash_:

      MentalFloss was referring to the old, no longer existent, American Football League. It got folded into the NFL at the time Mental mentioned.

      I’ve been a fan of the Pats since then. Even though I’m a Cali kid, born and raised, the Pats have always been my team.

      It was the name that got me at that young and tender age. Patriots.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2008 01 18 at 05:39 PM • permalink

 

  1. Thanks Tim for the analysis on Roebuck. It’s great to get this without having to endure the awful process of actually reading his column. The man is a gob shite. I won’t read a word he writes as I believe it will only encourage him. In fact I haven’t read a word from a Fairfax newspaper since Roebuck called for Ponting, Hayden et al to get the flick. Although, I have done the cryptic crossword on a couple of occasions. Is that wrong?

    Posted by Racing on 2008 01 18 at 07:49 PM • permalink